Page 35 of Without Pride and Prejudice

Lady Catherine thankfully shifted her gaze and moved on. “Now, let’s go over our schedule for today. After breakfast, we will meet at the stables for a quick course on outdoor etiquette, and then we will immediately progress to riding lessons. Once riding lessons are over, we will return for tea and a light luncheon, followed by rehearsals for key scenes. I hope you each have memorized your lines. It is imperative that you do this to make sure all our guests have the best possiblePride and Prejudiceexperience. Do not let me or Jane Austen down,” she cautioned.

Why did I feel like I was destined to let them down, despite having memorized my lines and watching all the versions ofPride and Prejudiceavailable dozens of times, hoping to capture the essence of Elizabeth.

Lady Catherine continued her meticulous review of the day’s schedule, which I think most of us—at least the women—had memorized. I knew that those of us staying in Longbourn were excited to start finally acting out the scenes we had adored for most of our lives. Even Lydia and Kitty admitted to being enamored with the world of Jane Austen. I had a feeling they weren’t as brash as they had initially appeared to be. Meanwhile, the men looked longingly at the honey and plum cakes waiting to be devoured on the table. Well, all save Fitz, who was staring longingly at me every time I glanced his way. It was both unnerving and confusing.

I begged myself to let my courage rise when people intimidated me. Not to say that Fitz was trying to intimidate me—to be honest, I wasn’t sure what he was trying to do, but his eyes refused to leave me. I could feel them on me.

“I think that is all. Tuck in,” Lady Catherine instructed.

“I don’t think I can eat.” Jane held her stomach. The poor thing was so nervous about the riding lessons.

“It will be fun,” I tried to assure her, while not being entirely convinced myself. I loved to ride, but riding sidesaddle in a long dress would probably be difficult.

“Uh-huh,” she said like she was Mariah Carey hitting all those unattainable high notes.

Fitz refused to be ignored any longer. “Monroe, that article was undeniably unfair, and I categorically disagree with it. I apologize sincerely for putting you in this position. I’ll see if Kingston can have the article removed.”

With a deliberate slowness, I turned to glare at him. “If only he could make me unsee the look of disdain on your face directed toward me in the photo.”

Fitz’s face fell. “You read it wrong.”

“I wish I had, but your expression in the photo and your words last night said it all. I embarrass you.”

He tried to disagree, but I wouldn’t let him.

“The thing is,” my voice wavered, “the article wouldn’t have bothered me so much if I’d had my person—you—in my corner.” I was beginning to realize that I’d never really cared what people thought of me because those who mattered most thought the world of me—why should I care what people who didn’t know me thought?

“Monroe.” Fitz took my hand. “I’m always in your corner.”

“Apparently you’ve been standing there judging me as much as the people who took that photo.”

Fitz’s wide eyes said he was horror-struck at the thought, but he didn’t disagree.

“What’s worse is to know you hid your supposed feelings from me all this time because you didn’t believe in me. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t believe in me.” As friends or as lovers.

“Nor should you. I would never want that for you,” Fitz spoke calmly, but he appeared rattled as he stood and walked away.

I watched him go and take my broken heart with him. It was then I realized I’d given him my heart long ago. How had I missed that?

“I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle.”

FITZ

“REGENCY SOCIETY EXPECTED WOMEN TO ride daintily and gracefully,” Lady Catherine pompously orated from underneath an umbrella that some poor staff member held over her. She stood on a small platform in the field next to the stables, where several footmen dressed in period attire stood waiting near well-groomed and expensive horses. They weren’t as fine or as expensive as mine, but they still impressed me. Lady Catherine, of course, would not be riding any of them, as she’d already declared that it would be improper for her to do so, considering her station. Bollocks, in my opinion. My bet was she couldn’t ride sidesaddle.

“I expect no less from you. There will be no riding the horses astride or showing off ankles or calves.”

“Yeah, that’d be a real shame for someone to see these sexy ankles,” Lydia snickered, trying her best to drop her cockney accent, while lifting her habit, revealing thick ankles. “All the boys would come running.”

Monroe stifled a giggle next to me. She had begrudgingly remained by my side, as I was determined not to let her push me away, even if I deserved it. When we’d arrived at the stables, I’dfollowed her wherever she stood, and she had finally given up, at least for now.

Her words during breakfast pricked me and had given me a great deal to contemplate. Had I intentionally kept myself from her for ignoble reasons? Was I as proud as, or even more proud than, the character I was playing? I admit to being a cold, uncaring bastard most of the time, but I’d never believed I behaved that way toward Monroe. If anything, she brought out a side in me I had never known. Yet I wasn’t sure I had ever let myself lean into that side of me. Had I allowed my pride and vanity to keep us apart? The thought vexed me. I loved Monroe, but I was beginning to wonder if I’d failed to believe in her the way I should.

“I’m sure many of you think that riding sidesaddle is uncomfortable, but ...,” Lady Catherine barreled on.

We’d already been outside for a good half hour listening to her pontificate on outdoor etiquette, the importance of women wearing gloves and bonnets, how a gentleman should be a good listener, and how he should never touch a lady’s bare skin, not even on her hand.

I wished I’d touched more of Monroe’s skin last night, and kept my mouth on hers instead of putting a proverbial foot in mine. I worried Mr. Bennet was right. There were some things you just couldn’t come back from. The thought sickened me. Is this how Mr. Darcy felt after his first proposal to Elizabeth? Did he feel as if all hope was lost? If only Monroe had a sister I could save from Mr. Wickham—something that would allow me to get back in her good graces. Along those lines, I wondered if I should warn the woman playing Charlotte to stay away from Tony. I noticed she’d glued herself to his side. Tony seemed to enjoy the attention and made sure to flaunt it in front of Monroe. I planned on putting an end to his game as soon as I found out which one he was playing.

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