Page 13 of The Bloke

“—Sienna Carter.” A wispy voice came from over the PA system, and I glided onto center stage, setting myself up in my starting position before the admission board. The lights were hot, scorching my skin as I stood beneath them, sweat already beading on my brow. I was sweating before, but now it was being exaggerated by the lights.

My pointe shoes squeezed my feet. I had been in them all morning practicing before my audition, not taking them off for even a second.

“This is your…” The man paused. “Third time auditioning for us, is that right?”

“Y—yes.” I stammered out of nervousness.

“Very well. Please proceed.” I could hear the boredom and disdain in his voice.

They had already decided my fate before I even stepped onto this stage. Two failed attempts, and now a third? They wouldn’t give me the shot I needed, but here I was, trying regardless of the failure that dripped from his words.Proceed. It was as if this was just another boring presentation for them to push through for the day.

This is what I get for being born to parents who have unrealistic expectations for their children. I was a people-pleaser. I did what I was told to do to make those around me happy, disregarding my feelings for theirs.

My childhood was filled with dance classes, overpriced personal trainers, instructors, and nutritionists. My parents invested every single penny they could into a career I never chose. It was no wonder I continued to fail my auditions. The passion isn’t mine; it was theirs—hers.

One last try, one last failure, and I would run away from this place. From New York. I didn’t belong here; I never did. I grew up without my own dreams and identity. I was always ‘Sweet Sienna Carter,’ the straight-A student and dancer. But was I really?

For twenty-one years, I’ve lived a life that wasn’t mine, at least not one I wanted, and if I succeed with this audition and secure my spot at Aurelia, will I ever get the chance?

Aurelia is the most prestigious dance school on the East Coast. My mother graduated with high honors and a list of companies that practically begged her to dance for them. I was her daughter, the legacy that is now a failure in her eyes—a disgrace to the family name.

A version of “Love Me Like You Do,” curated by Nate Fifield, started to fill the auditorium, wrapping around my senses like a blanket and threatening to suffocate me.

The tune numbed me from the inside out as I closed my eyes and fell into the melody, which carried me away into yet another routine of expectations and disappointment.

I hate this life…

I woke up tothe rumbling sound of my phone vibrating on the hardwood floor of my bedroom. After the audition, I returned home and collapsed onto my bed face first without changing into something more comfortable. I was exhausted, and my body could no longer handle the heavy stress that it carried.

Blinking the sleep from my eyes, I tilted my head to the window above my bed to see that it was now night. My audition was at nine this morning, and I got home shortly after eleven. I slept the entire day away. Not surprising, in the least.

With a groan, I rolled onto my back and reached over the edge of the bed to pick up my phone from where it had landed. Holding the screen above my face, the screen was lit with the nameLillian. Answering the call, I placed it on speaker before dropping it into the sheets beside my head.

“Lily.” I greeted.

“How’d it go, girl?” Her lively voice beamed through the phone.

I could hear music and voices in the background. She must be at a house party already or hosting her own.

“As it always goes.” I sighed heavily. “What time is it?” My voice cracked with sleep.

“It’s nearly midnight. Did you just wake up?” Lily laughed. “When will you know?”

“Same as last time… by the end of the week.” I audibly yawned, stretching my arms out above my head.

Lily was my closest friend in New York—a complete party animal with absolutely no regard for anyone but herself. She was the opposite of me, and everything I wanted to be. Free.

Lily and I met at my first Aurelia audition. We both were denied acceptance on our first try, which became the common ground on which our friendship blossomed. We trained together the following year, hoping to gain acceptance on our second try.

Unlike me, it was her dream to attend Aurelia, not her parents, and when she wasn’t accepted after our second audition, she decided to quit altogether and enjoy life.

I was envious of her ability to choose. It was a luxury I didn’t have, but soon I would, depending on what phone call I received within this next week of waiting. At least she understood how I was feeling right now, having gone through it twice before.

“In that case, get your ass over here, and let’s drink your anxiety away.” Lily cheered.

I could see her throwing both hands in the air as she squealed. I’ve spent this past year training so hard that I almost forgot how it felt to be carefree and happy like her—becoming a zombie to the machine of dance that owned me.

I breathed a heavy sigh, running my hands up and down my face.

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