Page 104 of Never Will I Ever

“How’re you fairing?”

“Uh, fine, I guess.” I motion out toward the lake with the board under my arm. “Busy keeping all these kids in line.”

“Easier said than done, I have no doubt.”

The charm oozes off him like a toxic gas, infecting every air molecule around us until it’s getting harder to breathe. Spending much more time in his presence is sure to suffocate me entirely.

Clearing my throat, I motion toward Kaleb beside me, who hasn’t so much as moved since our path collided with my father’s.

“Uh, Dad. You remember Kaleb, right? He’s our left-fielder back at Foltyn.”

I internally wince at the wordour,the sting of no longer being on the team still very much present. But it’s not until I look back at my father, noticing his eyes have hardened to stone, that I realize my mistake in making the introduction. He runs the payroll, so there’s no way he’d miss Kaleb’s full name on it, let alone fail to put together the pieces of how we know each other. A fact he confirms with as much venom as I’ve come to expect toward anyone on the bad side of Jason Reynolds.

“Yes, of course. You’re the one who came forward about the…incidentlast spring, right?”

I feel Kaleb bristle beside me, and when I glance from my father to him, the tension lining his jaw is enough to make my own ache. Having spent as much time with him as I have this summer, it’s obvious he’s doing his best to not pop-off at the mouth—especially after all I’ve told him.

“That was me, yeah,” he states after a beat, leaving it at that.

“But we’ve put it behind us,” I quickly add, my attention shifting back to my father. “You know. Water under the bridge, as they say.”

Disbelief lines my father’s expression. “I clearly fail to see how it could possibly be under the bridge when his actions sweptaway your entire college career.”

“Which would be a rightful repercussion after his actions,” Kaleb snaps.

“Perhaps in the world you live in.” My father studies him briefly, a knowing smile slowly creeping on his face. “But welcome to reality, where anything can be corrected with the right course of action.”

My pulse thuds rapidly beneath my skin, and for whatever reason, I feel like he’s not just talking about me getting kicked out of Foltyn. It almost feels like he’s talking aboutmetoo. Like he’s somehow figured out the secret I’ve been harboring and he plans on fixing it. Like he knows what Kaleb and I were just doing in that shed by simply looking at me.

Of course he knows. You reek of depravity.

Shame’s venom seeps into my bloodstream like poison, spreading slowly through my body with every heartbeat.

Disgusting creature. An absolute disgrace.

I do my best to shove it back into the cage I’ve made inside my mind, but it’s no use. I can’t block it out. Not with my father standing right here in front of me. Shame feeds off him, growing in strength from his presence.

Kaleb’s lips pull back slightly, but he doesn’t say anything more. I feel like I’m drowning in tension between them, and I’m willing to do anything to find a liferaft to pull me above the surface.

Motioning toward the lake with my board, I mutter, “Uh, yeah. We actually have to get out there with the kids, so—”

“Colin’s given you the rest of today off since I’m here,” he cuts in, looking entirely disinterested in whatever I was going to say. “Now, why don’t you go change and we can see what we can scrounge up for food around this place.”

“Kitchen closed an hour ago,” Kaleb says immediately, a demeaning smirk on his face. “And we just ate.”

My father doesn’t bat an eye at the information, instead smiling viciously as he switches gears. “We can go into town, then. I’m sure it would be a nice change of pace from…allthis.” Pausing, his attention finally shifts to me. “Besides, you and I have some things we need to discuss.”

A sour taste hits my tongue, spreading into an ache at the back of my throat.

I don’t want to go. Not in the fucking slightest. If anything, I want to go back in time to five minutes ago, when Kaleb and I were in that shed, and never come out.

But I also know nothing good can come of refusing him.

“I, uh…” I awkwardly adjust the board under my arm. “Let me just put this away first, and I can meet you at the lodge.”

“Leave the board, I’ll take care of it,” Kaleb murmurs, drawing my attention over to him. There’s a hint of worry in his gaze, his brows drawing down in the center slightly, and I wish I could do something to assuage it. I do my best with my own gaze, I swear I do, but it’s all meaningless when his hand lands lightly on my shoulder and…I flinch.

I pull away from his touch—the press of his skin on mine that I’ve come to crave—before I can think better of it.

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