Page 107 of The Hotel Room

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

James

The office was as quiet as always, the hum of the air conditioner filling the silence. James sat on the worn leather couch, his hands loosely clasped in his lap. He stared at the coffee table, its surface cluttered with a tissue box and a few neatly stacked magazines he never touched.

Dr. Adler sat across from him, her notepad balanced lightly on her knee. Her calm, steady gaze rested on him, patient as ever, waiting for him to start.

James exhaled, the sound shaky in the stillness. He glanced at the window behind her, where faint streaks of sunlight cut through the blinds, then down at his hands.

“I feel like I’m holding my breath all the time,” he said finally, his voice low. “Like I’m just…waiting. For Kate to leave. For her to tell me she’s done.”

Dr. Adler tilted her head slightly, her pen pausing over the notepad. “What makes you think she’ll leave?”

He laughed bitterly, the sound harsh. “Because she should. After what I did…she should’ve already left.”

“Do you want her to leave?”

“No,” he said quickly, shaking his head. “God, no. I—I can’t even think about it. But I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve the chance she’s giving me. And every day, I feel like I’m walking this tightrope, waiting to fall off.”

Dr. Adler didn’t respond immediately, giving his words space to settle. Then she asked, “Do you trust yourself not to fall off?”

The question hit harder than he expected. He opened his mouth, then closed it, his chest tightening.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, his voice breaking. “I want to. I’ve been working so hard to—to fix myself. To understand why I did what I did. But part of me wonders if that’s enough. If I’ll ever…be enough.”

“Enough for who?”

“For her,” he said softly.

Dr. Adler set her notepad aside, leaning forward slightly. “James, let’s focus on that for a moment. What does it mean to you to be ‘enough’ for Kate?”

He swallowed hard, his throat aching. The words felt heavy, tangled, but he forced them out.

“She deserves everything,” he said. “She’s…God, she’s the best person I know. She’s strong and kind and patient, and she gave me this incredible life—our family, our kids. And I—” He stopped, his hands tightening into fists. “I ruined it. I ruinedher.”

Dr. Adler’s voice remained calm, steady. “You’re taking responsibility for your actions, James. That’s a necessary step. But being ‘enough’ for someone isn’t about perfection. It’s about being present, being honest, being accountable. Are you doing that?”

He nodded slowly. “I’m trying. I’ve been trying every day since…since she came back. I come to therapy, I journal, I make sure she knows I love her. But I still feel like I’m playing catch-up, like I’ll never undo the damage I’ve done.”

“You can’t undo it,” Dr. Adler said gently. “What you can do is rebuild. And rebuilding takes time, effort, and patience. Are you willing to give her that?”

“Of course I am,” he said without hesitation.

“Good,” she said, her tone firm but encouraging. “Then let’s talk about what that looks like. What are you rebuilding?”

James hesitated, his jaw tightening. “Trust. Respect. The feeling that she’s safe with me again.”

Dr. Adler nodded. “And what about yourself?”

He frowned, confused. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve been focused on rebuilding your marriage,” she said. “But what about rebuilding yourself? Do you trust yourself, James? Do you respect yourself?”

The question made his stomach churn. He shook his head slightly. “Not really. Not after what I did.”

“Then that’s where we start,” she said. “Because if you don’t believe you can be the man Kate deserves, how can you expect her to believe it?”

The words hit like a punch to the gut, but he couldn’t argue with them.

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