Page 3 of Just Forever

He gets hit on wherever we go, and half the time, he doesn’t even realize people are salivating over him and not just being friendly without any hidden agenda.

I scowl a lot. He can make conversation with anybody. I’m awkward as fuck, so I prefer to shut my mouth and cross my fingers it’ll come off as mysterious.

He sees the good in people, expects the best of them, and always finds the silver lining.

I… scowl a lot.

He’s ridiculously in shape and ridiculously handsome with his black hair, impossibly bright silver eyes, and the megawatt smile that appears on his face whenever he sees me.

It’s not exactly subtle, which isn’t ideal. Ryker’s not out, and nobody—except a few select people—knows we’re in a relationship at all. Kelly, and our three other friends, Rachel, Sawyer, and Hayes. That’s about it. Even they only know about the relationship and not about the marriage.

I don’t love lying to any of them, it’s just that it’s easier to keep some things to ourselves. And that’s how it’s going to stay. For how long? I don’t know. Until Ryker is done playing, I guess?I’m honestly not sure, and I’m also doing my best to just live in the moment for now. There are way too many uncertainties, so if I really begin to think about how precarious a situation we’ve put ourselves in, I won’t ever get any sleep.

Because it’s not just about coming out with Ryker. It’s also that he’s married. To me. And it’s not that I think the two of us are that newsworthy. Well, to be fair,I’mnot newsworthy. At all. I’m just a random college student.

Ryker… Ryker is not regular anything. And yeah, nobody chases him down the street like he’s a boyband member in the early 2000s, but he does get recognized every now and then, even though we live in New York, which means we’re enjoying relative anonymity, and New Yorkers generally don’t give a fuck. Still, Ryker’s a bit too good of a player and a bit too hot as a person for his own good, and his agent is determined to get him out there as much as possible, which again, isn’t ideal.

I very consciously block that path of thinking. There’s nothing I can do about any of this because I honestly don’t know how this situation turns out in the end, which means for the time being, we live in the now.

Plus, it’s not like there’s any point worrying about the future when I have enough things to stress about now, too.

“If you squeeze that any harder it’ll explode.”

I snap my gaze back toward Kelly, and he nods at the beer bottle I’m clutching in my hand before he rolls his eyes, pries my fingers loose, and takes the bottle away.

“What happened to that dopey smile from a minute ago?”

I send a smile his way that’s more a grimace than anything else.

“Is this meant to scare off little children?”

I roll my eyes. “Among other things. It’s a multifaceted smile. Also, if people see me smile too much it’ll give them the wrong impression.”

He finishes off my beer and quirks his brow at me. “The impression that you know how?”

“I like to keep some things to myself.”

“Isn’t that from a song or something? Are you gonna have your big musical number now?”

“I’ve been practicing.”

Kelly nudges me with his elbow. “What’s wrong with you tonight? Because you look worried.”

I need another beer, but I can’t because a hangover is the last thing I need tomorrow.

“We’re having lunch with Ryker’s mom tomorrow,” I say, unable to hide my sour tone.

“So?” he asks. “You’ve done that before.”

“This time the lunch comes with a side of Ryker coming out to her.”

“Ah.”

“Here’s your chance to give some sage words of advice.”

“About?”

I hold my arms out. “I don’t know. About how to make this easier. It just feels like one of those moments that calls for emotional intelligence, and fuck knows I don’t have any. I’m like a bulldozer. I go right over everything and cross my fingers there’ll be pieces to pick up later.”

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