Page 44 of Never Will I Ever

Well, would you look at that…

Lifting my gaze, I stare out over the dark water of the lake. It’s a cloudy, starless night, the only light coming from the single lamp post above the end of the dock, casting an eerie glow over the seemingly endless pool of darkness.

Avery’s weight on the boards causes the wood to creak beneath his feet as he approaches, only stopping when his shadow falls over me.

“Glad to see you actually can be on time,” I say, keeping my attention trained on the water. “Saves me a lot of digging when I’m already fucking exhausted from swimming across the lake earlier.”

I make sure it comes out in a joking manner—a way to ease some of the tension already present between us—and I’m hoping he’ll throw shade or toss a jab right back. But all I get is a soft “yeah”as he drops down beside me and sets his flashlight in the foot of space between our bodies. I glance over to catch him slipping out of his damn boat shoes before sliding his feet through the water’s smooth surface, causing it to ripple around his ankles.

Awkwardness stifles the air, almost clouding around us in a fog of poison that no amount of brisk mountain air can cleanse.

“So where’s this hatchet you’re so intent on burying?” I ask, another feeble attempt at breaking the ice between us. Or at least putting a crack in it.

Thankfully, this one seems to work, and a soft laugh fills the cool night air between us. It’s a sound I’ve heard from him plenty of times before, but something about this one is different. Almost like it was earned, and that makes it feel a lot more…intimate.

“You know that’s just an expression, right?” he finally asks.

“Obviously. Just figured you might actually bring one in symbolism or something.”

“Symbolism? Seriously?” When I shrug, he lets out another low, throaty chuckle. “You’re kind of a nerd, LaMothe.”

“And if you’re looking to bury this metaphorical hatchet, insulting me is the last way to do it,” I point out.

His face falls ever so slightly, and he shakes his head. “Shit, yeah.”

Well, this is going as well as I figured it would.

Silence sits between us again, allowing the sounds of the forest at night to come to life. The wind in the trees, rustling the leaves. The soft chirps of crickets, and the water gently lapping against the lakeshore.

And it would be so peaceful, if it weren’t for the fucking vise wrapped around my chest.

I have no idea how to start this conversation, nor where he’s wanting it to go, which is why I simply keep my mouth closed and wait. Even if it’s hard not to push for answers. Even if it kills me to be this close to him, feeling the heat of his body radiating toward mine.

He blows out a long breath before whispering three words.

“I’m gay, Kaleb.”

My mouth goes drier than Death Valley on a summer day as the statement registers in my brain. A statement that I wasn’tprepared to hear from his lips, thinking this was him calling a ceasefire, like Colin demanded.

The last place I expected this to go was him…coming out to me.

“Is that the first time you’ve said it out loud?” I finally manage, pulling my gaze to him.

His throat works to swallow, Adam’s apple bobbing with the effort. “Yeah, it is.”

Thought so.

There’s a part of me that had an inkling he might be gay. If not from the way he practically mauled me against that tree, rutting his hard length against me like an animal in heat, then from the small things I’ve picked up on. Not just here, either, but over the past year at school, with the shit he would say to Keene.

It’s different hearing him confirm it, though.

“And how does it feel?”

He’s quiet for a moment, lost in his thoughts as his teeth skate back and forth over his bottom lip. It’s like he’s got the weight of the world on his shoulders, when admitting a truth like that should lift it instead.

“Wrong,” he finally supplies, a bit of gravel laced in his voice. “It feels wrong…because I don’t want to be.”

“Why?” I ask instantly, brows crashing together.

---