Page 84 of The Hotel Room

He exhaled sharply, shaking his head. “Deeper? I don’t know what you want me to say. I was around Nick too much, okay? Listening to his stories. His apps. He made it sound so easy, so normal—like it was just part of being a guy. And I—”

His throat tightened, heat crawling up his neck. “I was stupid enough to believe it.”

Silence.

Dr. Adler didn’t respond right away. She let the words linger before gently pressing, “What did Nick’s lifestyle represent to you?”

James blinked, frowning. “What do you mean?”

Her gaze was steady, unwavering. “You’ve described Nick’s hookups as ‘easy’ and ‘carefree.’ Do you think that’s what you were looking for? An escape from responsibility?”

He opened his mouth to argue, but the truth was already there, gnawing at the edges of his mind.

“It wasn’t about escaping,” he muttered. “It was...God, it was stupid. I’d just—” He stopped, voice catching, his jaw tight. “I’d never had a casual hookup. Never even considered it. I’ve been with Kate since I was eighteen. One woman. One relationship. Nick made it sound like...like I’d missed out on something.”

Dr. Adler nodded, calm but firm. “You mentioned before feeling like you missed out. On what, James?”

The knot in his chest twisted tighter. He could feel it now—the words he didn’t want to say pressing up against his ribs.

“I don’t know,” he whispered. “Maybe…discovering who I really was.”

And it sounded so small now. So selfish.

She didn’t let him off the hook. “But it didn’t make you feel more like yourself, did it?”

He shook his head, the truth hitting harder than he was ready for. “No. It made everything worse. I—I destroyed the one thing that gave me purpose. I didn’t just hurt Kate. I broke myself. I broke the foundation of everything I built my life around. And for what? A moment I didn’t even want.”

The words sounded hollow as they left his lips, and guilt followed closely behind.

Dr. Adler’s voice was quieter now. “And who is ‘you,’ James?”

His stomach dropped.

He stared at his hands, his vision blurring around the edges as the realization hit harder than he expected.

“I don’t know,” he said hoarsely. “I don’t know who I am without Kate. I’ve—my entire life has been about being there. For Kate. For the kids. Providing. Holding it together. And when she moved into the guest room...when the house felt so empty, it was like—I lost my purpose in life.”

His chest ached, the words scraping raw. “It’s more than just the guilt of hurting the woman I love. It’s...losing them feels like losing myself. Because they’re all I am.”

Dr. Adler’s voice remained steady, anchoring him. “You need to decide what comes next—how to rebuild yourself, not just your marriage. Because until you do, you won’t be able to give Kate the emotional honesty she deserves.”

The ache in his chest felt unbearable, but this time, he didn’t turn away from it.

He nodded, swallowing hard. “I’m ready to figure that out.”

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James wiped his hands on his jeans, palms damp despite the cool breeze drifting in through the open shed door. The studio was done. Almost.

The shed he’d neglected for years—the same place where he used to stash his old tools and half-finished projects—was now something else entirely. The space was transformed. Insulated. Warm. Fresh white paint coated the walls, clean and blank, waiting for her to fill them with color.

He’d gone all out with the window. Larger than he’d initially planned, almost floor-to-ceiling, flooding the room with natural light. The glass stretched wide across the back wall, opening up to a view of the garden, where the sun cast soft shadows on the dew-damp grass.

The floors were bare. The furniture nonexistent—on purpose.

This wasn’t his space to finish. It washers.

James stood near the door, shifting his weight as he heard the sound of the back door opening. Footsteps.

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