Page 59 of Saving Saul

Silence swallows the room, thick and suffocating.

I finally look at her, my chest tight. "Now you know the truth, Tessa." My voice is quieter now. "I planned it. I executed it. I killed him."

She doesn’t speak for a long time, her eyes searching mine, looking for something—maybe a trace of the man she thought I was. Maybe a reason to run.

But she doesn’t run.

And that terrifies me more than anything else.

Acceptance.

Her lashes lower, and she looks down at her lap, exhaling again slower this time.

I force myself to keep talking. "That’s why I left you, Tessa. Not because I didn’t love you. But because I knew the second his body hit that floor, my life wasn’t mine anymore. His brothers are powerful. They’re the Irish Mob, and they’re dangerous. They have people everywhere. I had to disappear before they came looking. I had to protect my family."

I reach for her hand, hesitating when she doesn’t immediately move. "I had to protect you."

She looks up then, her expression unreadable, her grip on the pearls loosening slightly.

"And now?" she asks quietly. “Isn’t it still dangerous? What changed?"

I don’t even have to think about it.

"You." The word is so simple, so damn true. "I couldn’t stay away. I tried, Tessa. But I need you more than I need to hide. And I know I can keep you safe. I should have realized that from the beginning. I was hiding from my truth, thinking you’d reject me. That was pride and fear. I see that now, and I’m so sorry.””

Her lips part, something flickering behind her eyes—something between anger and something else, something more profound.

But she still doesn’t let me off the hook.

“And what about Antoine? If you knew you were laying low for a bigger reason than hiding from the world and me. Why would you take that chance?”

My jaw tightens, a muscle ticking as I inhale slowly through my nose, trying to steady myself. I’m not used to explaining myself. When I make a decision, that’s it. I don’t spend a lot of time reflecting on my actions. But for Tessa, I’ll do anything.

“Like I said earlier, I didn’t know who he was when I hit him, and it wouldn’t have mattered if I did. He touched you, Tessa. He deserved worse than what he got." My jaw clenches just thinking about it. "But I’ll admit I now have a bigger problem than Patrick’s brothers. The Chief of Police isn’t someone I can make disappear. And I sure as hell can’t afford to be reckless now."

Her expression shifts and softens, but there’s still tension between us.

She shakes her head, barely whispering, "I should hate you for leaving me. For stalking me and infiltrating my life. For lying to me.

I tilt her chin up with my fingers, forcing her to meet my eyes. "You should."

Her breath hitches. "But I don’t."

I lean in, my lips barely brushing against hers as I whisper, "Then tell me what you do feel."

She shudders but doesn’t pull away.

I know the answer.

She’s still here, listening, looking at me like I haven’t completely destroyed us.

She still loves me.

And God help me—I’ll never deserve her.

But I’m keeping her.

FORGIVENESS, PLEASE

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