Page 77 of Keeping Kaitlyn

I tell Grace everything,starting with the day I met Went and ending with waking up in his bed on new year’s day. The entire time, Grace sat on the edge of my couch and listened. Waited for me to run out of story before she lets out a long, slow whistle.

“So the two of you have just beenavoidingeach other for the past six months?” She shakes her head like even after my long-winded explanation, she still doesn’t understand. “How does that even work?”

“He gets Gilroy’s and Benny’s. I get Sunday dinner at Conner and Henley’s and the center,” I tell her on a brittle laugh. “And it workedfineuntil Tess decided to play matchmaker. Things have started to unravel over the last few days.”

“No shit…” When I mention Tess, Grace frowns. “You know, what happened between her and Went happened long before any of us knew you, right?”

“I know.” I give her a brief, wane smile before it falls flat. “I’d never blame Tess for any of this. We should’ve been honest from the start. It was stupid of us to think we could get away with it, long term.”

“Why weren’t you?” Grace asks, probing for answers as gently as she can. “Honest? Why didn’t you just tell everyone the truth? Get it all out in the open.”

“I don’t know…” I shake my head. It’s a lie. I know why I didn’t want any of our friends to know what I’d done. That I left Went while he wasn’t looking with nothing but a wedding band and signed divorce papers to prove we’d even been married in the first place. I didn’t want them to know because I hate myself for what I did to him and if they knew the truth, I was convinced they’d hate me too. “I was scared, I guess.”

Grace makes a soft sound in the back of her throat that tells me she understands. “Well, I won’t say anything but if Conner knows, that means it’s only a matter of time before Henley knows, and Tess…” This time when she says her name, Grace covers her mouth and her eyes go wide. “Tess is going to lose her shit on Went when she finds out.”

“I’ll talk to her,” I say with a head nod. “None of this is his fault. All he ever tried to do is help me. I’m the one who messed everything up by agreeing to marry him in the first place.”

“Why did you?” Another gentle, probing question. One I don’t want to answer because I’ll just end up lying again.

Shifting my gaze to the framed drawing in from of me, I shake my head. “I told you, my father was hellbent on making me marry?—”

“You were an adult,” Grace reminds me. “You didn’t have to marry Went to get away from him and he didn’t have to propose. All he had to do was take you with him when he left.”

Looking back at her, I feel the back of my neck go hot and tight because she’s right. “I…” Shaking my head again, I try to find the right lie to explain what happened between Went and me. The right justification that would answer her question, once and for all.

But I can’t.

Because there isn’t one.

“You were in love with him,” she states plainly, her tone at odds with the cautious smile she’s giving me. “And if I had to guess, he was in love with you too.”

No.

There’s no way Went was in love with me because no one can love me. Not after the things I did. The grief I caused.

Before I can humiliate myself by admitting it out loud, Grace reaches out and pats my hand. “I give it about twenty-four hours before the whole famn damily knows everything,” she tells me. Standing up on a sigh, she gives me a faint smile. “If I were you, I’d tell Ryan that Went isn’t a married, cheating piece of shit before that happens and all hell breaks loose.”

I STARTMY MONDAY MORNING LIKE I START EVERY morning—by rousing my blockhead dog out of bed and calling Ryan so he can tell me he doesn’t need my help with anything. When he doesn’t answer, I briefly consider going back to bed, like I always do. And like I always do, I push myself out of it while Mook makes protestive noises from under the covers.

“No one said you had to get up,” I grumble at him while I leave him behind to start my morning routine. Grateful that I remembered to prep and set the timer on my coffee pot, I pour myself a cup. Carrying it into the living room, I sit in my usual spot on the couch, the framed drawing Went left for me last night, right in front of me.

I remember that day. It was the day I finally went back to Northpoint. The day Went and I sat on the dock while he drew a dragonfly on my shoulder and I told him the secret of why my father hates me so much.

He’s punishing me.

For what I did to them.

He’d been so angry when I told him that I had to leave. That I couldn’t stay the way I’d promised him I would. Not angry with me for leaving. Angry because he was sure I wouldn’t come back.

And now here I am, refusing to leave.

Went was right—it would’ve been much easier if I’d let him push me out of Boston six months ago. I’m good at what I do and nursing is a profession you can do anywhere. Every city needs them. I could be somewhere else right now. Somewhere I could’ve started over without the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, looming over me.

You were in love with him and if I had to guess, he was in love with you too.

Coffee churning in my stomach, I stand up and make my way to the kitchen to dump it in the sink. Deciding that I’ve stalled long enough and that any longer will mark me as a coward, I pick up my phone and text Ryan.

Me: Need me for anything?

---