Page 75 of Demon of Dreams

“Open it,” he said. “It’s enchanted.”

I did as instructed, and gasped when I saw picture after picture of men—some shirtless, some holding giant fish, all of them attractive, dammit—roll out on the parchment. Beneath each picture was a name and location. It was as if he’d downloaded the contents of a dating app onto the scroll. Each picture shimmered faintly, and I stopped halfway through unrolling the scroll, blushing.

Romero had been so nonchalant, handing it to me. It wasn’t just the magic that surprised me—it was his total lack of embarrassment at his attraction to men. Then again, maybe he didn’t even like guys. Presumably, Dean Mansur had told him about my preferences. Or maybe Romero could tell who I was attracted to, just by looking at me.

I flushed deeper. I hated that people knew this part of me. It made it worse, seeing them act like it was no big deal. It didn’t get rid of my shame—it just made me feel stupid for having it.

“See anyone you like?” Romero asked

I glanced down at the faces and torsos that filled the scroll.

“This feels wrong,” I whispered.

“Wrong how?”

“I don’t…know how…to pick.” My stomach roiled. Maybe I really was going to be sick. “I’m not—I don’t really—” I looked at Romero helplessly. “I don’t want to want them. I don’t want to be gay.”

He nodded like that was a reasonable and not completely pathetic thing to say.

“We can use a different scroll. Look at women,” he offered. He touched another scroll on the coffee table. “I made one just in case.”

“No.” I shook my head. “It won’t help. I’ve tried.”

God, I’d tried my whole life, I realized, to like girls. But I just never did. Not inthatway.

“I was starting to think I was asexual,” I said. “I’d rather be. That would be better than—than this.”

“What is it that bothers you about your attraction?”

I had no idea how to answer that, and I didn’t want to try. Romero was nice, but I didn’t want to tell him about my dad and his cruelty, no matter how nice he was. That was mine to keep.

I shrugged.

“Would it help if I told you that men have had sex with men for centuries—millennia—without it meaning they were gay?” Romero asked. “Not even bisexual, necessarily. There are all sorts of reasons it can happen. Modern culture has put labels on things that have been normal human behavior since, well, probably since humans came into existence. It’s modern culture that puts judgements on those labels too.”

That was what the dean had said. It was supposed to help. Maybe it did, a little. But this still felt huge.

“It feels like I’m spying on these guys,” I said. “Even if they did put themselves on an app. They’re looking for people to date or hook up with. Not to have their dreams entered.”

“I know,” Romero said, so understanding that I wanted to throw something. “But you can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to do. You simply won’t be able to force that. And they won’t know. It will just be a particularly vivid dream to them. One they very much enjoy.”

“Ugh.” I stared down at the scroll, hating everything about this. But no matter how much I complained, I was still backed into the same corner.

Maybe, once I gained control of my powers, I could find a way to not need to do this anymore. That was the only hope I could hold onto right now.

I held the scroll out to Romero. “Can’t you just pick someone?”

He took it and studied it for a moment. Then he tapped a picture. “How about him? He’s not too far away, geographically, which might make it easier for you to find his dreams.”

He rotated the scroll to show me the picture.Geoff. He was stocky, with warm brown skin and wavy hair. A gentle smile. He was wearing a sweater vest.

I wondered briefly if this was the type of guy Romero liked, or if he’d just picked the least threatening guy he could find. Geoff was all the way over in Duluth, but I supposed pickings were rather slim in Vesperwood’s immediate environs.

“He’s fine,” I said.

“Alright then. Why don’t you lie back?”

That antsy, jittery tug came back with full force, but I did as I was told.

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