"The first time it happened…"
"Wait, you've slept with him more than once?"
"Yeah, but the first time was awful—not because of him, because he was everything I could've ever needed him to be, but more like I was cursing God or the universe for giving me a vagina because it felt like he ripped me in half."
"Is he big?"
"He's huge."
"Okay, so the first time sucked, but since then?"
"He's everything I've been waiting for."
"Oh shit."
"Yeah, shit." It's pretty clear where my feelings lie concerning him, and she knows me better than anyone else.
"Does he know how you feel?"
"No, and I'm not telling him because we both agreed that this wouldn't be anything deep. It was just meant to be a casual thing. I mean, it's what I wanted."
I'm frustrated with myself and the position I've put myself in, and voicing how I feel out loud isn't helping as much as I hoped.
"I'm going to forget for a second that he's your teacher and that this situation could get you expelled," she says with a calming breath and comforting smile. "Do you think he has feelings for you, or do you just get casual vibes from him?"
"I think he could feel something more, but he's adamant that he won't fall in love."
"You can't help who you fall for. You can't stop it either."
"I don't think he'd ever tell me, even if he did feel more for me." I sigh, running my hands over my face. "Maybe I just need to step back before this gets any deeper for me."
"Do you think you can stay away from him?"
"I want to say yes, but he's always on my mind. I'm telling you, my obsession with him is unhealthy."
"Are you in love with him?"
"I don't even know what love is."
"It sounds a lot like love to me."
"It sounds like addiction."
"Aren't they kind of the same?" I bury my face in my palms and exhale deeply. "You just need to be careful. I've always got your back, but don't let this ruin everything you've worked for, especially if there's no future with him."
Her words pierce through me like a knife, causing me to wince. The worst part? I know she's right, and I hate that truth.
Chapter 32
Zane
"Tell me." I stand in the middle of my parents’ bedroom, my voice raised as I demand answers.
"Zane, come on, man," Callum pleads, his hand gripping my shoulder. I forcefully pull myself out of his grasp, shooting him a warning glare.
The nurse visited Kim today, but I wasn't around. I'm always here, but I had to leave today for a brief meeting with the school principal.
My parents are the ones who are currently on the receiving end of my anger, but deep down, I'm pissed with myself that I wasn't here.