Page 36 of Without Pride and Prejudice

“The fact of the matter is,” Lady Catherine continued, “riding sidesaddle is quite comfortable, and you can be just as in control as you would be riding astride.”

“Then why don’t the men do it?” Kitty grumbled in front of us. It was a fair question.

“We will have Mrs. Gardiner demonstrate, with the help of a footman and mounting block, how to properly mount a horse and how easy riding sidesaddle is.” I believed Mrs. Gardiner was a paid staff member.

Monroe strung her arm through Jane’s as they watched Mrs. Gardiner mount the horse, maintaining the dignity Lady Catherine demanded. It was obvious Jane was uneasy about the prospect of riding a horse. Of course, Monroe did her best to comfort her. But the man playing Bingley seemed to be irritated she wouldn’t just refuse to do it. I was with him. If Jane was that uncomfortable, she should stand up to Lady Catherine. After all, we were the guests here. Lady Catherine, however, treated most everyone like her subjects.

“You’ve got this,” Monroe assured Jane. “I promise not to help you. We all know how embarrassing that could get.” She laughed, but I could hear the ache in her voice from suppressing that part of her character.

What had I done? It was never my intention for Monroe to lose herself because of me or to make her think she was an embarrassment. All I wanted for us was to be together and for her to be respected.

I took Monroe’s hand, hoping the right words would come to me, but she was quick to pull away from me.

“I’m going to get a closer look. Excuse me,” she said to Lydia and Kitty as she brushed past them, closer to the field, away from me.

Tony took the opportunity to sidle up to me. “I see all’s not well in paradise. That article ...” He whistled low.

I clenched my fists, wanting to beat him to a bloody pulp. Even more, I loathed myself for never telling Monroe what a prick I thought he was because I couldn’t or wouldn’t admit how I felt about her. As calmly as I could, I turned toward him. “Did you ever love her?”

“I still do, but uh ... you know she can be a lot, and it’s not like her career was really going places.”

“You broke up with her over how much money she makes?” I seethed.

He tugged on his collar. “It’s complicated.”

“You make me sick.”

“From the looks of your face in that photo, Monroe makesyousick.” He stormed off.

His words left me feeling sucker punched. Monroe didn’t make me sick. I was only sick for worrying what others would think of her at the airport. I had to make Monroe believe that.

“Everyone, choose a horse,” Lady Catherine called. “Immerse yourself in the experience. Become your character.”

“Become my character. Become my character,” Jane chanted, her voice shaking.

To hell with my character,I thought. I wouldn’t wait around for months for some stroke of luck to put me back in Monroe’s good graces. The thought of waiting even seconds seemed torturous. I pushed my way through the other guests to find Monroe near the chestnut Haflinger. It was a smaller breed of horse, perfect for dressage. People know them for their kindness and intelligence. It was a perfect choice for Monroe. I knew of no one as kind as she was, and she possessed an innate intelligence often overlooked by others—including me.

A footman stood ready to assist Monroe, but I stepped forward. “Please allow me.”

The footman immediately retreated.

Monroe wrinkled her nose at me. “I don’t need your help.”

“Regardless, I want to help you.”

“Are you saying you think I need help?”

I let out an exasperated sigh. “That’s not what I’m saying.” I bent down and held the stirrup steady for her.

“I don’t even know why you want to be seen with me.” She stepped up on the mounting block and slipped her delicate foot, silhouetted in brown leather boots, into the stirrup.

I did the ungentlemanly thing and ran my hand up her skirt, letting my fingers skim her toned calf.

Her breath hitched. “What are you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing?” My fingers danced down her silky skin, where goose bumps appeared.

“Um ...,” she stuttered. “That’s not very proper or duke-like.”

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