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Shit. No. That’s not… Ugh. I need caffeine. My hands are shaking, my head’s pounding, my vision is blurring at the edges, and I feel nauseous. Everything’s worse without my usual fix. I’m a mess, inside and out.

“I need to go.” Putting up my hand, I wave for a cab.

Connor grabs my wrist. “I’ll take you home.”

“Why are you doing this?” I jerk my hand away. “Why are you messing with me like this? You’ll be gone in a few months. You’re just like them. So do us both a favor and leave me alone!”

His eyes flash with anger. “I will act as if you didn’t just compare me to them, and I can tell you one thing for sure. I’m not leaving you. Especially not like this.”

“Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot. Silly me. Guys want to fuck first and then leave, right?” I rub my temples. “Go. Please.”

He doesn’t move, doesn’t speak. Just stands there, staring down at me with a blank expression.

“Go!” I shove at his chest. Tears prick at my eyes, and I let them fall, hating myself.

What is wrong with me?

“Please, just leave me alone, okay?” My voice cracks at the last word. “I’m tired, I’m… I don’t know what to think, and I’m sick of this!”

He tugs me forward, wrapping his arms around me.

Too drained to fight, I stand there, letting him hold me while my tears soak his shirt. I’m falling apart, unraveling at the seams, and Connor’s arms are the only thing keeping me from shattering into a million pieces. God, what is wrong with me? Blubbering like a baby in front of him. I’m supposed to be strong, unflappable Mary Wempton, the dutiful daughter who can handle anything. But I can’t.

And now Connor has seen it, too. He knows what a pathetic, weak little girl I am. Just like Chris did. They all see through me eventually. See that I’m not cut out for this. That I’m just pretending to be something I’m not.

Connor’s going to be disgusted by me. He’s going to realize that I’m not worth his time or attention. That I’m just a mess of a woman who can’t even handle a simple business dinner without falling apart. He’ll leave, just like Chris did. And I’ll be alone again. Alone with my shame and self-loathing.

I cling to him, hating myself for needing his comfort and for wanting his strength. But I can’t help it, and I would lovenothing more than to keep doing this forever. He feels safe and solid, like an anchor in the storm of my emotions.

It’s warm. Comforting.

I don’t want him to let go. I don’t want to face the world alone. But I know I’ll have to. I’ll have to put on my mask and pretend everything is fine, pretend that I’m not dying inside.

“Blue.” He kisses the top of my head. “I’m sorry. I tried to stay away and let you do this yourself, but…”

“But, what?”

“They wouldn’t have stopped at dinner.”

“What?”

“They wouldn’t have stopped at dinner.” His arms wind tighter around me.

“What do you mean?”

“They tried to get you drunk and have their way with you.”

“You’re just trying to scare me.”

“I would never lie to you about this.”

“Then how do you know?”

“Did you forget what I am good at?”

I nuzzle closer. “Stalking.”

“I know I’m not normal. I’m not like those men you dated before.” Connor’s hand strokes down my hair, his touch gentle. “I won’t leave you. Not now, never.”

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