Page 35 of Merlot Marriage

Ignoring my command, she keeps poking my back, her nails digging into my skin. “Philip, put me down. Put me downnow.”

I head toward my bedroom, swallowing my curse when my hip bashes into the back of the couch. “I’m not letting you take the couch. You should sleep in the bed, ninny.”

“I’m not a ninny. You’re a ninny. Besides, that’syourbed.” Her voice is muffled against my spine but still loud enough to hear.

“Didn’t stop you from sleeping in it last night. Do you even know what a ninny is?” I push the door open and flick on the light, careful not to smack her head on the frame.

The bed is still half unmade, my side of the white duvet pushed aside from when I threw it back this morning. Ophie’s side is perfectly neat, exactly how I found it this morning when I woke up and she was gone.

I turn to close the door behind me, not letting go of her thighs. “You sleep here. End of discussion.”

“Only if you sleep here too.” Being the stubborn woman she is, she wraps her arms around me in an upside-down koala hug. “I’m not letting go until you agree.”

“You can’t hang over my shoulder all night, Ophie.”

“Watch me.” She tightens her grip, her thighs tensing beneath my hands.

The challenge is too much to resist, so I lean forward, intending to toss her onto the bed. Instead of letting go and falling on her back like I expect, she keeps her death grip on me. As gravity takes over and she hits the bed at terminal velocity, she takes me with her.

I crash over her, my head and shoulder taking the brunt of my weight as they dig into her stomach. An unladylike noise trumpets from both her mouth and her ass as the rest of me rolls sideways off the edge of the bed. My butt catches on the corner, and the frame creaks ominously.

“Oh my god, oh my god.” Ophie’s horrified whispers meld with the noise of the bed frame cracking underneath us. With a final thud, my knees hit the ground as I roll off her. The silence that follows is deafening.

Ophie pushes up to her elbows. “Ahhh—”

“Did you—”

We both stop talking as the bed frame creaks again. Gingerly, I lift my elbows off the mattress. “Are you okay?” I try again after a moment of silence.

She doesn’t answer, just stares at me, mouth open. It’s dark, but I think her cheeks are turning red as I stare back.

“Ophie?”

She still doesn’t respond, but her eyes are getting wider and wider. Just when I’m about to panic, she gasps and coughs, doubling over on the bed. Her sudden movement sets the bed groaning once more.

I push to my feet so I can check on her. As I get clear of the bed, it’s obvious that the corner I hit is sitting lower than the rest of it.

“Did I knock the wind out of you?”

Ophie is still doubled over, gasping. I can’t think of what else to do but rub circles on her back like a useless baboon. The creaking has stopped, so I keep rubbing her back as I lean down to inspect the damage.

The metal leg of the frame is bent at an angle, no longer supporting the weight of the bed. One good bounce on it would have the whole corner of the mattress sliding down like a waterfall.

“Fuck. I’m sorry, Ophie.”

She finally catches her breath, curling up into a ball on her side, her one visible eye glaring at me. “We are never going to speak of this again.”

“Speak of what?”

“Anything that happens in this room.” Sucking a long breath in through her nose, she pushes up to her hands.

“You mean the sex? Or how you farted on my face?”

The second I say it, she bounces off the bed, but I catch her around the waist and pull her into me. The force of her backhitting my chest knocks me backward, the edge of the mattress catching the back of my knees and taking us down.

Again, we both fall onto the same corner as before. With a screech of metal, it collapses underneath us. Something under the bed breaks and splinters. We slide to the ground, the frame jabbing painfully into my spine, but I don’t let go of my squirming wife.

“Philip, let me go.” She pushes at me and kicks her legs, but I’ve got too good a grip.

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