Page 39 of Never Will I Ever

Until…he finally breaks it.

“How much did you hear? This morning, with Colin?”

A baseball-sized knot lodges itself in my trachea at the question, the unfortunate incident from this morning slicing through my brain until it’s front and center. The comments Kaleb made have been trying to make it there all day, but they’re impossible to shove away now.

“Do you really think someone who’d do that should be here working with all these kids?”

My eyes stay locked on the top of the tent while more bits of their conversation come back to mind. I can’t be sure what was missed before I halted outside the door at the sound of them talking. All I know is that what I did hear I didn’t fucking like, and if there was a prelude, I’d rather not know what was included.

“More than enough,” I finally respond in a gruff whisper.

If I’m being honest with myself, it’s not him trying to get me fired that’s shredded me to the bone. It was the disgust and resentment in his voice. It was hearing just how low he thinks of me—of this person I’ve become.

It was realizing that, no matter how hard I try to make things right, the damage will never be erased.

A soft sigh breaks through the silence, followed by the sound ofhim turning.

“Look, I know it might seem like I have this…vendetta against you.”

“Seem?” I echo with a scoff. “I’m not fucking obtuse, LaMothe. I know what hatred looks like.”

Lord knows I’ve felt it about myself for long enough to recognize it.

Another wave of self-contempt slams into me, rising like the sea as it threatens to pull me under.

“Just answer me this.” I rasp with more gravel than I’d like. “Is it because you think I don’t belong here, that I can’t do the job that I’m supposed to be doing? Or is it because of what I did last night?”

“What are—”

“Don’t,” I cut in, my voice straining to hold composure. “Don’t act like you don’t know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Because up until I kissed him last night, I thought things may have been turning around. Sure, we probably wouldn’t be best friends or texting each other to hang out after the sentencing to this hell-hole is over, but maybe we’d at least be cordial.

Civil.

I wait in silence for him to answer, not entirely sure which I’d prefer to leave his lips. Maybe because, with how hard I’ve been trying to make the best of the situation, I know the answer will cut like a knife through warm butter either way.

The fact that I care at all is problematic enough.

“I honestly don’t know.”

His soft voice slices through the silence of the forest, along with every plate of armor I’ve donned in protection.

My eyes sink closed, and I shake my head.

I have no idea how shit got so fucked-up between us, and at this point, I don’t think there’s much I can do to fix it. It might not even be worth trying.

Kaleb shifts beside me, and I can feel the heat of his stare on my cheek, even through the darkness. It burns, searing into me like a white-hot brand, and it takes all my willpower not to turn my head his way. Try to find his gaze in the darkness, only to wonder at the thoughts hidden behind his green eyes when they collide with mine.

“Look, Avery—”

“Forget it, it’s done. Let’s just…go to sleep,” I mutter, rolling so my back is to him.

I can still feel his eyes on me, staring at the back of my head. My own sink closed, and I send an internal plea to anyone who might listen that he’ll let it rest. No part of me wants to have it out with him on a mountain top with sleeping kids only a few yards away.

I’d rather him leave me to lick my wounds in peace.

After a few moments where the only noise is the wind whipping through the trees, the sensation of his gaze on me disappears. A low sigh sounds from behind me, followed by the rustling of his sleeping bag against the thin pad between him and the ground while he tries to get comfortable.

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