Page 37 of Santa's Dark Secret

Nick pulls me in against his chest, holding me tight, his arm curled around my body and his hand in my hair. I cry against his warm chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart—a heart I fear I won’t get the chance to see again. What if this is goodbye? What if something happens during the year and one of us realizes it’s time to move on? He promises it won’t happen, that I’ll always be it for him, that when a soul finds its person, it sticks. But how can that truly be real? How can I hold onto this love from someone who I only ever see once a year? He’ll soon enough forget me the moment he meets someone new, someone not so far away, someone far less complicated than me.

“Don’t,” he says. “I know where your head has gone. This isn’t it, Mila. I’ll come back for you again. Wish me here, just like you did this year.”

I pull back, hating the tears staining my cheeks, and as I look up into those dark eyes, I see the same pain in my heart reflected in his eyes. He wants to stay just as much as I need him to, but how am I ever supposed to make this work?

He’s going to walk away and my heart will tear to shreds.

Nick takes my hand and leads me out into my living room where he reluctantly gets dressed. He pulls his red coat back on and fixes the belt into place before stepping into his black boots. He’s the perfect sexy Santa, and despite having sat with his identity for a year now, it’s still crazy to try and wrap my head around.

The moment he’s dressed, he takes my hand again, and we make our way to the living room window, just as we had lasttime. He helps me out onto the fire escape, only this time, the walk up to the roof is silent and filled with deep sorrow. I can’t keep the tears from coming, knowing just how hard a year without him truly is.

Reaching the roof, I’m met with the sight of the beautiful reindeer, and just like last December, they completely blow me away. The sleigh is a crazy sight, but the reindeer are what truly hold my attention. We walk toward them, and with each of them awake and ready for their trek back home, I can’t help but notice how I hold their attention.

Nick stops just shy of the reindeer, and as he turns to meet my stare, there’s a strange reluctance in his eyes, something dark, but I can’t quite put my finger on why. “This is really it?” I ask.

He nods. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you all of your wishes.”

“I know,” I murmur, stepping into him again and feeling the way his strong arms wrap around me. “You don’t need to be sorry. I understand. I shouldn’t have asked for it. I just . . . I so badly wish that I could be yours. To be with you every day. To havethisevery day.”

That strange darkness flashes in his eyes again. “You don’t understand what you’re asking for,” he says. “Do you know what a life with me would mean?”

“No,” I admit. “But I don’t even care. I want it. Anything is better than the life I have here without you.”

Nick takes a breath, and he looks at me like he’s truly struggling to walk away and leave me here broken just as he did last year. His hands ball into tight fists, his jaw clenching and unclenching. He closes his eyes again, and when he opens them, they’re somehow even darker. Something within his stare warns me it’s time to walk away, but I can’t.

“Let me hear you wish it,” he murmurs, the pain clear in his deep tone.

I let out a sigh, my hand falling to his and holding it tight, realizing he needs to hear the words just as much as I do. To know that when he leaves, my heart will still belong to him, and with that, I step in even closer and tilt my chin up. “Nick, I wish to be only yours. I wish to fully belong to you, to have your heart every single day of the rest of our lives. I wish to be where you are and start a life with you.”

“Are you sure?” he rumbles, his jaw clenching again as his eyes flicker with that terrifying darkness.

“Yes, Nick,” I say, willing him to truly hear me. “I’ve never been so sure. I’m crazy in love with you, and I never want to be away from you like this again. I’m yours, Nick. And I will spend every day of the rest of my life wishing things could be different.”

And not a moment later, his hand comes up around the back of my neck, and everything goes black.

12

NICK

Ahh fuck.

There’s messed up and then there is the needs-to-be-imprisoned messed up.

The sleigh touches down on the snow a mile outside of my home, far away from the workshop or where I’m supposed to land, but considering Mila is passed out cold beside me, perhaps showing up within civilization probably isn’t the best idea.

I fucking kidnapped her.

What the fuck is wrong with me? She wished for it, and while I still possessed the ability to make her wish come true, I made it happen, but she told me this is what she wanted, so I’m sure once she wakes and realizes what the fuck just went down, she’ll be fine with it.

I hope.

Knocking her out though, it was a cold move, but I had no choice. Time was running out. Once the sun broke the horizon on Christmas morning, my ability to grant Christmas wishesdiminished. She wouldn’t have survived the ride back to the North Pole, so I did what was necessary, even if actually doing it made me fucking sick to my stomach.

I could just see the judgment in the reindeers’ eyes. They’re gentle beasts, and knocking a girl out clearly didn’t sit well with them. They protested the whole way home, making for one hell of a rocky ride, but once they realized I was fucking things up again and not taking them straight back to the main city, they were fucking pissed and they made sure I knew it.

The reindeer are creatures of habit. They like things done a certain way, and when you’re the one responsible for fucking with their schedule, they can be absolute assholes. But considering I’m the one who has cared for them most of their lives, I like to believe they’ll quickly forgive me. At least when they realize that I’m the one who’s going to bring them their dinner, they’ll come racing back. These little fuckers like to eat.

The plan today is to . . . fuck. I don’t really know. For now, I just want to get her back to my place before she wakes up and realizes what I’ve done, and after that, I’ll work it out as I go.

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