Page 131 of Every Move You Make

“Maybe for my career! But what about my personal life? When is it time for me to love and be loved?”

“We’ve never prevented you from having a relationship,” she says.

“Up until now, no,” I shrug. “But you’ve also never cared one way or the other because you’ve channeled all your love and attention for me into my athletic abilities and image.”

Dad holds up his hand. “You’re getting off topic—”

“I’m really not! My career, my image are directly in the line of fire right now thanks to the men I love and want to be with.”

“And it wouldn’t be if you just ended it with them, Birdie!” my dad booms, all niceties vanished, replaced with a flushof red across his face. A childish urge to shrivel away takes over my body. “Jesus Christ, how dense can you be about this? You obviously can’t date your coach. And you obviously can’t date a pornstar. Nothing is stopping you from dating someone normal! Someone who isn’t going to derail your career!”

“Birdie,” my mom says with intensity burning in her eyes. “If you fight this, I want you to really think about how the Valor will respond and how the media will treat you.” When I don’t reply, she continues. “There is a very real chance you could get fired if you stay with him—Isaiah. And let’s say, by some miracle, you do keep your job, there’s no way he is. You’re too big of a player and he’s too new. Now you’re dating some disgraced former rugby coach.”

I roll my eyes but she snaps at me. “No, you listen to me. And what of the other one? Dell. The image you’ve created of being America’s sweetheart, the woman little girls aspire to be like, the athlete brands beg to represent them… now tarnished by dating someone who makes porn!”

“He doesn’t do it anymore.”

“It doesn’t matter. You’re going to be dragged through the mud by the media while he’s praised. You’re going to be painted as a whore, and he’s going to be painted as a hero. He’ll probably gain more followers while you lose a huge part of your fan base. Brands won’tassociatewith someone like you. Youknowthat’s how this works.”

For a moment, I think about all those young people I’ve met over the years, like that blue-haired fan at Pride who wanted nothing more than to start a rugby program at their school. They did. And I held up my bargain and visited them the next year. I’ll never forget how they all lit up when I walked up with my teammates.

I would hate to lose that.

As much as it hurts, I know my mom has a point. What tears me up is the thought of the parents, whose kids lookup to me, being disappointed in yet another disgraced role model.

Rugby player.

Role model.

Woman.

Why is it impossible to be all three? Why do I have to love two men who can give me everything my heart desires, but can crush my career without even trying? Why is everything so easy with them and so hard because of it?

Maybe… my parents are right. Maybe, once again, it’s not the right time. The thought dangles in my consciousness because I’m too afraid to let it drop all the way down, too afraid to let it settle into place. I’m a fool one way or the other—if I break up with them, I lose out on the greatest love I’ve ever known, and if I stay with them, I lose out on my career.

Suddenly the sound of the front door being unlocked triggers my full attention. The door swings open and I’m greeted by the greatest love I’ve ever known—in the flesh. Every worry evaporates into thin air, and my feet carry me without another thought into their arms.

“Darlin’,” Dell whispers into the crown of my head, his big arms wrapping around me as Isaiah joins in too. Tears well as their familiar scents fill my head. Dell’s mint and Isaiah’s faint coconut and almond beard oil comfort me.

“We’re here,” Isaiah says, and I suddenly realize how stupid it was to not see them when I got home from the photoshoot. Ineededthem, and based on the way they’re holding me, they needed me, too.

My mother’s displeased exhale fills the silence of our embrace, and I’m brought back to reality. Or maybe it’s a different reality—because I know it’s real here in their arms. But outside is a reality fraught with opinions from people who can make or break me.

“Can we talk now?” Dell asks as he pulls his head back andwipes tears from my cheek.

My dad clears his throat. “We’ve already made our plans.”

Dell furrows his eyebrows, stepping over to my parents who have made their way from the dining table to the living room. “Hi, Mr. Cassidy,” he says seriously and extends his hand, which Dad does not take. “I—I’m sorry we’re meeting under such poor circumstances.” When my dad does nothing but stare at him, Dell offers a hand to my mom. “Mrs. Cassidy.” She crosses her arms. Dell sighs, “Okay. Guess I have a lot to prove.”

“There’s nothing to prove,” Mom says. “Because you’re not staying in the picture. Neither of you are. All you need to know is that Birdie will be denying any involvement with the two of you. That kiss on the porch was a one time thing.”

Before my parents can say anything else, Dell’s phone buzzes, and he pulls it from his pocket. He scans the screen and looks between me and Zay. “It’s my PR woman. Robyn, is there somewhere we can talk to her privately?”

He hired a PR person? Shouldn’t I be the one to do that?

“If you’re talking to PR, then we need to be involved!” Mom huffs.

“No,” I snap as I step closer and take each man’s hand. “If there’s a chance we can save our relationship, then I want to hear it.”

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