Page 69 of All the Drama from New York

Fuck, she’s right. I am a loser.

And if Camille could see that so clearly, then what hope did he have to win her heart? Ordinary women had been avoiding getting tangled up with him for years. Who was he to eventhink he might one day be good enough for someone like her? Someone so amazing.

The sound of footsteps padding across the porch and down the front steps had Ryan lowering his head in defeat. Whatever Camille had to say, he would take his punishment.

“Ryan?”

“Yep.”

“I’m sorry I lashed out at you. It was unforgiveable. Can you please come back inside? We really need to talk.”

He wasn’t sure if he went back into the house, whether he’d be able to hold himself together long enough to explain why he couldn’t play her Prince Charming. To finally share the truth with her, of what that night on the beach four years ago, had cost him.

They were sharing a bed, and had been open and honest with one another whenever they made love. Until just now, he’d thought their relationship was growing stronger by the day. Now he didn’t know where they stood.

But I owe her the truth of why I can’t get up in front of all those people and play the fool.

He had to tell her.

“Do you remember when I told you that the ending ofBachelors on the Beachwas scripted and none of it was real? That I was simply acting.”

“Yes.”

“Well I lied.”

His heart was racing. Only Liam knew how much that night had cost Ryan. How crushed he’d been when he hadn’t been picked as the winner. He’d kept that painful secret hidden for the past four years. Before meeting Camille, he’d intended to keep it buried for the rest of his life.

But I owe Camille the truth.

He drew in a shaky breath. “My reaction on the beach the night of the finale was real. I thought Kaylee was going to choose me as her bachelor. They made me stand there for forever while they focused the camera on my face. And all that time, I had to keep staring out to sea and smiling.”

“Oh Ryan, I can’t begin to imagine how that must have felt,” she whispered.

Hot tears stung his eyes. “I can’t be your Prince Charming, because fairytales aren’t real. I thought Kaylee was the princess who wanted to be loved. Turned out she was just looking for a meal ticket. I stood on a beach knowing full well that millions of people were watching. And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do as I felt my heart being ripped out of my fucking chest.”

If Camille had watched the show as she’d claimed she had, she would know exactly how the bachelorette had behaved. Seen all of her fake tears. Witnessed his devastation.

He didn’t stop her as she reached up and brushed away his tears. “I knew you were lying when you told me it was all scripted. That you didn’t care about not winning. I watched every minute ofBachelors on the Beach,and I could see she’d broken your heart.”

“No one ever mentions that your fifteen minutes of fame might turn out to be an absolute shit show, Camille. Which is why I don’t want to be front and center of anything ever again.”

Camille nodded. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed. I thought I was trying to help you find your way, but I have no right to tell you what to do with you life. Nor judge you for your choices. Not when I’ve never once had to worry about facing the world if I failed.”

“I didn’t meant what said about you and your family. I lashed out in anger, and I’m sorry. That was really horrible.”

“It might have been horrible, but you were right. I’ve never had to walk the tightrope without a safety net. So, I can’t say I understand my privilege, when clearly, I don’t.”

Her eyes were red. She’d been crying. They’d both been hurt. But oddly Ryan felt a sense of relief. Some of the things they had been avoiding talking about had finally seen the light of day.

He took hold of Camille’s hand and raised it to his lips. “We’re going to have to learn to talk about things and not lose it with one another. I know we come from different worlds, but there has to be a middle ground where we can co-exist.”

Camille nodded. “Yes. I’m all for finding that. Together.”

As they walked hand in hand across the narrow dirt track and back up the front steps, Ryan felt they’d made real progress. They were finally seeing one another for who they really were.

But he was still a long way from telling Camille how deeply he felt about her. How much he wanted her love.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

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