Page 65 of Without Pride and Prejudice

“Thank you,” was all I could think to reply.

She kissed my cheeks again and rushed off. I had to say, I hadn’t seen that relationship coming. I had a feeling Mrs. Bennet hadn’t either, and she was going to be livid that the Lucas’s daughter was engaged before any of hers. She was already upset that it had been Lady Lucas who’d gleefully shared with her the news of Mr. Darcy’s departure.

I walked into the house, the hem of my dress covered in mud. Mrs. Hill shook her head at me and barked at Hannah to help me.

Sweet Hannah followed me up the stairs while laughter rang throughout the halls. Everyone was excited about the ball. We entered the room I shared with Jane to find her already dressed in a beautiful ivory gown.

“How do I look, Lizzy?” Jane blushed.

“Like a vision.”

Jane smiled and sat down in front of the vanity. “Did you hear that Lady Catherine de Bourgh will be at the ball tonight?”

I grabbed the nearest wall for support. The last person I needed to see was Lady Catherine, a.k.a. Agatha. “Where did you hear that?”

“From Mr. Collins, of course. He received a letter today from his patroness.”

“Why would she come here?”

“She said she received a most alarming report but would say no more on the matter, according to Mr. Collins.”

“She gave no hint?” That report should have been about me, but that couldn’t be the case any longer. Mr. Darcy wasn’t here.Was he involved with someone else? It made no sense—not that any of this had. I’d basically turnedPride and Prejudiceinto some rom-com, with Mr. Collins and Mary singing all the time and me fumbling my part. I had one job here, and I completely blew it.

Jane shook her head and smiled. “But Mr. Collins is in a right state about it. He instructed us all to wear our very best.”

And that is what I did, although I wanted nothing more than to soak in a dirty, lukewarm tub all night, throwing a pity party for one. Unfortunately, that was the only kind of bath available to me in this place. You don’t know how much I missed clean, hot water and my breakup playlist. Oh, and ice cream and cookies with refined sugar. I needed them all in this post–Mr. Darcy phase.

Dressed in my prettiest pink dress, I walked downstairs to find Mr. Bennet waiting for me. “A moment, Lizzy, if you please.”

I nodded and followed him to the drawing room, where it looked like he would spend his time while we were out. A plate of cheese and bread and a bottle of wine awaited him by his chair. His night looked much better than mine—I could do with stuffing my face full of bread and cheese.

Mr. Bennet took my hand and deposited me in the chair across from him in front of the low-burning fire. He took his seat and gave me an appraising sort of look. “My dearest Lizzy, I hate to see you so unhappy. Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed in love a little now and then. It is something to think of, and gives her a sort of distinction among her companions.”

I smiled only because I got to hear that line firsthand, but ... “Papa,” I cried. “I do not wish to be crossed in love.”

His eyes widened in alarm as he gathered my hands in his. “Lizzy, my love. I did not know your attachment to Mr. Darcy ran so deeply.”

I wasn’t crying about Mr. Darcy. Not to say the turn of events surrounding him didn’t upset me, but it felt as if everything was closing in on me, and I didn’t know what to do. Who was I, even? “Papa, what if I am not your Lizzy?”

He tilted his head, his brow furrowed. “What do you mean, Daughter?”

I let out a long sigh. “I fear I am not who I should be.”

“Lizzy, who do you want to be?” he asked sagely.

For a moment, I swear he sounded like Davis Gray, the man playing Mr. Bennet, and nottheMr. Bennet. That sounded super psychedelic, but I swear it was true.

I didn’t get to answer him, as Mrs. Bennet strolled in and said, “Hurry, Lizzy,it is time.” Did she sound more like Laila Gray than Mrs. Bennet? Had I finally lost it?

I stood automatically, feeling like I was in a bit of a daze. Mr. Bennet hugged me and whispered in my ear, “You are loved.”

His words warmed me in a way I hadn’t felt in days.

Hannah helped me into my coat before I walked out into the cold evening and entered the carriage, where everyone but Lydia was waiting. “Where is Lydia?”

“She could not bear to leave Duke,” Kitty answered, pouting about it.

I smiled, relieved my “baby” sister would not attend the ball.

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