Page 57 of Covert Desires

Finally free, Nico stretches out his neck, touching his fingers to the space where the collar rested before. It looks almost strange now, so empty. I’ve gotten used to the collar; it suited him.

“Do you think I can also have a turn to ask some questions?” I ask, stepping back.

Nico’s jaw clenches. “Why?”

“I’m going to ruin my life for a mob killer, I want to know what I’m dealing with.”

He sighs, sinking into the armchair beside the bed. I don’t know if that’s a yes or a no, but I hope we’ve moved beyond keeping secrets.

Despite being overly aware of our clock running out, I fetch a couple of the beers from the fridge, reaching one out to him like we’re sitting down to a quiet night in, not counting the hours until his death sentence.

Nico opens his beer with a loud crack, downing half of it in one go before speaking, “I am many things, Kiah, but I’m not amob killer, as you call it.”

My eyes widen in surprise. “You didn’t kill your father?”

I never even considered the possibility. J. said it was an “open and shut case.” She used her connections at the police to get the case file.

All signs pointed to Nico’s guilt. Body in his car, a solid motive, no alibi, a missing murder weapon, and him fleeing the scene…what more proof did they need?

J. sent a copy of the case files to my phone last week, but I didn’t see them until today when I finally turned the phone on again to make the call I shouldn’t have made.

The photos of the crime scene were so brutal. Especially the close-up of Don Ricci with his face all busted. The report said he took quite a pummeling before finally being put out of his misery with a single bullet.

Those photos were the reason I didn’t immediately regret my traitorous call. They validated my actions. Domenico Ricci was simply an evil man who needed to pay for his actions. I was just doing what was necessary to protect myself, protect my slice of paradise.

But paradise doesn’t exist. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I was just lying to myself. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wonderingwhat ifwhile my soul shrivels up and dies.

Besides, it’s not like suddenly taking the moral high road would erase my own list of sins, my own murders. I’ve done some fucked up things in my life…

The guilt sits heavy in my stomach now; I shouldn’t have thrown Nico under the bus like that.

J. was surprised that the missing mobster hadsuddenlyjustappearedon the island, but I spun some vague story about how I saw him on the beach one day, how he was staying somewhere else.

As soon as I put the phone down, a tinge of regret started tugging at my insides, a little thread that unraveled faster and faster the further I ran.

By the time I got to the lighthouse, my regret had grown unbearably heavy, threatening to strangle me, suffocate me.

I called J. back, trying to revoke my treachery. But it was too late, she’d already passed the message along to the Ricci’s.

As my heart plummeted, I hung up without any further explanation and ran home, throwing myself into domestic activities while I racked my brain for a solution, a way out of this mess.

I wish I could go back and undo it all.

But what’s done is done.

The only real question is,what now?

“I don’t think I killed him,” Nico answers, rubbing his temples, “I was going to. He would’ve deserved it too, but not like that…”

Taking a sip of my beer, I keep quiet, waiting for him to continue. I’m too restless to sit down, so I pace around the kitchen as he speaks.

Nico's shoulders slump as he begins, his voice hollow. "The last thing I remember, we were driving to some warehouse to pick up a package." His hand unconsciously rubs the back of his neck, tension evident in every movement. "The next moment, I woke up with a knock on my forehead, zero memories, and my father's dead body in my car."

He pauses, finishing his beer. "So, I bailed, just ran as fast as I could."

I stop for a second, my brow furrowing. "You know running makes you look guilty?"

A bitter laugh escapes his lips, "I know. But if I stayed, they would've shot me first and asked questions later." His jaw tightens, a muscle jumping beneath the skin. "You don't just kill the Don, no matter who you are."

---