Page 33 of Strength of Desire

“Do you think this would help?” Min asked, pulling a large, red, cloth-bound book off the shelf.

There was gold lettering on the spine, but I couldn’t make it out from where I was standing, on the other side of the aisle and two shelves down from her, in the first library.

Keelan, who was standing closer, took it and hefted it in his hand. It looked heavy to me, but he held it like it weighed nothing. He flipped it over to stare at the cover and read out, “Numerical Considerations in Artifice Construction: A Guide for the Practical Witch.” He frowned. “Maybe? This seems more like a handbook for Hearth than a research work, though.”

Min frowned. “Well, it’s the best thing I’ve found so far.” Frustration filled her voice, and she gestured at the line of bookcases stretching down the aisle towards a stained glass window that spilled green and purple light onto the heavy carpet. “This place is endless.”

Erika, who stood on my other side, glanced over her shoulder at Min. “I thought you liked research.”

“I do,” Min said. “But only when I get to choose the topic. This just feels pointless. I’m not going to apply to Hearth or HarvestorHistory. Why do I need to do a whole report on them?”

Erika laughed. “Now you sound like Rekha.”

Min made a face. “You take that back.”

“If the shoe fits…”

“But itdoesn’t. None of it fits. I know I want to apply to Harmony. This is a waste of time.” Min glared at the rows of books. “Anyway, trying to find books in this library is like trying to play chess when you can’t see the board. You’re just reaching out blindly, hoping you grab something useful.” She poked the spine of a book that was level with her face. “I think the last person who reshelved this place was drunk.”

“I don’t think it’s that bad,” Erika said. She had quite the stack of books cradled in her arms, all about Harvest.

Two weeks after the moraghin attack, we were back in Haven Selection, collecting books for research on either History, Harvest, or Hearth. I was working with Ash and Felix again, thank God, and Felix was having the time of his life gathering sources about History.

“Not that he needs any,” Ash had pointed out. “He’s a walking, talking encyclopedia on the history of History already.”

Erika was in her element too, and I wondered if she’d always been this studious, or if she was throwing herself back into classes with a renewed zeal after the attack. I didn’t know her that well yet, but we’d bonded a little bit as the two students who’d had the closest encounters with the moraghin.

“I think they’re just trying to justify hoarding all these books,” Keelan said with a laugh, running his fingers along the spines on the shelf closest to him. “They know we could find more if they organized it better, but then they’d have to get rid of duplicates and earlier editions, or decide they didn’t need twenty books on the history of magical cures for sneeze attacks. If they leave it in this jumble, they get to avoid all that hard work, and still have an excuse to have three libraries.”

I turned back to the shelf I’d been browsing. In theory, I was looking for books on History, but I had a secret mission too. Well, that made it sound serious, when in fact, it was probably really stupid. But what I was actually looking for were books on the fundamentals of spellcasting.

I’d never admit it to my friends, but in my spare moments, I’d been wondering if I might truly be able to do some magic. In theory, I shouldn’t have been able to, as an incubus. But there were some signs that I might be something more, right? The raven, the moraghin attack, and all that?

My friends already thought Iwasa witch, so I knew they wouldn’t judge me for trying to learn. But sinceIwasn’t sure I was one, and since, even if I were, I had no idea if I’d be competent, I wanted to keep my little project under wraps for now.

All my attempts so far had just been me whispering words into the air in my bedroom, trying to manifest a light above my hand. I felt stupid. Like a little kid who thought if he wished hard enough, he could turn the broccoli on his plate into a pile of cookies.

Maybe I should try going up to Kazansky’s classroom and doing the spell there. I could find some time of day when it was empty, surely. It might help me to believe I could do it, if I stood in the same spot she’d stood in, the first time I saw magic at work.

But I had a feeling I was missing something. Some fundamental explanation for how spells worked. If I could cast them at all, that was. But since Romero’s lessons weren’t actually about catching me up on what I’d missed in my first semester, I needed to figure out what that something was for myself.

I paused, my eyes catching sight of a dusty book with a mottled, moth-eaten spine. I couldn’t read all the words in the title, so I pulled it out from the shelf to inspect it.Introduction to Spellwork: A Modern Witch’s Primer.I flicked it open and scanned for a copyright date. First published in 1898, fourth edition in 1937.

Modern, huh? But still, it might contain some useful information. Wasn’t magic supposed to be some eternal truth or substance? How much could the basic instructions have changed in eighty odd years?

“Whatcha got there?” Erika asked.

I jumped and dropped the book. It fell to the carpet with a muffled thump, releasing a cloud of dust into the air.

Way to be smooth.Way to keep things on the down low.

“Nothing,” I said quickly. “I was just—it looked so old. I was curious.” I bent to grab the book and shoved it back onto the shelf. I’d have to find a time to check it out when no one else was around.

“Yeah, some of these books are ancient,” Erika said. She held a book out to me, a slim volume bound in blue cloth. “You guys are looking at History, right? Maybe this could be useful?”

I took the book from and studied it.The Advantages and Disadvantages of Written Magical Records: A Historical Perspective.

“Could be,” I said.

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