Page 61 of Strength of Desire

Besides, he knew the drill. I came first. Always. Only then would I touch him, only then would I get him off. Sometimes.

Sometimes I left Lew to take care of himself, knowing that being used and left wanting was as much a turn-on for him as my hands or cock ever could be.

Lew licked his lips, his hands rising to my waist. As one hand worked to undo my belt, the other slid across my cock again, and fuck, I still wasn’t hard. I closed my eyes, leaning back against the car.Come on, come on.

I liked hooking up with Lew, and this was practically a fantasy come to life. Him on his knees, semi-public, exposed to anyone who came into the parking lot. Not that the Balsam Inn got a lot of business on Thursdays in February, but still, the thrill of discovery, Lew’s humiliation—that should have done it for me.

I shook my head again, eyes still closed, willing myself to get into this. But all I could see was Cory. Cory begging for me to touch him in my trances with Isaac. His slim body beneath my hands. His mouth around my cock. His ass ready to take me in.

Dammit.

Lew got off on being bossed around. Maybe that’s what was missing. I opened my eyes and grabbed a fistful of his hair. It was a little greasy. I wondered when the last time was that he’d washed it. Didn’t matter.

I tilted his head back, pulling hard enough that his eyes tightened, a grimace appearing on his face.

“Is this what you want?” Lew panted, his hand working its way inside my jeans. “Want to use me? Shove your cock down my throat?”

His eyes were desperate, shining. Spots of color popped out on his cheeks. He licked his lips, staring up at me.

“Teach me a lesson,” he said, and I was so shocked, I dropped my hand.

Cory had said that. Not in real life, but in the first trance I’d been in after meeting him. He’d asked me to teach him a lesson, and I had.

Lew was the one kneeling in front of me, but my mind kept replacing him with Cory. I flashed back to the first night I’d seen him, right around the corner from where I stood now. He’d been framed in the door of that bathroom stall, cock out, staring at me with undisguised desire. He’d come at the sound of my voice.

“Fuck,” I groaned.

“What?” Lew asked, eyes searching my face. His hands were still busy at my waist, his tone desperate, but I stepped away. “What did I do?”

“Fuck,” I said again. I couldn’t do this. Couldn’t do theonething I needed, because my brain wouldn’t fucking let me. I turned and kicked the side of my car.

“What’s wrong?” Lew said, still on his knees. “Did I do something wrong?”

“It’s not you,” I growled. “It’s—fuck, just get up. I have to go.”

I tried not to glare at him. It wasn’t his fault. But it was hard to moderate my tone, and my gaze.

“Go?” Surprise filled Lew’s features. “But we haven’t even—”

“Just leave,” I told him, zipping myself back up before fishing my keys from my pocket. “It’s not gonna happen tonight.”

Maybe not ever, said a little voice in the back of my mind. I slid into the driver’s seat and slammed the door so hard the car shook. I jammed the keys into the ignition and turned them like I was trying to rip the ignition out of the dash. I flicked on the headlights and looked out the window. Lew had gotten to his feet, but he was still standing there, confused and unsure.

The sight made my stomach turn. I didn’t like using him—not likethis, anyway. None of this was my intention. But I couldn’t be around him for another second. Not when his presence just underscored how much hewasn’twho I really wanted.

God, what a fucking mess. I slipped the gear shift and drove out of the parking lot, leaving Lew behind.

I drove. Not back to Vesperwood. Not to anywhere in particular. I just drove, waiting for the anger, the confusion, theneedto drain out of my body. I felt pent up, like I mighty burst from frustration, and I didn’t trust myself around anybody until I was in better control.

The night slid by around me, tall pines and firs making cathedral halls of the twisting roads, my headlights barely piercing the gloom. I don’t know how long I drove, but I didn’t turn the car back to Vesperwood until I’d made a decision. Until I had a plan.

When I arrived back on campus, I stalked into the manor with determination. I needed to find Isaac. The party was still going in the ballroom, so I checked there first. It was just as crowded as earlier, if not more so, and it took me a while to search the room to my satisfaction. Isaac wasn’t there.

I checked his office next, but it was empty. With a frown, I walked back to the foyer. If he wasn’t in the ballroom or his office, Isaac could be—well, anywhere. Vesperwood was a big place, and he was never that forthcoming about his actions.

I needed to clear my mind. I was heading for the back entrance, ready to do a quick check of the grounds, when I ran into Seb. Literally ran into him. He had to take a step back and steady himself on the door to keep from falling.

“Have you seen Cory Dawson?” he asked as soon as he was stable.

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