Page 85 of Just Forever

He waves his hand in the air in front of himself. “Off the top of my head, it’ll have something to do with the fact that I used to sleep with your boyfriend.”

“It doesn’t,” I say quickly because I don’t need the reminder.

He lifts his beer bottle to his lips and empties it before he puts it down at his feet and straightens himself up. “Surprise me, then.”

I glance toward Lake again before I look back at Kelly. “Has he seemed… weird to you lately?”

Kelly takes his own quick glance at Lake before he focuses on me. “By weird you mean…?”

“Distracted. Restless. Not quite himself.”

Kelly is quiet, chewing on his words for the longest time before he says, “Lake texts me every day. Every morning. Same time. These past few weeks, he’s missed two days and he’s been late a few times. Not ten a.m., but one p.m., for example. It’s nothing—” He blows out a breath and glares at me. “It’s not because?—”

“You don’t have to tell me why,” I say. “I get it. It’s between you two. I just want some kind of confirmation I’m not making this up.”

“I’m no relationship expert, but I suggest asking him directly.”

I let out a humorless laugh. “Well, joke’s on you, since he says he’s completely, one hundred percent okay and nothing’s wrong.”

Another bout of lengthy silence follows while Kelly contemplates.

“I imagine, if you’ve never had to before,” he says in a slow and measured voice, seemingly choosing each word carefully, “it’s exhausting to always be careful. With what you say and how you behave. Not impossible or undoable. But exhausting.”

I don’t know what to say to that.

It’s nothing new. That idea. I’ve had similar thoughts over this past year. It’s just hearing it said out loud makes them more real somehow. Instead of a fog, it becomes a concrete wall.

“Then again, what do I know?” Kelly pushes himself off the wall. “It might just as well be med school that’s exhausting. Or adapting to a new city that’s exhausting. Or any number of other things.”

I don’t have anything to say.

Too many thoughts.

Too few words.

Kelly nudges me with his shoulder and walks away, leaving me alone with my many thoughts and few words.

I don’t know how much time passes, but then Lake is in front of me, cheeks flushed and a smile on his face. Right here and now, it’s easy to pretend something isn’t off.

“Hockey players are shit at pool,” he says happily.

“I’m awesome at pool,” I protest.

“Exceptions and rules.” He grins, and the urge to kiss him is overwhelming. What if I did? Right here and now. Without analyzing or overthinking. Just me and him in the moment.

I start to move.

Somebody peeks their head inside the room and shouts, “Almost midnight. Outside. Outside.”

I want to swear out loud, but Lake laughs again.

“Come on,” he says.

We make our way outside. The rooftop terrace is packed to the brim, but it means I can stand as close to Lake as possible.Rach and Sawyer find their way to us, both holding unlit sparklers in their hands.

“Suck it, old, in with the new,” Rach says, eyes shining, her breaths coming out like puffs of clouds.

Somewhere, somebody starts to count down from ten. I join in at five.

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