Page 78 of Never Will I Ever

He’s the first to break away, pulling back just enough to meet my gaze.

“That was…” I trail off, at a loss for words. Not just from the kiss, but the way he’s looking at me. With more affection than I’ve ever seen him display.

Avery’s thumb skates along my jaw again, tracing the line with his fingers still wrapped around the back of my neck. My pulse thrums beneath my skin when he presses his mouth to mine in another far-too-fleeting kiss, only to whisper three words that set my blood on fire.

“Yeah. That was.”

And there’s that fucking knife again.

It’s not lost on me that the more his walls seem to come down, the higher I’ve tried to build my own. Stacking plates of armor and chainmail around my heart like a medieval soldier preparing for battle.

Self-preservation calls for it.

This—us—is fleeting at best. Finite and confined to a place of safety and refuge, where there’s no chance of discovery or interference. But back in the real world—at Foltyn, should he get back in—this wouldn’t be tenable. For more reasons than one.

Even if the two of us are willing to put the drama and themistakes and the bullshit in the rearview, that doesn’t mean everyone else is. I could sit here and list the people who’d likely rather me hook up with Satan himself instead of Avery.

That’s a lot to overcome, and it’s not even taking his own issues into account. Despite the progress he’s made, Avery still has so much to work through. Shame and demons to overcome. Outside the little bubble we’ve found ourselves in, there’s no telling how he’ll handle it.

But instead of focusing on how it’ll end or what could go wrong, I shove away the unknown.

I’m going to enjoy this for what it is…for as long as I have it.

Twenty-One

Avery

We’re quick to get settled in for the night, extinguishing the few embers still glowing from our fire earlier before slipping into our tent. My heart hammers against my ribs while Kaleb zips us in, a mixture of anticipation and nerves melding together to create knots in my stomach.

The only light comes from the lantern in the corner, which he’s smart enough to keep on while we get ready for bed. It casts a warm glow over the inside of the tent, creating shadows that dance against the walls as the breeze hits them.

My eyes catch on Kaleb’s body as he changes into a pair of sweats and a long-sleeve shirt for bed. The lean curves of his arms and shoulders appear even more golden in this lighting, and when his hip bones appear, popping against his waistband, something in my brain short circuits.

Oh, hell.

The way I crave him is disgusting, but not in the way I’ve been accustomed to feeling. It’s almost…gluttonous. With a desperation that’s downright embarrassing.

My only saving grace is catching him eyeing me with the same amount of desire.

Glancing away, I notice the liberties Kaleb took during setup tonight. Unlike the last time we’d shared this tent, he unzipped both of our sleeping bags and layered them on top of each other over the thin air pads, creating a makeshift bed for us instead. And I can’t help my stupid smile as I slide between them.

I never thought I’d enjoy spending the night on the hardground outside, but once Kaleb is tucked in beside me, I realize I’d be hard pressed to complain about sleeping in a prison cell. Having him here makes none of the details matter.

Rolling to my side, I drape an arm over his waist and nudge my forehead into the crook of his neck. He tightens an arm around me, his fingers lightly teasing the skin over my hip where my shirt has ridden up, and it’s his light touch—barely a caress—that has my body reeling with desire all over again.

“Kaleb,” I whisper.

“Yeah?”

Swallowing hard, I test the words on my tongue. “I want…”

Fuck.

Why is it so hard for me to say it? To push past this final fucking obstacle? To break free of the chains that have dragged me into the pits of self-loathing for far too long? To no longer be held captive by fear, imprisoned in a cage of my own making?

Just fuckingsay it.

I.

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