Page 86 of The Hotel Room

His breath hitched. She wasn’t crying. But there was something in her voice—soft, fragile.

After a beat, her gaze dropped to the floor. “It doesn’t change what happened.”

James flinched, the truth landing like a punch to the gut.

“I know,” he whispered.

She shook her head, her voice trembling slightly now.

“I never felt unhappy in our life. Ichosethis life. I chose you. I loved being a mom, a wife. I didn’t think of it as giving up anything. Not until you made me feel like it wasn’t enough. LikeIwasn’t enough.”

James felt the words lodge deep inside him, like a blade twisting. He deserved every second of it.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, voice breaking. “I know I’ve said that before. But Iam. I’ve been thinking—reallythinking—about why I…why I did what I did. Why I let myself destroy something so precious.”

Kate’s gaze stayed on the floor, her arms folding protectively over herself, like she was bracing for the next painful truth.

“Because you felt trapped?”

He shook his head immediately, taking a careful step closer, the ache pressing harder against his chest.

“No. I told myself that for a long time. Ibelievedthat lie because it was easier than facing the truth. I wasn’t trapped, Kate. I waslost.”

Her brow furrowed slightly, but she didn’t speak.

James swallowed hard, forcing the words out, his voice thick with self-disgust.

“I thought I was supposed to be…different. I got so caught up in—” He gestured vaguely, voice rising, almost frantic. “I let myself believe that being your husband, being their dad—it wasjust...a title. Just this role I wasperforminginstead of who Iwas.”

His hands curled into fists at his sides, tension radiating through his frame as he looked at her—looked at the woman he’d built his entire life with. The woman who had once trusted him completely. The thought made his stomach churn.

“When I…when I took that away,” he continued, his voice dropping, quieter now but no less raw, “when I stripped away being a husband and father…I thought I’d find something else. Something more. Like there was this other version of me buried underneath it all, waiting to come out.”

He shook his head, his expression twisting with bitterness. “But there wasn’t. There was nothing there. I was flailing around in the dark, trying to find something—anything—that felt like…like what I thought men were supposed to be. Strong. Confident. Free. And I told myself that meant casual sex, a dating app, acting like Nick—like that was the answer.”

He swallowed hard, his voice breaking again as he continued. “I was wrong. I was so wrong, Kate.” His eyes locked onto hers, desperate and vulnerable. “Because when I took away being your husband and their father, there wasn’t some other me waiting underneath. Thatisme. That’s who I am. Your husband. Their dad. That’s all I’ve ever been. And it’s all I want to be.”

His voice wavered as he added, almost to himself, “I just didn’t realize it until I’d already destroyed it.”

His throat tightened, but he pushed through it, the words raw and desperate.

“It’s not just a role. It’sme. Being your husband—being the father to our children—it isn’t something I put on like a uniform when I walk through the door. It’swho I am. It’s ineverythingI do, everything I feel, even when I was too selfish and stupid to see it.This—” His hand gestured toward her, toward the house, toward the baby she carried. “This is my identity. It’s not a burden, it’s not some box I’m trapped in. It’s fulfilling and wonderful, and it’s the best damn thing in the world. And I—”

His voice cracked, the self-hatred thick in his throat.

“I almost threw it all away. For what? To chase some illusion that I was missing out on life? I hadeverything, Kate.Everything. And I lost sight of that.”

Kate finally lifted her eyes to his, and what he saw there—God, it wasn’t anger. It wasn’t even sadness.

It waswounded. A deep, aching pain.

James’s heart twisted painfully.

“I see it now,” he whispered. “I see you. I see our life. And I’m not confused anymore. Iknowwho I am. I am your husband. I am Noah and Lily’s father. And I am so proud to be those things.”

The tears were there, stinging his eyes as he forced the last words out.

“I love you. Not just because of what we’ve built. Not just because we’ve been together for so long. I love you foryou. And if I have to spend the rest of my life proving that to you...I will.”

---