Page 108 of The Hotel Room

Dr. Adler leaned back slightly, her gaze softening. “Tell me, James—who are you, at your core? When you strip away the guilt, the mistakes, the fear—who is James?”

He blinked, the question leaving him hollow. “I don’t know,” he whispered.

“That’s okay,” she said. “That’s why you’re here. To figure that out. To become someone you can be proud of—not just for Kate, but for yourself.”

James nodded, his throat tight. He wasn’t sure how to start, but he knew she was right. He had to trust himself before he could ever hope to rebuild what he’d broken.

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The sun hung high in the sky, its warm rays cutting through the cool breeze that swept through the park. The sound of kids laughing and the occasional bark of a dog filled the air as James walked along the path with Noah and Lily.

Lily skipped ahead, her braids bouncing with each step, talking about everything and nothing all at once.

Noah walked beside James, his hands shoved deep into his hoodie pockets. His shoulders were hunched, his faceset in that familiar teenage scowl that had grown sharper since...everything.

Lily darted back toward them, her face lighting up when she spotted the ice cream truck parked near the playground. “Daddy, can I get ice cream? Please?”

James smiled faintly, reaching into his wallet. “Here,” he said, handing her a few bills.

“Can I get sprinkles?” she asked eagerly.

“You can get whatever you want,” he said with a small smile.

Her squeal of delight eased some of the tension in his chest as she ran off toward the truck.

James and Noah stood together in silence, watching her wait in line. She rocked back and forth on her heels, clearly debating her flavor choices even before she got to the front.

James glanced at Noah, who was staring straight ahead, his jaw tight. He didn’t look angry, exactly, but there was a tension in his posture that made James’s chest ache.

“You know, you can get one too,” James offered.

Noah shrugged without looking at him. “I’m good.”

The silence stretched between them, heavy and awkward. James exhaled, running a hand through his hair.

“Noah,” he started, his voice low, unsure how to even begin. “I know I’ve let you down.”

Noah didn’t respond right away, his expression unreadable. Finally, he muttered, “Yeah, you have.”

The bluntness of it stung, but James nodded, accepting it. “You’re right,” he said quietly. “I have. And I hate myself for it.”

Noah turned to him, his brows furrowing slightly. “Why? Why did you do it?”

James hesitated, his stomach churning. The truth felt heavy, tangled, impossible to put into words. How could he explain something so shameful to his son?

“I—I was scared,” he admitted finally, his voice hoarse. “I didn’t understand who I was outside of being your mom’s husband and your dad. I thought I was supposed to be able step outside of that.” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t see that you’re my foundation. You and Lily and Kate,” his voice broke on her name. “You and Lily and your mom are the very foundation of me.”

James rubbed his face. He wanted to explain this to his son, to teach him something about being a man even if Noah would never be able to trust him again. “I let my own insecurities and stupid, shallow thoughts get in the way of everything that was good in my life. And I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

Noah stared at him, his expression a mixture of anger and confusion. “You’re not supposed to be scared,” he muttered. “You’re Dad. You’re supposed to have it all figured out.”

James’s chest tightened, the weight of Noah’s words pressing hard against him. “I know,” he said softly. “And I’m sorry to disappoint you, kid. But I don’t have it all figured out. I’m trying.I’m working on being better—for you, for Lily, for your mom. But I’ve made mistakes. Big ones. And I’ll never stop trying to make up for them.”

The admission felt raw, vulnerable, like laying his soul bare. Noah didn’t pull away, but he didn’t look at James either, his gaze fixed somewhere on the ground.

After a long moment, he said, “Do you think she’s ever going to forgive you?”

James’s throat tightened. He swallowed hard, his voice barely above a whisper when he responded. “I don’t know, Noah. I hope she does. But even if she doesn’t, I’ll still be here. I’ll still love her. And I’ll still love you and Lily. That will never change.”

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