Page 50 of Strength of Desire

I stood on a narrow platform, looking out across the rooftops of the manor. I’d never been up here before, and seeing Vesperwood from this point of view was eye-opening. The attic roofs made peaks and valleys below me. In the distance, I saw the massive bell tower that sat front and center over the manor, right above the ward room.

The night was cold, and I took in a deep breath of frigid air, relishing the way it chilled my lungs. Chimneys poked out of the roofs in every direction, scattered like spilled candy on a bedspread. The slate tiles of the attic roofs were dark under the night sky. Here and there, dormer windows peeked out to say hello. A thin walkway, no wider than two feet across, ran along the crest of the roof directly below me.

The view, the night, the emptiness—it was all so peaceful. I stepped away from the platform, walking along that narrow stone walkway as it led north. My cabin was out there in the woods somewhere. I should have gone there after my meeting with Isaac, instead of following Cory and ending up here. But instead of turning back for the door, I followed the walkway as it turned around one chimney and then another. When it reached a third, I sat down and let my legs fall over the edge, lying against the roof tiles.

I closed my eyes and tilted my head up to the sky, letting the cold air scour me. I did need to clear my head. Even up here, Cory haunted me. His eyes, his lips, his hands. I’d held his hands today, felt their slimness as I’d covered them with my own. I ached to touch them again—to touch every part of him.

My cock stirred, but I ignored it. It was bad enough I had to see Cory in Isaac’s trances. I wasn’t going to sink so low as jerking off to thoughts of him in real life. I flexed my fingers and deliberately laid my hands along the cold stone on either side of me. I was just going to sit here and cool down.

I’m not sure how long I stayed there, but at some point, I noticed the sky had clouded, and it had begun to flurry. I knew I should go inside, but again, I found I had no desire to. It was almost like some force were keeping me here, holding me under its spell. The bell pealed out the end of Fifth Hour, so loud up here that it made my teeth vibrate.

Was Cory that force? I didn’t want him to be, but I couldn’t free myself of thoughts of him. They kept me pinned. I was still hard, and I groped at my crotch, trying to readjust myself, making it easier to ignore. But the touch of my hand only made me harder, only made it more clear what my body so desperately needed.

I closed my eyes, disgusted with myself. I couldn’t believe I was doing this. But up here, it was just me and the snow. If I did this here, I could pretend it had never happened. Better than giving into my desire back in my cabin.

“Fucking hell.”

I slipped a hand inside my joggers. It was freezing, but even that wasn’t enough to stop me. Cory filled my mind, and I found myself focusing on his lips. His soft, plush, kissable lips. Fuckable lips.

I pictured Cory kneeling in front of me, and began to stroke myself.

13

CORY

Iwalked away from another lesson with Professor Romero, satisfied and ashamed.

Every dream I had, I was with another strange man, doing more unspeakable things. Well, maybe not unspeakable. I had no problem speaking my desires in the dreams. Tonight, I’d ended up sixty-nining with a college quarterback in the middle of a football field. What kind of fucked up mind did I have, that I’d come up with that idea?

It wasn’t even the right strange man. I still hadn’t managed to find Geoff from Duluth. And while I was able to remember Noah in my dreams now, I still couldn’t remember who I was, or exercise any conscious control.

Maybe the football field hadn’t been entirely my idea. Maybe the quarterback, whoever he was in real life, was the creator there. But I hadn’t objected. Romero kept saying it wasn’t possible for someone to make me do something I didn’t want to do.

Though, to be honest, I was beginning to wonder how much I could rely on Romero. At this point, he said, he’d taught me everything he knew. He kept telling me control would come with time, as I gained more experience. But by his own admission, he didn’t actually know that. He’d never taught an incubus before.

And to top it all off, I was getting awfully sick of these walks of shame back to my room after each lesson, my boxers sticky. The only way to avoid that would be for me to be naked while I dreamed, and to clean myself off after. Maybe I should suggest to Romero that the next lesson take place in his shower.

I snorted. I was grateful to the man, but notthatcomfortable with him.

There’s one professor you wouldn’t mind getting comfortable with, whispered the voice in the back of my mind.One professor you’d just love to get undressed for.

I groaned and rubbed a hand across my face. Despite the fact that I’d come not ten minutes ago, just thinking about Noah was enough to make me hard again. I couldn’t stop thinking about our interaction in Combat. His hands on my shoulders, his voice in my ear. His smile, when I’d successfully completed the maneuver.

Sure, his smile had lasted all of two seconds before he wiped it away. But it had been there. Ithad. I knew what I’d seen.

I just wished I knew how to get Noah to look at me that way all the time. Hell, not even all the time. I’d settle for like, two percent. It was better than the measly 0.001% I was currently getting. Anything would be better than the grimaces he usually gave me.

He’d stuck up for me in front of Sean, though. That had to count for something. Even if he hated me, he seemed to dislike Sean too.

So there you go—Noah and I finally had something we agreed on. What an amazing discovery. What a perfect patch of common ground to build a relationship on.

Abruptly, I realized what I’d just thought, and snorted with laughter. What the hell was I thinking? Me, build a relationship with Noah? The thought was ridiculous. Building one with Sean seemed more plausible, and that was saying something, considering how much I detested him.

I just needed to stop thinking about Noah entirely.

Surely that was possible.

Right?

---