Page 44 of Just Forever

It’s a beautiful September day. Ryker is walking next to me, hands in pockets, a smile on his face. We don’t talk, but that’s the nice thing about him—I get to be silent with him, and it doesn’t ever feel awkward.

We go to the subway and jump on the train. It’s a fifteen-minute ride from our place, so it’s not too bad. Of course, I’ve prepared for every type of catastrophe or mishap, so we left ridiculously early. Ryker doesn’t complain. It’s not like he needs to come with me and hold my hand. He should be at the gym right now anyway, but when he asked me if I wanted him to come, I just nodded, so here he is. It’s very typical of Ryker to sense when somebody needs something and then just do it. It’s very much not typical of me to accept this kind of kindness.

It’s a remnant from my childhood. Do not trust anybody. Always stand alone and only on your own two feet. Count only on yourself.

I’ve followed those unwritten rules meticulously.

But then Ryker came and calmly planted himself in my life, and I made an exception.

Do not trust anybody (except for Ryker).

Always stand alone and only on your own two feet (unless you need to lean on Ryker, in which case lean away).

Count only on yourself (and Ryker).

Once we reach the campus, we both stop.

I could kiss him.

Only I can’t.

Not with this many people milling around everywhere.

“Give them hell,” Ryk says. He holds his arms out, and I blink in surprise, but then I’m suddenly engulfed in a hug.

It’s not that I don’t want the hug.

I do.

But I’m also so fucking aware how many people there are all around us.

“Even friends hug,” Ryker murmurs in my ear, because he can read my thoughts or my stiff body language or something.

I make a deliberate effort to relax and not be a paranoid asshole. I’m not sure how successful I am.

“You’re going to the gym?” I ask once I’ve pulled away from him.

“Right after my run.”

“Well, have fun,” I say. And now I do feel awkward all of a sudden. It’s an unwelcome, loud feeling of awkwardness. The kind where it feels like I’ve done something wrong, even though I can’t seem to put my finger on what exactly it was.

“I will.”

And with those words, he’s gone. I look after him until he disappears around a corner, and then I waste some more time looking at the corner.

Eventually, I shake my head and turn away.

“Get a grip,” I mumble under my breath.

I grab my phone and double check where I have to be and when, even though I already know.

I take a deep breath.

And start to walk.

RYKER

We settleinto a routine after Lake’s first day. He has orientation for the whole first week, and after the freak-out on that very first morning, he’s back to his calm, competent self.

---