Page 60 of Saving Saul

TESSA

The weightof Saul’s words hangs between us, thick and impossible to ignore. My fingers tighten around my pearls—warm against my skin as if they can sense the shift in the air. Now more than ever, I feel like my mother guides me through them. She may not have been strong enough to stay on this side of Jordan with me in the flesh. But she’s never truly left me.

Everything that’s happened in the past twenty-four hours proves it.

I stare at Saul, my heartbeat wild and uneven. This man—this impossible, infuriating man—has just laid the darkest parts of himself bare before me. And somehow, instead of pulling away and running like every instinct in my body screams for me to do, I stay.

Iwantto stay.

I should be afraid. I should hear his confession and let it put distance between us. But instead, I look at Saul—the way his jaw flexes, the way his fingers twitch, as if bracing for impact—and all I see is the man who loves me. The man who left me, yes, but also the man who has been protecting me even from the shadows.

His gaze searches mine, fierce and unrelenting, waiting for judgment, for rejection. But he doesn’t know—I don’t have it in me to turn away from him. Not now. Maybe not ever.

I clear my throat, prepared to ask my next question. I'm learning that he never gives more information than needed. I know it's a product of all the trauma he went through as a kid, and he's chosen to live a reclusive and private life as an adult. However, if we're going to make it, there can't be secrets. So, if I must ask more specific questions to ensure I get all the information and truth I need, I will. Because I know he'll never deny me.

"Next, I want to know what you did once you... you know, took care of that thing in Maine."

Saul smirks, but there’s no amusement in it. It’s raw, edged with something darker. “You mean after I murdered my sadistic stepfather? You can say it, Tessa. I murdered him. And if this is going to work at all, you’ve got to be able to live with that.”

I swallow hard, but I don’t look away. He’s testing me, pushing me to my limits. But the thing he doesn’t realize? I crossed those limits for him a long time ago.

"Alright, Saul." My voice is steady, but my insides are trembling. "After you killed him, did you come straight here? Was I the first thing on your mind? Or was your leaving the show maybe about something else—cold feet, doubt?”

His jaw tightens, a muscle twitching there, but something in himshifts. He exhales, slow and deep, before reaching for me.

I should stop him. I should demand more answers before I let him touch me. But the second his hands land on my waist, dragging me onto his lap, my body melts against him like I was made to be there.

Facing him, I wrap my legs around his back, pressing into his warmth. I hate how natural it feels, how easy it is to forget the weight of everything when I’m in his arms. His hands slideup my thighs, grounding me, his touch firm but reverent. His thumb traces circles against my hip, and my breath catches.

“Tessa,” he murmurs, voice low and rough. “It almost killed me to leave that studio in LA without my ring on your finger and your hand in mine. You have no idea what that did to me—walking away from the one thing I’ve ever been certain of in my life.”

I inhale sharply, gripping his shoulders.

He keeps going, eyes locked onto mine like I’m the only thing that matters.

“You’re sitting here, trying to determine if I ever had second thoughts. If I doubted us—if I doubtedyou.Let me make this clear: I didn’t. Not for a second. There was no hesitation, no part of me that wasn’t ready to marry you, to make you mine in every way possible.”

The words hit me like a shockwave. I feel them in my bones, my blood, in the space where my doubts used to live.

He cups my face, his fingers brushing my cheek, soft but commanding.

“I promise you, sweetheart, I came straight here once I knew you were back home,” he continues, his voice softer now, more intimate. “I thought maybe, just maybe, I could fix things after a few months of wooing you in secret and then properly. Put the ring back on your finger where it belongs. But you decided to walk into Crescent Hall last night looking like a wet dream. And I almost killed a bastard. Again”

I blink up at him, my heart stammering against my ribs.

He leans in until our foreheads almost touch, his breath warm against my skin. “You’ve got every right to feel the way you do about how it all went down,” he says, voice rough with emotion. “But don’t let that pain and doubt blind you to the truth. The truth is this: you’re mine, Tessa. You’ve always been mine. And I’m yours. That hasn’t changed, and it never will.”

I bite my lip, feeling my resolve waver. He’s saying all the right things Iwantto believe. But can I?

My fingers slide up to his chest, and I feel the steady, strong rhythm of his heartbeat beneath my palm.

“How do you know his body will never be found?” I whisper. “I love you, Saul, but I can’t imagine leaving my family behind forever.”

His lips brush against my cheek in the softest, most reverent kiss. “I know, but I just need you to trust me. If you come with me now, I promise we will be able to return to the States within a year.”

The uncertainty in my eyes must be visible because he sighs, pulling back just enough to grab his phone. He unlocks it, taps a few times, then turns the screen toward me.

A map.

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