“You could tell? I should have you pre-screen all my dates from now on. Not that I’m going on dates any time soon, but you know what I mean. He said all the right things, and I ignored that they didn’t match his actions.”
Jenny sighed, resigned to rehashing her pathetic love life.
“I feel like such an idiot for staying with him for so long. In hindsight, it’s obvious he was just using me.” Her words were bitter in her mouth.
Jenny blinked her eyes rapidly to hold back her tears. She was not crying any more over that jerk. He didn’t deserve the tears she’d already shed, though most of those tears were for the loss of the idea of him more than the reality.
“You’re not an idiot,” Gloria retorted. “Some people are good at saying the right things. He acts like he’d expect you to go down on him all the time but would be grossed out by reciprocating. Or he’d do it half-assed, but then he’d want to be rewarded with something you didn’t want to do.”
“Yes, that’s it exactly.”
As embarrassed as she was to talk about it, she was grateful for Gloria’s snarky reminders of his character. Jenny doubted she would let Chad weasel his way back into her life, but it was easier to think like that when she felt confident and secure, like at work. Not when she was bored, horny, and lonely at home.
Tonight, she’d order a new battery-operated boyfriend, so she wasn’t tempted by any of Chad’s infrequent, but well-deployed, charm. Unaware of Jenny’s epiphany, Gloria continued in her usual brash way.
“Plus, there was his nasty habit of subtly criticizing you in front of other people while making it sound like he cared. God, what a scumbag. I’m so glad you dumped his sorry ass,” Gloria said as she handed Jenny a coffee cup.
Gloria knew full well that Chad was the one who initiated their breakup. In her unwavering support, she gleefully rewrote history to make Jenny the victor of their relationship war.
“Speaking of Chad, you’ll never believe what he did,” Jenny said, the words escaping before she thought better of it.
“What?” Gloria set her empty coffee mug down on the counter with a thunk. “Please don’t tell me that asshole is sniffing around again. He didn’t try to get you back with some Valentine’s Day crap, did he?”
“Um, no. It’s not like that.”
“Does he have an STI then? Or was it part of a twelve-step program?” Gloria poured her coffee and looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
“What?” Jenny huffed out a laugh. “No! He messaged me Saturday night to ask if he could come over.”
Gloria’s mouth fell open.
“Is that why you bailed?”
“No, no. I swear, I canceled before I got his message; it had nothing to do with him.” Gloria moved to the bakery case, and Jenny poured her own coffee. “I wanted to curl up on my couch with a good book on a cold day.”
“Well?” Gloria demanded as she grabbed a croissant. “What happened? Did he come over? Was there begging involved? You should have made him grovel, turned him on, and then kicked his ass out for being bad in bed while also being an asshole. Guys only get to be one or the other, not both.”
Jenny snickered. Gloria could always make her laugh and boost her ego at the same time. She grabbed a blueberry muffin, and the women moved towards one of the small tables to enjoy their afternoon snack.
“Don’t leave me hanging,” Gloria prompted when they sat down. “What did he say? Did you respond?”
“He texted to ask if he could come over. I didn’t want to deal with him, so I told him I was getting ready to go out and didn’t have time to talk. He offered to meet me wherever I was going so we could talk.”
“Why? What’s there to talk about? He was an ass, and you guys broke up. What’s left to say?”
“It was a booty call.”
Gloria’s eyes widened comically.
“Shut up! He did not call you for sex after being such a dick when he broke up with you.”
Jenny picked at the blueberry muffin on her plate, pulling chunks off and tearing them apart instead of eating it. She was seldom comfortable talking about her sexual experiences, and she didn’t like to focus on negativity.
“Well? What did you say?” Gloria’s question brought her out of her reverie, and she sent her friend a grateful smile.
“Of course, I told him no. The sex wasn’t that good when we were together when I still thought he was attracted to me. After all the mean things he said when we broke up, I’m not desperate enough to want to get naked with him again.”
“I can’t believe that guy,” Gloria said as she chewed angrily. “It’s like he’s trying to win an award for being the biggest douche. He is such a fucking asshole.”