Page 13 of I See Red

We don’t say much, just holding hands and making small talk about school, grades, and our future plans with his mom.

I’m just hoping I survive to my eighteenth birthday. That’s my only dream in life right now, my only future goal. Hell, thirty would be amazing; now that’s wishful fucking thinking, like me feeding his mom my UCLA aspirations.

Wearing my mask is truly a learned art form I’ve perfected over the years. It’s sad but true. For today, Tayden celebrates another year, their lives unphased, and I sit here acting like tomorrow I won’t disappear, and he will have no answers, a hole left in him, created by me.

Outside of karate and soccer, Tayden has always loved laser tag, so I was not surprised that’s where he chose to have his birthday. I am the only girl though, and it makes me feel insecure being surrounded by all the boys. I’m used to men, not who they were before they became them. However, it was nice being the only girl worth inviting. We mostly chased each other around, searching for a corner to share a kiss undetected by his friends. Luckily for me, we found a few in between the chase. Looking back and seeing him hot on my tail trying to catch me are the memories I want to hold onto forever. It’s how kids should be at my age.

We arrive back at the Bergess’ Estate and it’s stunning. I’ve never been to his home, and I try to take it all in as we pull in, but it’s certainly overwhelming. I knew they had money, but this, this is generational wealth. There’s a huge canopy made of marble, covered in vines, with perfectly placed patio furniture and a full outdoor kitchen resting underneath it. The corners are draped with white fabric blowing in the wind. Directly between that and the house is an Olympic-sized pool. Okay, not really, but it’s all that comes to mind. The other end of the pool rests just before the largest French doors I’ve ever seen. I find it crazy that he comes from this kind of money, and his personality doesn’t spew an inkling of it, always treating everyone with kindness and respect, never flaunting his family’s money. He truly is a fucking spade, and I’m a lucky girl for having that spade’s heart.

I’m insecure about my bathing suit. Is it too much? Too little? I’m the only girl here, and my self-conscious emotions are trying to get the best of me, but watching him having the time of his life with his friends somehow calms me and takes away my fears. The water is the perfect temperature; it feels like velvet across my freshly shaved legs. Swimming to the diving board, I raise myself up out of the water, my palms face down on the stone, my head tilted back from the weight of the water as it races down my body returning back into its dwelling. Walking over, I step onto the board, getting the attention of all the boys in the pool effortlessly, looking directly up at one, shooting him a smirk, my face soft, my eyes wide, entangling him in my thoughts. One, two, three, bounce, double bounce for height, and I throw a one-and-a-half twist off the board into a seamless dive with minimal splash.

Oh, if Bryan could see me now.

I scurry to pull my bottoms and top back up before rising to the top of the water, expunging the water from my eyes. Lookingdirectly at him, a laugh escapes me, and his face is exactly as I had hoped: endearing, surprised, genuine.

“Whoa, where did that come from, Ives?” he questions, swimming towards me. The rays of the sun glistening through his water-filled jet-black hair as he runs his fingers through it.

“I mean, I am a girl of many surprises, T. I thought you would have figured that out by now.”

A smile fully elongating across my face, my confidence boiling to an all-time high.

“You are certainly that and so much more, Ivy Sage Rutledge.”

I nudge his shoulder with my hand playfully to avoid deep conversation. I know it should make me feel good, but it truly makes me uncomfortable. It’s a weird thing to crave something, then receive it and find no joy in it, like I do with kindness.

“Catch me if you can,’’ I shout, Tayden hot on my fins as I splash through the water.

The thud beating in my chest, loud in my ears as I splash through the water, eagerly hoping he catches me.

Suddenly, I feel his brisk hands on my waist, and although this pool is heated, they send shivers through my spine.

“You can run, but you can never hide,” he says, turning me towards him. Our eyes lost in each other as he brushes my wet hair from my face. No words spoken, just a moment of understanding and endearment—we tend to have a lot of those. Tayden looks nervous, like he has something to say. I want to ask, but I don’t. Both of us just silently wade in the water, and for a moment, the world has melted around us.

“I have something I want to share with you. Follow me,” he says, grabbing my hand pulling me towards the stairs. I follow as we both exit the pool.

Throwing me a towel, I catch it and begin wiping off the excess water dripping down my legs before wrapping it around me.

“Where are we going?” I ask, curiosity entangling my thoughts.

“It’s a surprise. You’re not the only one allowed to have secrets, Ivy Sage Rutledge,” he counters.

Pulling me into his home, dragging me through the halls, he stops us for a moment in front of a door.

“I can be mysterious too,” he says, opening the door.

I look around, taking it all in. His room. I’ve always wondered what it looked like. On the right sits his bed, with a soccer ball comforter draped over it—perfectly made. A beautiful picture window rests across from the door looking out over the pool we just ran out of. The view of the pristine green lawn behind it seems to go on forever. Breathtaking. To the left sits a long dresser; above it is a flat-screen TV, only people like his parents could afford. A PlayStation and racing games stacked a mile high on top of his dresser, F1 and soccer posters hanging all around. Tayden sits on the edge of his bed. I can feel him watching me as I take in all that is him. It’s so nice finally seeing the place he calls home. Other than the park, our relationship is solely based at karate and school. An under breath laugh escapes me.

“Well, it certainly is you. Cars and soccer, with everything perfectly in its place.”

He straight faces me, pretending to be insulted by my attack on his OCD, but he’s not, and we both know it. Oh to be as organized as him.

“You love it” confidently rolls off his tongue.

“Sooo….is me seeing your room the surprise?” I am unsure why exactly he brought me up here, but I am taking it all in while I can. Happiness is my only emotion today since being with him. He curls a brow at me, his face smug and conceited, ashe strolls to his dresser, rummaging through his drawer, pulling something out before heading back to me. I remain still and frozen in front of his window, nervous and unsure of what could be in it.

“Ivy, I know we are kids, and I’m well aware we have our whole lives ahead of us, but I got you this. It’s a promise that we will always be a part of each other’s lives, a promise to each other, a promise for forever.”

His hand begins shaking as he pulls the tin can metal ring from a black velvet box that I am certain it didn’t come in. My face turns sheet white, and my stomach churns because although I am happy, tomorrow races through my brain, and Tayden has no idea.

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