Page 3 of Mr. February

“It gets worse,” Jenny added with a wry expression. “He said he knew I couldn’t get laid, on account of being so fat, so I might as well do it with him so I wouldn’t have to go the whole year without having sex.”

Gloria’s chair fell to the ground, she jumped up so fast, rage easy to read in her expression.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Calm down,” Jenny soothed. “I should have waited to tell you after work.”

“No, you should have told me this before. I’m so sorry you had his poison in your head all weekend. Oh my God, I hate that guy!”

“It was… useful to hear from him. Ihadbeen feeling a little despondent. Trust me, I didn’t miss him per se, but there were parts of being a couple I liked. But he wasn’t very good at doing couple-y things anyway.“ She fluttered her lashes at Gloria. “You’re much more fun to cuddle.”

Jenny tore the wrapper off her muffin as she spoke.

“I think I’m going to stay single for a while,” she said while her eyes remained on the muffin wrapper. “It’s too hard to find a guy who’s interested in being a partner, in and out of the bedroom. I haven’t had the best luck dating, but it hasn’t been all bad.”

She fought to keep a smile on her face. “My life is full. I have a job I love and wonderful friends. I don’t need some jerk making me feel bad about myself because I’m not a size two. There’s more to me than my measurements.”

“If I were into women, I would totally hit on you,” Gloria assured her, and they both giggled.

“Of course, with Valentine’s Day coming up, my single status is a big deal. Even my mom tried to set me up on a blind date, and she’s divorced. Everywhere I turn, there’s a barrage of ads for dating apps, speed dating, matchmaking, ladies’ nights, singles events. All these companies profiting off making you feel like crap if you don’t have a Valentine.”

“Society views a single woman on Valentine’s Day as a travesty,” Gloria seethed. “I hate that shit. My battery-operated boyfriend is the only date I need. Most men can’t figure out what to do. The only good thing about Valentine’s Day is the half-off candy sales the next day.”

The two women smirked, and Jenny relaxed enough to take a bite from her pile of mangled muffin.

“I wonder how many people go out with someone horrible just so they won’t be alone on Valentine’s Day?” Jenny mused.

“I know what you should do,” Gloria said with a wicked grin.

Jenny glance at her suspiciously. That smile and tone of voice always signified an outrageous plan. Her ideas were often wild and pushed Jenny out of her comfort zone. She’d still go along with it because Gloria truly was brilliant and always had her best interests in mind.

“You should get on one of those hookup apps, not a dating app. That way, you’ll be too busy rolling around in bed with other guys when Chad comes sniffing around again, and you won’t accidentally fall back into bed with that loser.”

“Ugh, no. The very idea of those apps makes me uncomfortable. How do you know you’re not meeting a serial killer or a rapist?”

Jenny shuddered, and it was only partially theatrics. Being a woman was hard.

“Besides,” she continued, “the last time I used a dating app—this was before I started dating Chad—I got some ugly messages about my weight. I’m not ready for strangers on the Internet to tell me I’m too fat to fuck, again. I’d rather be single.”

“What the hell? You didn’t tell me that!”

“Of course I didn’t. It’s embarrassing. No one wants to be told that mouth-breathing neckbeards who’ve never seen a naked woman in real life find you too repulsive to get it up.”

“Wait, what?” Gloria’s coffee cup clattered onto the table. “Did someone actually say that to you?”

“Well, he didn’t call himself a neckbeard, and he didn’t admit to never having sex with another person before,” Jenny said with a wry grin, “but, yeah. Some random guy I matched with messaged to tell me he couldn’t whack off to my pictures because I was too fat for him to imagine fucking me.”

Gloria’s mouth firmed. “What a bastard.”

“That was much my reaction. Yes, I’ve got extra curves, but I’m not ugly or hideous. In fact, I think I’m pretty, despite being overweight. They’re not mutually exclusive. I like how I look for the most part.”

“Plus, you’ve got a great rack,” Gloria interjected, and Jenny laughed.

“There’s that, and I’ve got good hair, and I smell nice. What more does a neckbeard need?” Jenny huffed out a breath and rolled her eyes. “It’s not like I’m house-bound and can’t leave my bed. I’m overweight because I like food more than I like working out, but that’s not everything I am.”

“You’re beautiful, and I’m sorry that some anonymous asshole thought it was okay to say shit like that to you.”

“It’s annoying, but it’s not the worst. Yeah, it hurt my feelings at the time, but then I got a bunch of dick pics in that same in-box, so apparently not everybody was repulsed by me.”

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