Page 77 of Until We Meet Again

"Who are you, and what have you done with my best friend?"

"She's taking a night off. Maybe we can ask Erik and Harry?"

"If you wanna get drunk and socialize with other people, there's definitely something wrong with you." She whips out her phone and sends a message to Harry."You know they'll be down, especially since the idea came from you."

Does this feel like the best idea? No. Do I care? Also no.

Chapter 34

Zane

It's been a week, and I'd prefer not to repeat it when everything feels off without her. My eyes are desperate to see her. I miss the smile she keeps just for me, and my hands ache to touch her skin and trace every curve of her body. Waiting to be close to her again is driving me out of my damn mind. I understand why she needs some space, but that doesn't mean Ihave tobe okay with it.

I'd never craved attention from anyone until I met her. I had a taste of it, and now it's an addiction, a weakness for green eyes and a heartbeat that goes beyond my control. She deserves the entire fucking world, everything my twisted heart can't offer her, and yet I'm selfishly clinging on to her.

I told her I was incapable of falling in love and that what we had was the best it could ever be. But deep down, I knew that someone with a heart as big as hers would always want more. The truth is, I'm not the right guy for her, not when I can't give her what she deserves, and if we carry on like this, I'll only endup starving her heart, making it so empty until there's nothing left.

I'm completely screwed up.

But I've never wanted a woman like this before, and I'm not naive; I know what I'm feeling. I can sense those emotions swirling around inside me, but I don't want them.

I can't have them.

But she's making it too damn easy to fall for her.

Not hearing from Tessa over the weekend, coupled with her absence from class, triggered an overwhelming hit of anxiety that I hadn't experienced in a long time. It was a powerful reminder of why I maintain a certain level of detachment and why I am the way I am.

If something had happened to her, who would've told me? No one, because nobody knows we're together except her roommate. But I'm pretty sure I'd have been the last person she would've called.

I hate living like this, with that extra voice following me around, knowing how much fear flows through me at the possibility of losing someone else who means everything to me.And she does mean everything to me.When that voice becomes the loudest in the room, drowning out any rational thoughts and being the only one I can hear, that's when I know I'm in too deep.

I know loss too well. He and I are the worst kind of companions, a duo of fucking misery, and whatever asshole said loss becomes easier over time is a liar. All that happens is that the time between missing them grows, and when you start to remember them again, guilt smacks you in the face because it's been longer since you last thought about them.

Being with Tessa brings me the peace I desperately need for my body and mind. She also helps distract me from thinking about Kimberley as much, and I'm not sure if I should appreciatethe respite or feel ashamed for trying to find a way to move on without my sister.

But unfortunately, shame and fear hold all the power right now.

Staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I give myself a final once-over. Running my fingers across my stubble, I realize that I've been so caught up with Tessa that I've neglected to shave it. Adjusting the collar of my black shirt, I step out the door and climb into the Uber, which is waiting to drive me to the Cordova Lounge.

You can't make this shit up.

When Nancy asked if I was familiar with the bar yesterday, my mind immediately returned to the first night I put my mouth on Tessa.

I was hooked.

One kiss, and I was addicted.

That first kiss,fuck, a kiss that we’d exchanged a thousand times that night with our eyes alone before my lips finally touched hers. A kiss that lit a fire within my bones. Her mouth did things to me that I had never experienced, and I’ve been fucking obsessed with her since that moment. Possibly longer—maybe ever since she replied to my message on that app, the app that inevitably brought us together, or perhaps it’s my sister’s idea of a joke.I swear to you, I’m sending you your soulmate as soon as I get up there.She made me feel alive that night; she still does, but she also calms my soul.

When I arrive at my favorite bar, I spot two other faculty members sitting with Nancy: Professor Brent and Professor Knight. I can’t remember their first names, even though they’ve all shared them with me. But I’ve had to familiarize myself with so many people in the past few months.

When I walk over, Nancy's eyes sparkle with excitement, and she stands up from her chair. She beckons me over with a widesmile. She's been asking me to come to one of these for a few weeks, and she isn't trying to hide that she's glad I'm here.

"I'm so happy you made it, Zane."

Her words fade into the distance as I take a look around. The quiet jazz playing in the background makes me feel at ease. It always does when I come here. I like how familiar this place is to me now, with memories from coming here alone as well as the night I spent here with Tessa before the shit hit the fan and we had to hide our relationship—something I hate just as much as she does.

"This is David and Catherine. I'm sure you already met."

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