Page 10 of I See Red

How can it be me, with all these tears weeping from my saddened eyes? After a few failed attempts, my frustration grows, and I opt for the code option. 03063663.

It’s Liam….Fuck.

Liam:Ivy, I don’t need to know where you are, and I don’t need to know what is going on. You said you are fine, and I trust you in your word. But baby, I need you to know that I love you, and I will catch you anytime you need me to. I’m not saying you do, but I feel you are going through something, and whenyou hurt, I hurt.I assume you will not be home until next weekend with work in the city this week, so dive into your work, and I will be waiting come Friday. Take your time. I will always be here. I love you.

Ever & Ever Amen

-Yours-

God, why is he so perfect? What fucking man puts up with the shit I put him through? I mean, he doesn’t know about T, but still, I’m kind of a rollercoaster nonetheless. The secrets, the dishonesty they come with, the times I completely disappear without explanation. I don’t deserve him. What a fucking fake loser I am. Pretending all these years with him that I am worthy of his love, his selflessness, and all that is Liam Maddox.

Ivy:

I know it’s not much, but it seems fitting. It lets him know I am okay, I love him, and I’m just not ready to talk. Funny how emojis can say so little while saying so much all in the same stroke.

Looking out my frameless room-sized window onto the city, I sit nestled in my black chaise lounge chair, staring out as the rain drips down like raging little rivers. Refilling my glass to the brim, I suck in a deep breath, letting it escape me in hopes all my turmoil will exit with it. The world is bustling this rainy Monday morning here in Boston, and I know work calls, but I just can’t find it in myself to leave my loft. One more glass, then I’ll open my laptop. For now, I need to let all my tears out. I need my bi-yearly cry.

“Alexa, playA Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope.”

“Now playingA Drop in the Ocean by Ron Popeon Apple Music.”

My tears begin to fall at a rate this blanket is unable to maintain as the lyrics dance through my soul. “I was praying that you and me might end up together.” I wonder where he is now? What is he doing? Did seeing me bring emotional destruction to him as it did I? Probably not. I have always been the sappy one in our relationship, at least on the outside. That and it’s not as complicated for him. For all these years, I have never shared with him the extent of my connection to him, nor what happened every time I left.Even more so, what having him in my life does to my soul. The memories. The terror. Her. How he saved me.

My phone begins to vibrate, another rapidly firing shortly after. Looking at my screen through rain-fogged eyes.Tayden.I ponder on whether or not to answer, but my desire gets the best of me on the last ring.

“Hello.” My tone, congested from the snot I’m continuously sucking back in, my eyes matching that of the weather outside.

“We have much to discuss, Ives.”

“Okay, so talk,” I bite, steadying my breath.

“No, not like this. Look down.”

My heart starts to race, my palms sweaty, as I stare down, looking at the bustling street. Yellow cabs swerving left and right, a flood of umbrellas floating above the sidewalks like a beautiful art display you’d find in Olive’s art gallery. The Boston streets are surely a stunning sight on a rainy day from way up here. Through all the commotion, it’s mere seconds before my search is over, and I’ve found Waldo. Him. My first love. My truest love, standing in the pouring rain, his tailored suit being pelted by every drop falling from the sky. Looking down at him, love warms me as the tears begin to dry, a smile bending across my face.

“What are you doing here? Tayden, you’re drenched.”

“I told you we have much to discuss—in person. Dry your eyes and get down here. I’m taking you somewhere,” he asserts, motioning his hand towards the car parked behind him.

“I have, I…” Trying to come up with any reason I can’t join him, my words fall short. Every part of me is telling myself not to open that door and walk down there. The nerve of him to command me to just go somewhere entices me just enough, though, and my heart wins, telling logic to fall back.

Hanging up the phone, I grab my robe, wrapping it around me, fastening it. A raincoat would be more efficient, but I have none in this home. Racing down the stairs, I burst through the door, rushing across the street, my anger breaching my happiness to see him, as my words rage like the weather.

“What makes you think you have the right to just show up here and blow up my entire life? The fuck, T? No call. No warning?” My hands swaying with the beat of my voice, drops pouring down my face, exiting my mouth with each word that leaves my lips. The burn of his chocolate eyes blazing through the depths of my soul as he examines my anger, his face expressing no emotion. He’s stoic.

“I need you to trust me, Ives. Can you do that?” he requests.

“Trust you, T. You want me to trust you? Like I trusted you to uphold part of our pact to never show up in one another’s lives without permission, much less a call or text?” I bite at him, my hands trembling, thunder crashing all around us.

“What, do you think creating some grand gesture in the rain, all stoic and cryptic, will make me get in that car with you? Do you know me at all?” I continue screaming at him.

“I do know you. Did you lock your door?” he mutters, a shit-eating grin smeared across his perfect face I desperately want to hate right now.

Crossing my arms, I stand firm in my decision. If he wants to see who can hold their position the longest, he is in for a cold fucking wet day, and not in the way we’ve talked about for years.

“Of course I did, obviously,” I grunt. “What kind of question is that? Did I lock my door?”

“So, had you any intention of going back up there,” His tone cold, pointing up to my loft as he continues, “you wouldn’t have locked it.” His words toying with my ego, certain he knew my answer before I even did.

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