Page 44 of The Hotel Room

I was curious. I needed to know what I’d missed. But that’s not true either, is it? I wasn’t just curious. I was selfish. I had everything. I had Kate. I had our family. And I still wanted more.

The pen slowed again.

A dull throb formed behind his ribs, his pulse heavy in his ears.

I told myself I deserved to feel free. Like I’d missed out on something other men got. But what did I really miss out on? What could possibly be worth…

He stopped.

Because the wordsI deservedfelt...wrong.

Uneasy.

Like a lie.

James dragged a hand over his face, exhaling hard, the weight in his chest pressing heavier.

He stared at the page, rereading his own words, and for the first time—really seeing them.

This wasn’t about being curious. This wasn’t about Nick and his casual flings. It wasn’t even about the fact I had only ever been with one woman.

The words clawed up from his chest, bitter and undeniable.

I didn’t know who I was outside of this life. Who I was without her.

He blinked hard, swallowing past the tightness in his throat.

His hand was shaking now as he set the pen down.

Because for the first time, the anger drained out of him—leaving only the truth.

James’s breath caught, shallow and uneven, the edges of his vision blurring as a wave of heat flushed beneath his skin. His chest felt too tight, like he couldn’t pull in enough air, the pressure building, crushing. His hands curled into fists on the table, knuckles white, heart hammering so hard he could feel it in his throat.

Oh God. What have I done?

The room felt too small, the silence pressing in, suffocating. His pulse roared in his ears.

I can’t stop thinking about the look on her face that day. The pain in her eyes. The disbelief.

James’s hand tightened on the pen, his knuckles turning white. His stomach churned, bile rising at the memory.

How do you ever come back from something like this? How do you even begin to make amends when the damage feels endless?

A bead of sweat slipped down his temple, and he wiped it away hastily. His chest felt heavy, like there was a weight he couldn’t shake pressing against his ribs.

I destroyed the person I love the most. The person who trusted me. The mother of my kids. My partner.

His vision blurred, tears threatening, but he blinked them back. The shame sat hot and acidic in his throat, and he swallowed hard against it.

I was so fucking stupid. I wanted to feel like someone else, but I only found out how hollow that could be.

His jaw clenched so tightly it ached, and he forced himself to loosen it, exhaling a shaky breath that didn’t make him feel any better.

She deserves someone better. Someone who wouldn’t make her question her worth, someone who wouldn’t break her heart.

James paused, pressing the heel of his hand against his eyes as if he could push the self-loathing back. But it stayed, burrowing deeper into his chest.

He hadn’t just hurt Kate.

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