Page 48 of Strength of Desire

I held his shoulders lightly. “I’ve got you. Just breathe. You don’t have to raise the other leg yet. Just center yourself.”

Even just holding his shoulders was enough to make me ache with need. I wanted to wrap him in my arms. Wanted to press his body to mine. Wanted to hold him close until we’d both satisfied ourselves.

A shudder ran through his body, and I had no idea if it was because he was reacting to me, or if he was just concerned about what came next.

“When you’re ready,” I said, “and only then, you’re going to raise your leg like you did last time. Bend your knee, bring it in towards your body, and then kick out with all the force you can muster. You’ve done it before, so you can do it again. But this time, you’re going to spin out of the way of the bag when it comes back towards you. Got it?”

“I—I think so.”

Was he afraid? Of making a fool of himself? Or of me? I wasn’t sure.

“Okay. When you’re ready.”

Cory nodded, inhaled and exhaled again, and raised his foot higher. I loosened my grip on his shoulders, my fingers just barely grazing the fabric of his shirt. His leg came up and in. I tried not to think about what he would look like in bed, both legs bent and spread as he lay on his back and I fucked him in the ass. I moved my hands back another inch as he kicked. His foot made contact with the bag.

“Good.” The bag swung back, and I grasped his shoulders again. “Now you spin to the side to get out of the way.” I guided him out of the bag’s path, turning him around, and stopped him when he was facing the bag again. “Then it’s a quick one-two punch. Right, then left, right on the bag and—perfect. You did it. That’s great.”

Was it actually perfect?

No, not even close. Cory’s punches had glanced off the side of the bag, rather than hitting it in the center, and he’d stumbled a little coming out of the spin, but he’d stayed on his feet.

The grin on his face was one of pure joy. His eyes beamed, and his smile took up his whole face. I’d never seen him smile like that before, and it only made him more beautiful. I smiled back—how could I not, in the face of that delight and triumph?

Then I heard Sean mutter behind my back about how real fighters didn’t need hand-holding, and my smile faltered. Partially because I wanted to punch Sean in the face, but also because I’d just realized what I was doing. What I’d done.

I’d allowed myself to get close to Cory. Given myself an excuse to touch him. And I’d nearly been swallowed up, pulled in by the riptide of his body.

I wrenched myself free. Forced my face back to its normal, stoic expression. Cory’s smile faded.

“Good,” I said a final time, but my tone was cooler now. Disinterested. I had to keep it that way.

I took a step back, then another, and turned to look at Sean.

“I care less about whether someone needs help, and more about whether they’re willing to persevere when things are hard. Be careful, Sean. When things come too easily to you, you get complacent. Lazy. Take things for granted. I’d rather fight alongside someone I can count on not to give up in the face of adversity than someone who’s never truly been tested, and might crumble when something doesn’t go their way.”

He glowered, but didn’t say anything. I held his gaze until he broke the stare, his eyes dropping down. Then I scanned the rest of the group.

“Everyone got that?” I barked.

“Yes, Professor Braverman,” came a chorus of tremulous voices.

“Good. Now who’s next?”

Erika stepped forward, and I stepped to the back of the group again, putting distance between myself and Cory. He was still staring at me, like I was a tricky math problem he was trying to solve.

Stare all you want, I thought.And think what you will. I’m not letting my guard down again.

I made it through the rest of class without getting anywhere near Cory. I couldn’t risk it. My control was so shaky, I wasn’t sure I could keep myself from pulling him in and kissing him, right there in front of everybody. I didn’t even know ifhe’dwant that, but I knew I did.

It was a relief when the bell rang out, thirteen peals signaling the end of Fourth Hour. I watched the class stream towards the gym doors. My eyes focused on Cory’s back, like a wolf watching its last meal disappear into the snow. But I needed to be okay with that. I needed to learn how to starve.

I rarely ate in the refectory, so at least I didn’t have to see Cory at dinner. But I did have a meeting with Isaac at 7:15, which put me in the entrance hall when dinner ended. Students streamed up the stairs from the refectory and on to their Fifth Hour classes, or to one of the libraries or common rooms to study.

I leaned against a marble column and watched Cory and his friends make their way through the crowd. They crossed the hall and began walking up one of the staircases. My feet moved of their own accord, and I found myself walking up the steps after them.

It was too crowded to hear what they were talking about until they reached the third floor, where Felix, Keelan, and Min peeled off, presumably to go to their rooms. Ash, Erika, and Cory continued to the fourth floor. I trailed behind them, leaving distance, since the crowd had thinned out.

“Meet in the first library in fifteen minutes?” Erika said as they reached the top of the steps.

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