Page 74 of Until We Meet Again

"Cal, don't start. You know how I feel."

"I'm going to say something to you that you won't like, and then I'm going to the bathroom because I already know you'll want to punch me in the face."

"Then keep it to yourself."

"No." He stands up before speaking, getting ready to get as far away from me as possible. "You're scared of having your heartbroken. I get it. The pain you're feeling is something you never want to go through again. But do you think Kimberley would want this for you? Or do you think she'll be looking down on you, pissed that you get to live, yet you refuse to be happy when she doesn't have the chance anymore?" I see red immediately, and he moves fast, backing away with his arms raised defensively before I can launch myself at him. "She was my sister, too, and I'm doing my best to live for both of us. Now chill the fuck out before I come back, and I'll buy you another drink."

My hands begin to shake with rage at my brother for being such a fucking dick. But I close my eyes, and I see Tessa. Her image is so clear that I can almost feel her wrapping her legs around my waist, her fingers playing with my hair, and her gentle kisses grazing my jaw.

Breathe. Relax.

When Callum returns with a whiskey, I no longer want to beat the shitout of him, but I refuse to return to the conversation he started.

Right now, I need to go home and crawl into bed.

Because I need to be alone if I can't be with her.

Because I know I'm utterly fucked when the only time I don't feel lost anymore is when I lose myself in her.

I've been waking up almost every hour since going to bed. I've been restless, tossing and turning all night, and when I check my phone, my eyes narrow as they strain to focus on the time—it's nearly four in the morning.

My head throbs, reminding me that I'm probably still drunk.

I hate not having her by my side. I hate not seeing her silky blonde hair spread across the pillow when I wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. I hate that I can't pull her body against mine and feel the warmth of her skin, and I hate how much I hate it.

Z: I need to see you. P.S. It needs to be today, or I think I'm going to lose my fucking mind.

She's leaving me with anxiety gnawing at my insides because I don't know if she's okay or if I did something to make her distance herself from me.

All she's offering me right now is silence.

Chapter 33

Tessa

The following morning, I wake up to pure sunshine streaming through my window and my sheets chaotically scattered across the floor. When I check my phone to find out the time, I notice a message from Zane that he sent in the middle of the night.

Z: I need to see you. P.S. It needs to be today, or I think I'm going to lose my fucking mind.

I don't respond to it.

I'm not trying to ghost him intentionally, but I don't want to rob him of his time with his brother. Considering everything they've been through, I can only imagine that time must be extremely precious to them both.

After taking some time and space to think, I've realized that I need to take a step back from Zane. At times, I feel like I'm in too deep and drowning, but at the same time, he keeps me from ever wanting to take a breath.

But I need to keep in mind what this is for him.

Exclusively casual. Nothing more.

I've always loved learning; I've never skipped class, not once—not until today. I need to get myself into a headspace where I can deal with my feelings. This is the longest I've gone without speaking to Zane since that first conversation we had over the app, and my god, I miss his voice and the way that southern twang just creeps into my soul and settles into my heart. We got so close, so fast, because of how quickly we connected, but now there's a crushing silence between us.

And I hate it.

Today was spent lounging in bed and watching movies. One of them happened to be The Notebook—probably not the best choice considering my current state of mind. However, Ryan Gosling is always a good idea.

Name a man more perfect than Noah Calhoun… I’ll wait.

I don't know what time it is, and considering how little I've moved today, it could already be Tuesday. It's not until my phone starts vibrating on the bedside table that I see it's almost three in the afternoon, and I realize how much of the day I've wasted.

---