Page 42 of Untouchable Queen
I am curious how my sister has handled falling in love with a man we considered an enemy not so long ago. I’ll be honest, it caught me completely by surprise when she told me. I wasn’t entirely enthusiastic about it either—or supportive. But now, seeing how well they fit together, I can’t be anything but happy for them. And it’s so much easier to like Killian after knowing the lengths he would go to protect her. A shiver races down myspine as the night of our charity gala comes back to me vividly—how Killian and his men rushed us to safety when Lucian came for us, how Killian took a knife to the stomach to protect my sister, even though she’s incredibly capable of protecting herself. It’s a debt I’ll never be able to repay. All I can do is find it in my heart to support their love, because clearly, that’s what’s best for Natasha.
“They’re really good,” my sister says, her cheeks coloring adorably as she fights to keep her smile under control.
“Yeah? I’m glad.” I reach across the space between us to give her hand a squeeze.
“Really?” Natasha sounds almost surprised. “I know you haven’t necessarily been the biggest fan of my decision—and you and Killian can barely stand to be in the same room most of the time.”
A laugh escapes me, and I wrap my hands around my mug to bring it to my lips. “He’s grown on me,” I assure her after taking a scalding sip. “What matters most is that you’re happy. You are happy, aren’t you?” I press, slowly working my way around to the question I really want to ask.
“Happier than I ever imagined I could be,” she says.
“Can I…ask you something?” I hedge, staring into my caramel-colored drink.
“Anything.”
My eyes flick back up to Natasha’s gray ones. They’re round with sincerity and bordering on concern.
“How did you do it? Go from thinking of him as an enemy to being in love with him?”
A knowing sadness flashes across my sister’s face, then vanishes so quickly, I almost wonder if I imagined it. “Honestly, our chemistry went a long way to changing my mind—and Killian’s persistence. We didn’t start out on the best of terms, considering he basically blackmailed me into sleeping with himafter I tried to kill him.” My sister’s laugh is sharp, but the look on her face is full of affection as it turns indulgent, and she shakes her head. “As much as I hate to admit it, Killian’s confidence was also a major turn on. I don’t know. I guess seeing he wanted me that much made it easier to let down my guard. And when I realized that he wasn’t necessarily the villain Papa always made him out to be…” Natasha shrugs. “He’s such a good man, sometimes, it’s hard to remember what a jerk I thought he was.”
“You think Papa was wrong to refuse Killian’s proposal to begin with?”
Natasha’s smile is definitely sad now as she looks at me. “I think Papa only ever wanted what was best for us. And it’s not like Killian did himself any favors by antagonizing our father before asking to marry me. But I doubt Papa would have accepted any man’s proposal. He was alway so protective.”
Her words bring me back to that first day on the patio in Positano, when Lucian told me about the proposal he made to my father so long ago—how our father said that no man would be worthy of his daughters. It’s strange to realize how similar my story is to Natasha’s, how close Lucian’s trajectory came to Killian’s. But Killian didn’t kill our father. He didn’t kidnap anyone or force Natasha into an arranged marriage to satisfy his desires. In so many ways, I can see the good in Lucian that Natasha sees in Killian. It makes me long for the happiness they have. It gives me this needling sense of possibility that Icouldbe happy if I just gave into our relationship. But doing that would mean trusting a man who took everything from me and believing that he wouldn’t hurt me again.
“Both their hearts were in the right place,” Natasha says, cutting into my thoughts, and for a fraction of a second, I think she’s talking about Lucian and Killian—that she sees thesimilarities too. “But Papa could get so rigidly set in his opinions, and Killian can be so…”
“Brash?” I suggest, shoving my concerns aside to be present for my sister.
Natasha laughs. “I was going to say brazen, but yeah, exactly. I’m happy how it all turned out. I’m not sure I ever could have come to love Killian the way I do now if Papa had decided to arrange our marriage. This way, I know without a doubt that I can’t live without that stubborn, infuriating Irishman.”
Again, my sister’s observation hits home. The fact that I’m trapped in this marriage makes it so much harder to understand my feelings for Lucian—because I don’t have a choice. He’s my husband, and I’ll be tied to him for as long as we live. That’s the way our world works.Could I live without him if I had the choice?I should be happy at the possibility. But a cold knot of anxiety tightens around my chest instead.
“So…are you two thinking about kids, then?” I ask, forcing my tone to stay light so she won’t see the conflict eating me from within.
“We’ve talked about it,” she admits, her cheeks coloring slightly. “But I’m not quite ready. I feel like things are too up in the air right now.” She casts me a devious sidelong glance. “I’m still waiting for you to give me permission to kill Lucian because the man needs to die for everything he’s put our family through.”
I know she means to lighten the mood and be supportive of the marriage I agreed to in order to protect her, but Natasha’s words are a cold, hard reality check. I might be falling for Lucian’s charms. My resolve might be weakening, but no one else is ready to accept him. Biting the inside of my cheek, I keep the realization to myself as I try to recover quickly.
“Don’t tempt me,” I tease, playing along with her comment. Then I turn serious. “But killing Lucian wouldn’t resolve the conflict. Too many of his men are loyal to him—it would startanother war, and we’ve already seen how well that will go. We need to find peace with the situation because right now, we’re as close toactuallyhaving peace as we’ve ever been.”
“Oh please, Papa managed just fine,” Natasha says.
“And how many people did you have to kill to maintain that image? I love Papa, and I love you. I also know the risks you took, and I don’t like asking that of you. I did it once, and I would never forgive myself if you did actually get hurt. Right now, we have an opportunity to make our world a better one, and if I have to be Lucian’s wife to achieve it, then I’m willing to make that sacrifice.”
“I know,” Natasha agrees reluctantly. “I just don’t know how you can bear to sleep with him. I can’t imagine having to raise children with the monster either.”
Her face twists sympathetically, but my heart flutters and my skin warms.
Trying to make light of the comment, I flash her a wicked grin. “It goes a long way that he’s managed to uphold the reputation of Italian lovers.” I give Natasha a playful wink.
That breaks the tension, and Natasha laughs. But as I look back into my coffee mug, I feel as conflicted as ever—because her comment about raising children with Lucian has made me realize something. In all the chaos of being swept off to Italy and scrambling to get home, I lost track of it, but now I’m fairly certain.
My period is several weeks late.
24
