Page 108 of For Fillies and Monsters

Snapping out of my trance, I drop the board to the ground near Craig’s crumpled body. I don’t wait to see if he’s alive; he won’t be for long. The fire was unbearably hot, even before I entered the flaming enclosure. But now? Now it’s like my skin is melting from my bones—my blood boiling beneath it. Her broken cry rips through the cracking of the flames, and I shove Craig farther away from her nearly unconscious body.

I thought seeing Craig kneeling over her—my girl—squeezing the last remnants of life from her body was my nightmare. But seeing her like this, lifeless and limp on the floor, skin blistering in spots, hair curling where it burns, purple bruisesblossoming along her neck, blood running from a cut on her forehead—this is Hell. This is the chapter where the villain begs for forgiveness for all the heinous things he’s done just so a miracle will swoop in and save the dying girl.

And even though I don’t believe in miracles, I drop to my knees.

Reaching out dirty, shaky fingers, I brush a strand of burnt hair from her face, a sob lodging in my throat at the sight of her—broken and bruised with tear streaks marking through the grime on her face. I trace the edge of her cheek, an angry tear collecting on my eyelashes.

I don’t fucking cry, but if this woman dies, there will be no stopping the flood. If Stetson dies, they’ll be digging a hole for two.

“Stetson, baby, wake up,” I growl hoarsely, my composure slipping. Overhead a beam groans, cracking, ash raining down around my head. I lean over her body, shielding her skin from the sparks. Vision tunneling, every thought eddies from my brain.She has to be okay, she has to be.

“You have to be okay.”

But right now, I have to get her out.

Scrambling up, my muscles quivering with fear and exhaustion, renewed adrenaline pumps through my melting veins. I know I’m not getting enough oxygen, moving slower and sloppier than I should be. Another beam cracks, this time crashing to the floor only feet from Stetson’s unconscious head, and I snap into action, a strangled sound ripping from my throat.

I grip her shoulders, my other arm sliding under her knees, and lift her. Normally, her weight would be nothing to me, but my muscles are weak, my legs like putty—melting putty—beneath me. I cough. The smoke, black and billowing around us, is so thick I can’t see where I’m going. Where is the exit? Where are the doors? Maybe if it was light out I could tellbetter, but everything is so dark, the smoke bleeding into the black night.

“Fuck, Stetson baby, I don’t know which way is out.” I feel so broken, so helpless. I’m supposed to be her protector. I’m supposed to be the one person she can trust and rely on, and I’m letting her down. I let her down by not opening up soon enough—showing her she can trust me with her darkest secrets. I let her down by not seeing how violent of a threat Craig really was. I let her down by not killing her father myself and saving her years of torment and torture.

I let her down by hiding. And now I’m letting her down because I can’t get us out of here.

My arms shake, eyes growing heavy, but I inhale deeply, tucking her limp body closer to my chest. Boards fall all around us, the barn so burned it’ll only be a few more precious moments before it collapses on top of us.

I stumble forward before falling into a pile on the charred floor. I don’t know when, but tears funnel unchecked down my cheeks, landing in small splashes on her sooty face.

I don’t fucking cry, but I’ve also never had my heart broken like this.

“I love you, Stetson. You are the only person I have ever loved. I should have said it more often. You are the only reason I still exist, and if these are your last moments on this miserable earth, then they are mine, too. I will not exist in a world where you are not, and I will not go on if you are gone. You are my world, you are my existence. I love you, I love you, I love you.” I sob angrily into her neck. How had things gotten so fucked up, so fast?

“I’m sorry I didn’t protect you the way you deserved. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry, Little Filly. I’m sorry.” I rock, my legs unable to carry us any farther. This is it, this is the moment.

And it’s too fucking soon.

“Gus? Stetson?” A scream from the left slices through the roar of the flames, and I warily lift my head. I’m so exhausted, so defeated, so out of oxygen, that I don’t know if I’m hallucinating things or not.

“Stetson?” the voice shouts again, and I know it’s real this time. I turn my eyes to look at Stetson’s face, her lips cracked and bleeding, eyebrows burned, and I lean forward placing a soft kiss on those parted lips. Staggering, my hands still gripped tightly around the only precious thing in my life, I stand up. I still can’t see shit.

“Hello?” I shout. Several beats pass, my head swimming in a thick fog now. I cough, my lungs and muscles seizing.It’s now or never.“Hello?” I scream louder.

“Gus! Over here! Gus!” I stumble toward what I hope is the right direction. For all I know, it could be God calling us to the gate. But I hope not—not yet.

“In here,” I croak again. My feet feel like they’re sunk into wet cement—my skin nearly numb.

“Gus!” This time, the voice sounds closer. “Gus!”

Everything hurts, but I have to get her out. I have to save Stetson. I continue to lift one foot in front of the other, blinded by the smoke and lack of oxygen, dots dancing behind my eyes, but it doesn’t matter at this point. Either we will get out or we won’t, but I won’t stop moving until this thing falls down on top of us.

Cool air kisses my fiery skin and I bellow, the sensation too much against my flesh. I still can’t see anything, but I clench my hands, knowing Stetson is still curled against my chest. I crumple, a cry ripping from my burned lips. “Help her,” I beg the voice.

“Oh my God, Gus. You’re okay, you got her out. Gus, you have to let her go so they can help her, so they can help you.”

I cling to the form in my arms, too lost to the darknessswimming in my head to sort through the frantic voices and sirens blaring around me.

“Help her,” I scream, but it comes out as a whisper, my voice giving out.

“Hey, relax buddy. You’re out, she’s out.” Voices ricochet all around me, and I don’t know who it is, or who they’re talking to. I just need to get help for Stetson. They have to help her.

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