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This whole messed-up situation is enough to make my head spin. Am I supposed to just accept his vague, half-assed explanation? The rumors, the secrecy, his hot and cold act.

“I’m a mess. I’m sorry. I’m just…”

“Just what?”

“I don’t know. Will you leave after you have your fill?”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because I once believed he wouldn’t. But he did.”

“You’re not still hung up on some other guy, are you?”

“No. I know it probably sounds stupid.” I give a brittle laugh. “Falling for someone I barely know. But Chris just got me, you know?” Connor opens his mouth, but I barrel on, the alcohol loosening my tongue. “I mean, look at me. Little Miss Sunshine, always smiling, never letting anyone see how screwed up I am inside. But Chris saw it. He didn’t try to fix me or judge me. He just accepted me.”

“Do you still love him?”

“No, I-I—” I swipe at the tears streaking my mascara. “Everything felt so good, so right when we met. He made me feel special, just like you. We could have gotten serious, you know? Just like now, and I’m scared…”

A pause hangs heavy in the air, thickening until it becomes suffocating.

His voice is low and rough. “But he left.” Almost pained.

Yes, he did. “I don’t want to go through this again. So if there’s even an inch of you hesitating…”

Connor’s jaw works, but he stays silent. Rain droplets fall onto the windshield.

Out of nowhere, he forcefully pounds his fist on the wheel. I gasp, recoiling against the door.

“Look.” He enunciates each syllable clearly so that I understand exactly what he’s saying. “I think it would be best if we stopped mixing work and pleasure.”

Did he really just say that? After everything we shared? All those late-night talks and early mornings spent cuddled together on my couch? Was it all for nothing?

I hit his shoulder, tears spilling down my cheeks. “So that’s it? You just used me for sex, and now you’re throwing me out like trash?”

“You’re putting words in my mouth again.”

“Yes, I am because you won’t tell me a reason. So why?”

His expression turns cold. Emotionless.

I did this.

“Connor, please don’t—”

“Get out of the car, Mary.”

Mary. I’m not even Blue anymore.

What would a man like him want with a girl like me, anyway? I’m boring.

I grab the door handle with a sob, yanking it open. But I pause on the edge of the seat, searching his stony profile for any sign of softness. Finding none, I scramble out into the rain.

The door slams behind me as Connor speeds away from the curb. I’m left standing alone on the sidewalk, cold and drenched to the bone. But the chill seeping into my bones is nothing compared to the ache in my chest. I’ve lost him, just like I lost everything that matters.

Better now than later, right?

Chapter 24

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