Page 64 of Without Pride and Prejudice

“Guilty on both counts.” I’d never felt like more of a bastard. The pain on Monroe’s face last night after I’dtalked Darcy to her, as she said, would forever torture me. There wasn’t punishment enough. “I think we are done here now. You wouldn’t want Agatha to learn you snuck out. Sounds like you need the paycheck and perhaps a place to hide out, mate.”

“I’m not your mate.”

“Right you are. Now, leave.” I turned from him and focused back on Monroe.

The imbecile didn’t move. “She will be all right, won’t she?” He sounded genuinely concerned. “She’s the best person I’ve ever known.”

That was something we could agree on, but I refused to say it.

Tony turned and walked out the door.

I cradled Monroe’s hand between my own. “Monroe, did you hear that? You are the best person. Come back to me. I love you.”

“Till this moment, I never knew myself.”

MONROE

MR. DARCY WAS GONE. HE didn’t write to tell me. Jane had to relay the news from Mr. Bingley. That was last week. Where he went, I couldn’t guess. I only knew I had single-handedly ruined one of the greatest stories of all time, and possibly my life—or afterlife. To deal with my failure, I’d taken to walking. Lots and lots of walking, much of it through mud. I couldn’t bear to be in the house, as Mrs. Bennet shook her head and complained about her nerves every time she saw me. I was clearly no longer a favorite. Jane and Mary now held that honor—Jane, who was surely on the verge of receiving a proposal, and Mary, who had captured the heart of Mr. Collins, saving them all from being turned out once Mr. Bennet died.

Oh yes, Mary and Mr. Collins were smitten with each other. If they weren’t singing duets, they were in deep discussion about moral reflections.

I’d been doing a lot of reflection too—contemplating things like: Why did I always make a mess of everything, and how did I get out of this place? More like, could I ever get out of this place? I’d even contemplated falling off a horse again—you know, like they do in some movies that have dream sequences. If this was a dream, it was more like a nightmare. I’d even shouted on one of my walks, “I get it now! Fixing things comes at a price. CanI please go home?” I waited for Mr. Roarke or even Agatha to show up and escort me back to Pride and Prejudice Park. No such luck. Of course, I’d prayed, but no answers there either, which made me fear I’d gone to hell. I thought I was a good person, but maybe all the disasters I’d caused in my lifetime counted against me.

I’d never felt so lost or alone in my life—or un-life. I just wanted to go home and watchGreasewith Fitz and curl up with my cat. Not my cat here, which Lydia and Kitty had pretty much claimed as their own. It wasn’t a bad thing. At least it kept their minds off the officers in town.

Sweet Jane had tried several times to discuss what had happened with Mr. Darcy. But what was I supposed to say? There was no way I could tell the truth. On top of everything else, I didn’t need a trip to an asylum here, or to cause them to reinstate witch hunts in England.

Basically, all in all, it wasn’t a happy time. No good humor or cheerfulness to report here, unless you counted everyone else’s, and of course I did. I was pleased for Jane that I’d seemed to Darcy-proof her relationship with Bingley, and Mary and Mr. Collins were both happy. And it appeared I’d saved Lydia from an awful fate with Wickham. These were all good things. But in spite of all that, there was no happy ending because Elizabeth was still without Darcy. That was a travesty, especially because it was concrete proof I’d failed at being Elizabeth.

“Lizzy!” Charlotte called as I walked up the lane to the house. I’d been walking for hours now and was so cold, I could barely feel my extremities. My nose was so frozen, I felt as if the tip of it might fall off. Even though I was uncomfortable, I wished I didn’t have to return to get ready for the Netherfield ball tonight, but Mrs. Bennet insisted I attend.

I turned to find Charlotte running my way, smiling so brightly I could feel the warmth of it.

“Hello, Charlotte.” I tried to keep most of the misery out of my voice. After all, it wasn’t her fault I’d basically told Mr. Darcy I was a stalker of the creepiest kind, suggesting I’d been spying on him like Miss Bingley had accused. Surely that dear had been having a great laugh at my expense for the last several days. She had probably done her best to abuse me severely in front of Mr. Darcy. It wouldn’t surprise me if she’d helped him pack his belongings and sent him on his journey far away from me.

“Oh, Lizzy.” Charlotte ran up to me and kissed my cheeks. “I have some news to share with you.”

I perked up a bit. Had Mr. Darcy returned? “What news?”

Charlotte linked our arms together, beaming. “Mr. Rutledge has proposed.”

“Really?” I hadn’t thought they’d hit it off.

She wrinkled her nose, offended by my astonishment.

“Charlotte, please forgive me. I am just surprised because you have not spoken of him since you danced with him a fortnight ago.”

Her smile was back in full force. “Not that Mr. Rutledge. I speak of his father.”

Say what? When did that happen?

Without my asking, she obliged me with an answer. “After you mentioned to Mr. Rutledge that I was interested in learning more about his mercantile shop, he told his father, who has recently lost his wife. Mr. Rutledge, the father, sought me out when I visited the shop, and we fell easily into conversation. He spoke to my father just today, and now we are engaged. I know he is much older than I am, but I do believe I will be as happy with him as I would be with anyone else.”

I believed her. “Charlotte.” I hugged her. “I am truly happy for you.”

“It is all because of you.” She squeezed me tight. “I only hope you can find such happiness.”

I choked back the tears and the deep sadness brewing inside of me. But it helped me to remember that I did have a happy life. Sure, my fiancé dumped me because I tried to fix his career, and my best friend and the love of my life only wanted me if I changed myself. But on the whole, I’d been happy.

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