Page 124 of Never Will I Ever

“Pen, just relax,” Keene says from the passenger seat, speaking for the first time.

Aspen looks like he’d rather jump off a bridge when he glances over at Keene, but I use his momentary distraction to press a little further.

“I know I’m the last person you want to see, and I have no right to ask anything of you, but I’d really appreciate you giving me five minutes. Ten tops.”

“The only thing you’re gonna be getting from us is ran over if you— ”

“Would you just let him talk?” Keene asks, clearly exasperated.

“Baby, there’s no way you’re actually considering this. After what he’s done?”

Keene’s attention moves between me and Aspen before he calmly says, “Park the car.”

Aspen’s brows draw down. “Kee—”

Keene doesn’t allow him to finish, clicking his seat belt off and shoving open the car door instead. He lets it fall closed behind him before motioning to where Aspen’s still sitting in the vehicle.

“You can either park the car and join us or go home and I’ll do this without you.”

Fury doesn’t begin to describe Aspen’s expression before he concedes, shifting the car into reverse.

Keene leads me toward the stadium and drops down on one of the benches near the entrance, watching me with a wary expression when I take a seat at the other end. Nervous energy radiates off me in waves, but if he can feel it, he doesn’t let on. He just keeps quietly looking at me while we wait for Aspen.

Who, as soon as he’s within shouting distance of me and Keene, starts laying into me.

“How the hell are you even here?”

I shift my attention to find him storming across the pavement, not stopping until he’s standing beside Keene. His eyes are overflowing with animosity as he glares down at me, venomfalling from his tongue with ease. “Last time I checked, you aren’t a student here anymore. You know, on the account of you being expelled for your shining display of assholery.”

Keene winces. “I think what he’s trying to say is that we’re surprised to see you.”

“No, I’m pretty sure I said what I meant,” he snaps, eyes still locked on me.

Fuck, this isn’t off to a good start.

Knowing that my time is limited, I try to find the best place to start. I’ve been winging it with pretty much everyone on this apology tour, figuring it made more sense to just speak from the heart, or whatever. Even with Kaleb, I had no idea what I was gonna say, and that was the one I was most nervous about, by far.

But now that I have these two in front of me, I’m realizingthisis the biggest conversation of all. Not because I worry Kaleb will change his mind if it doesn’t go well, but because I truly don’t want Aspen or Keene to think my actions had anything to do with them.

It was all me.

Gnawing on the inside of my cheek, I shift my attention to Keene and say one of the dumbest things I probably could.

“I texted you. Back in July.”

His eyes flick to Aspen for a brief moment. “Yeah, I got it.”

Damn.

In those first few days back from camp, still very much in my feelings, I sat on my bed and typed out the longest text imaginable to Keene; both an apology and explanation. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t expect his forgiveness from a stupid text alone, but I certainly didn’t anticipate him purposely ignoring it either.

Then again, wasn’t that exactly what I deserved?

“Okay, great. Um, well, what I really wanna reiterate is howsorry I am about what happened last spring. What I did—outing the both of you—was wrong. Fucked-up. There’s no doubt about that, and I want you both to know I see that.” My gaze flicks from Keene to Aspen and back again, unable to read either of their expressions. “There’s no excuse, so I’m not going to downplay it or try to give you a reason for how I acted. But I do want you to know I’m not that person anymore.”

The two of them remain silent long after I finish speaking, or at least, that’s how it feels until Aspen finally responds.

“So what I’m hearing is,” he starts in a slow, even tone with his sapphire eyes trained on me, “you expect us to believe you’ve just suddenly turned over a new leaf from being a complete and utter dick for the better part of a year?”

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