Page 40 of Never Will I Ever

It’s only after he stops moving that I swear I hear the faintest whisper.

“I’m sorry.”

I doubt it, though.

It was probably just a trick of the wind.

Twelve

Kaleb

Week Three

I can’t keep doing this.

It’s been five days since the overnighter up on the mountain, and after the extremely uncomfortable conversation we shared in the tent, things between us may be even worse.

We’ve just kicked off week three now, and the constant tension presses down on me like a boulder whenever we’re forced to interact, even if it’s in silence. It’s suffocating, and if this is how the rest of the summer is gonna be, there’s no way I’ll last without losing my goddamn mind.

Though, from the stupid amount of attraction flooding my brain, I fear I already may have.

Even as I stare at him, his biceps flexing beneath his green counselor shirt while he pushes Elijah and Liam’scanoe out from the dock, I feel it. This humming desire beneath my skin, and it makes me want to burn down this entire camp—which was once my place of refuge—if only to escape it.

It’s fucking infuriating.

If I could wish for anything, it would be to rid myself of the attraction for him that’s decided to rise to the surface. I’d much rather attach it to an anchor and drop it in the middle of the lake. Watch it sink to the muck at the bottom, never to see the light of day again.

But I can’t.

I don’t think I’ve ever been more frustrated by another person.By the enigma he’s becoming simply by spending more time in his presence. It’s almost like he’s donning a mask; one that remains impenetrable ninety percent of the time, and it’s those moments like right now, where it slips, that confound me.

Then there’s his stubbornness. His stupid pride and ego.

God, that’s really what sends me over the edge.

Shoving the thoughts away, I focus on loading the twins into their canoe before sending them out onto the lake. Of course, the task is mindless at best, seeing as they’ve done this plenty of times over the years they’ve attended camp, and it allows my brain to circle right back to Avery.

To the two of us lying in that tent on the mountain. To the momentheshut me down when I tried to apologize and explain myself for what happened with Colin. To how he’s shifted from a raging asshole to nothing more than a kicked puppy over the past few days.

All I feel is guilty because of it.

I chance a glance in his direction to find him doing a damn good job at getting his half of the kids onto the lake without incident, and the feeling only intensifies.

When it comes to the job we’re both here for, he’s doing his best, and that’s all anyone can ask of him, myself included. Going to Colin the way I did was fucked-up, and despite not wanting to admit it—even just to myself—it has more to do with me than it does Avery.

Jared and Max are the last two kids for me to get launched onto the lake, and once they’re all out there, paddling around to their hearts’ content, I finally look back at Avery.

Avery, who is frowning at his canoe like it personally offended him.

That’s when I realize…it’s the only one left.

Shit.

Now understanding Avery’s less-than-thrilled demeanor, Isteel myself for what is sure to go down as the most painful afternoon of my life. After all, it’s not like we can pretend to be asleep to avoid talking to each other when we’re trapped in a canoe together.

I motion toward the water craft. “Get in and let’s get going.”

Despite looking like he’d rather drown on the spot, he silently climbs in, grabs ahold of the paddles, and waits for me to join him. He won’t even turn to look at me when I drop onto the bench behind him, even to hand me my paddle after pushing us off from the dock.

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