Page 24 of Merlot Marriage

“Yes, yes. You are definitely not a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. No offense, but you’re just my ex-boyfriend’s type. He had a thing for brunettes with D-cups and hips.” Sarah waves away my sputtering with a wink. “Come on, spit it out already.”

Self-conscious, I cross my arms over my chest and push my tits down. “I guess the server kept looking down my shirt. I didn’t notice at first, but it was pretty obvious by the time we were done. It annoyed Philip the same way I got annoyed by the host, and he—” I pause to gather my courage before confessing what has had me tied in knots all evening.

“So help me, if you don’t finish that sentence, I will make you clean the bathroom every shift for the next month.” Sarah glares at me.

“He kissed me. Like, really kissed me. Kissed me like I was his real wife, not just on paper,” I blurt out, my face already burning up.

“And?”

I’m tempted to throw a cloth over my head to avoid her judgement. Instead, I settle for looking around the shop, a glance at the clock telling me we only have another thirty minutes until closing. “And I liked it.”

“Good god, that’s it? You’re telling me a smart girl like you is twisted up in knots because your best friend, who is objectively attractive, kissed you like he meant it and you liked it?” Sarah swats at my backside. “Go clean tables and think about why you’re ridiculous.”

I do as I’m told, not that I need the time to know I’m being silly. I don’t need my master’s to admit that Philip and I have been straddling the fence between dating and friendship for years. The carefully constructed line we’d established at the start of our friendship is built from the knowledge that he’s only here temporarily and my determination not to repeat the mistakes of my undergraduate years.

But then I’d caught him scrolling through his phone in Vegas, looking defeated by yet another rejection. I could blame it on the shots I’d been downing with Cassie all afternoon. Or knowing that we were close enough to graduation to feel a little risky.ButThe Proposalhad flashed through my mind, and I’d Sandra Bullocked my way into snagging my own Ryan Reynolds.

Kind of. If the roles were reversed. And Sandra Bullock’s character wasn’t a total asshole. And obviously no trip to Alaska. The parallels are very nebulous, but I really like thinking of Philip as Ryan Reynolds. If you squint and ignore the hair, he could be.

Finishing up my thesis and studying for finals let me pretend I hadn’t married Philip on a whim. Or that a secret part of me was disappointed that the moment our Elvis impersonator had pronounced us husband and wife, Philip hadn’t confessed that he’d been in love with me from the start.

Ever since graduation, my excuse not to think about our relationship has vanished. And I’ve done nothing but think about the fact that IwantPhilip to want me.

Thankfully, Sarah lets the topic go as we close the coffee shop and clean up. After locking everything up, we walk out to our cars, parked beside each other in the back corner of the lot. She hasn’t said anything else about my situation, but she’s had a thoughtful look on her face that means I’m in for a parting shot of advice before she heads home.

“Can I make a suggestion? As your friend?”

There it is. “Sure.” I brace myself, knowing I’m not going to like it, because Sarah always gives me uncomfortably good advice. She may be younger than me, but she’s lived a lot of life.

“When you get home, try kissing him again. Like you mean it.”

“Sarah! That is not helpful. We’re just friends. Besides…” I let my real fear slip out. “What if he doesn’t want it? Doesn’t want me. That might make everything worse.”

It has occurred to me that if I wanted to hook up with Philip, now would be the perfect time. He’s staying with me, we’re both at loose ends, and when things go south, he’ll likely be leavingPortland. I won’t have to live with the disappointment of yet another failed relationship.

Sarah unlocks her car and tosses her purse into the passenger seat. “Or, you find out that he does. Better to know than live in limbo.”

“Is it? At least there’s no risk of losing my best friend if I don’t.”

“But what if you lose the love of your life because you were too scared to try?”

Philip

Flipping the shower tocold didn’t help. Neither did working the tasting room at Sunshine Cellars all afternoon. It almost managed to distract me from the breathy sound Ophie made when I kissed her. Almost.

But as my dear old dad always says—almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

Which is a really fucking dark saying for my dad, who I don’t think has ever had a dark thought in his life. Which is probably why I remember it.

When I arrived, Maggie gave me a quick tutorial on the payment system and an even quicker rundown on the wine list before she left for her meeting. I’d muddled along okay, only having to text Nate for help with the payment system once, and then waited for Kel to come back to shut everything down for me.

And the whole time I’d been chatting with customers, I couldn’t stop thinking about how Ophie’s lips had felt against mine. And how much I wanted to do it again.

Was she thinking about me while she was at work, the same way I was thinking about her?

To distract myself, I’d picked up dinner and settled in for a binge-watch of Miyazaki movies. Nothing like my childhood favorites to keep me from thinking very unchildlike thoughts. When that didn’t hold my attention, I pulled my laptop out and started scrolling through job opportunities and submitting my next round of applications.

My plan was only partially successful, so I threw myself into the shower in an attempt to cool myself off enough to go to bed. The end-of-June heat wave creeping up on us isn’t helping the situation.

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