Page 117 of Never Will I Ever

A sharp, disbelieving laugh fills the air. “Oh, really? Because I was wearing the same exact face all summer while Aspen was gone, leaving me here alone to miss him like a fucking limb. And last time I checked, I only felt that miserable because I’m head over heels for the idiot.” His brow arches, and he doesn’t hide his self-satisfied smirk. “Do I need to keep going, or are you done lying to yourself?”

So this is what it feels like to be on the other end of “I told you so.”

I let out a disgruntled, irritated sound in concession.

“I don’t want to feel this way about him,” I mumble in defeat. “But while we were out there, I saw a side of him I doubt anyone else knows exists. And to say it’s fucked with my head might be the understatement of my entire life.”

“Okay,” he says slowly. “So what are you gonna do about it?”

I blink at my teammate—my friend—who has every right to shun me like a leper for what I’ve done. Yet, instead, he seems to be showing me…compassion?

“Wait. You don’t hate me?”

He lets out a soft scoff before shaking his head. “If I hated you for who you fell in love with, I wouldn’t be any better than all those right-winged Bible-thumpers who wanna send us to hell for being gay. Or bi, in my case.”

He makes a fair point, but it’s still not an equal comparison.

“Those people aren’t your friends, though. They didn’t…sleep with the enemy, or whatever,” I mutter, tossing my hand out.

“Even with the shit he did, Avery’s never been the enemy.” He pauses, his head bobbing back and forth before he continues. “Well, maybe a bit of one in Aspen’s eyes, but never in mine.”

I gawk at him, not sure if I heard him wrong or if he’s the most highly evolved human I’ve ever met. “You’re serious?”

His brown gaze collides with mine, and he nods. “I don’t know how much he told you about what happened between us last year. On Toppr, I mean. But even if I didn’t know it was him on the other end of those messages at the time, I got a deeper look at him. Same as you. I saw his fear and shame and confusion written in black and white, and while those things may have stemmed from different places, they were ones I’d felt too.” He lifts one shoulder in a shrug. “So, no, he’s not the enemy. The enemy is the person who makes someone feel like they’re less than by being different. By being who they really are.”

Avery’s father instantly comes to mind, and my thoughts shift to a darker place.

He’s the one person who Avery seeks approval from the most, and he’s sure to be the one reason Avery continues sinking into old patterns. Even with all the progress he seemed to make over the weeks at camp.

“I’m assuming it was a secret?” Keene asks, breaking into my thoughts.

I nod. “Apparently, we weren’t careful enough, though, because Colton figured it out and it became a whole to-do.” Tilting my head back, I stare at the blue sky overhead and let out a sardonic laugh. “You haven’t been to hell ‘til you’ve been lectured by an eleven-year-old about your choice of bedmates.”

“Been there, done that. Got the t-shirt and trauma to prove it,” he muses wryly. “And man, Lexi was a hardass about it too.”

Still starting at the sky, I think about Cole and the cold shoulder I’d received the rest of camp. Even with Avery gone, he still pulled back. Probably because he could see how muchAvery’s absence affected me, which only proved just how far off the pedestal I’d fallen.

Things really haven’t been the same since.

“Yeah, well, I’m assuming she’s still speaking to you.”

Keene lets out a low whistle. “That bad, huh?”

I finally shift my attention back to Keene and give a helpless shrug. “Let’s just say…he was very clear about his feelings toward Avery, and they’re a lot more in line with what I expected from you instead.”

My teammate—myfriend—cocks his head and stares at me, a pensive look crossing his features. And if I see any emotion in his eyes, it’s not anger or betrayal or resentment.

It’s…empathy.

“Am I surprised? Yeah, of course. But that’s all.” He offers a little shrug, a small grin forming. “As cliché as it’ll sound, I just want you to be happy, man.”

I scoff, knowing right now, I’m anything but. If anything, I’ve been wallowing in misery for weeks, and I don’t know how to change it.

“Yeah. Me too.”

“Then what’s stopping you? Colton? Me?” He shakes his head and waves his arm out to the side. “If you love him, go get him. Don’t throw it all away.”

If only it were that simple.

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