Page 122 of Slap Shot

“I feel like I haven’t seen you much lately. Everything good, Mavvy?”

“That’s on me. I’m sorry, man. When Emmy is in town, I want to spend all my time with her. I went a week and a half without seeing her last month, and it was torture.”

“You’re headed to New York for the All-Star Game, right?”

“Yeah. Em is giving a speech at the PWHL luncheon on Friday afternoon. On Saturday, she and Amelia Green, the associate coach for Denver, are hosting a clinic for a group of girls at Madison Square Garden before the skills challenge starts.” Maverick grins. “I’m so fucking proud of her.”

“She’s an icon, isn’t she?” I laugh. “Funny how things change. Remember when you thought she was a dude from Michigan because you didn’t research who she was before meeting her?”

“I’d take our first meeting back if I could. I hate that she ever thought I doubted her abilities as an NHL player when she’s out here proving herself time and time again.”

“She knows you respect her. We all do.”

“I’m glad.” He looks up at the sky and smiles. “How’s it going with Madeline after your terrible kiss?”

“Shut up.” I elbow his ribs and he shoves me away. “We’re good. Did I tell you I’m learning sign language?”

“No shit. Really?”

“Yeah. I want to be able to communicate with Lucy. I’ve been working with a student at Gallaudet University twice a week. Feels like the bare minimum, you know?”

“Do you still have feelings for her?” Mav asks, and I nod.

“I’m not supposed to, but I do. Maybe they’ll go away.” I shrug, wishing I wore a hoodie under my coat. “Maybe they won’t.”

There’s a deep pang of loneliness growing in my chest. It’s become familiar at this point. The ache of being alone when all I want is someone by my side.

It’s not resentment. It’s never resentment. I’m not unhappy other people are happy.

It’s fear and jealousy.

Jealousy that they have someone to come home to.

Fear I’ll never find it.

Jealousy they have someone who cares about their day.

Fear I’ll be left.

Again.

I already had a parent leave me. Girlfriends have walked away from the relationships we’ve had just as it was starting to mean something.

What’s next?

Spending the rest of my life by myself and missing out on what everyone else gets to have?

That sounds really fucking sad.

“Hey.” Maverick puts his arm around my shoulder. “You’re a catch, Huddy. Your person is out there, and you want to know the wildest fucking thing?”

I huff. My breath comes out like a wisp of smoke, and I can’t wait to hear. “What?”

“She’s trying to get to you right now. It’s just taking her a little while. Traffic, you know?”

“Wow. That might be the deepest thing you’ve ever said, Mav.”

“Want me to follow it up with a sex joke?”

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