Page 15 of I See Red

I am the only voice who hears me.

I am the only voice to keep me alive.

When the entire world tries to murder everyfiber of your existence, stripping away the good and replacing it with their own demons, the projections of their own twisted and cruel shortcomings, you can only depend on you. Never forget that, Ivy, re-read it, and read it again.

Focus on Tayden. He sees you, all of you, who you are, who you were, and who you should have been. Cherish that Ivy, fucking take that like every time before and use it, remember it, and when you feel you are going too far into the dark on your search for the light, and youmay get lost for good, use him, reach for him because he is there.

He’s never left you. FUUUUUCKKKKKKK God, I fucking hate you!

—Ivy-

A Taste of Home

“I’ve never had a home, just two people with whom make me feel as though I imagine it to be, who make me hold onto hope that one day my dreams have the possibility of becoming reality.

A chance at light through all the darkness.”

—Ivy

I’m suddenly awoken by a jolt. Instantly, my body stiffens as I sit up, unaware of where I am, or my surroundings. My hand reaches for my racing heart, the beats slowing as I glance to my right and see T sitting next to me.

“Did you sleep well, Amor?” he asks, his eyes soft.

Something about his tone tells me he is nervous. T is never nervous, causing worry to take over me about what he is getting me into. “I’m—I’m not surewellis the word to describe it,” Sarcasm on my lips as I wipe the drool from my mouth, my brain foggy, stuck somewhere between where I just was andthis moment. I’m just grateful I am no longer trapped in that nightmare of hell. Although my reality is not the way I had ever dreamed it to be, it certainly beats my subconscious I just escaped from—memories of the day I left him. The moments that broke me, the day I was committed—his birthday. Erased. Lost. Again. Forever. The last day I ever saw him until…

“You were talking in your sleep, Ivy. I wanted to wake you, but I know you needed the rest. Were you having a dream?” he questions. I look out the window, realizing we are in the middle of fucking nowhere. Avoiding his question, not wanting to go back there, I bury my desire to speak, to tell, like I have all these years changing the subject. “Where are we, T?” Closing the space between us, he reaches out, brushing the hair from my face.

“Home, we’re almost home.” Almosthome?We don’t have a home. What in the world has Tayden Bergess done? Hell, we aren’t even together. Speaking of which, I check my phone, worried Liam has reached out, left with no response. As much as he tries to give me my space, that man is obsessed, and I love him for it. Unlocking it—nothing. Only work email notifications from the office. Attempting to open them, I click, but nothing happens. “Great, no service,” I sigh, frustrated. Tayden reaches over, grabbing my phone from my hand, placing it inside his jacket pocket. “You won’t be needing this, this weekend. The bars will not come back, Ivy. It’s all part of the grand picture.” The smirk on his face oozes with a sense of pride in his statement, spoken with intent.

My frustration grows stronger at his secrecy, momentarily scaring me, but I refuse to let him see. T and I don’t do games other than the ‘I love you, I can’t have you’ one. Fuck do we love and play that one so perfectly. Destructively. Outside of that, we are straight-forward—cutthroat, for lack of a better word. No matter the consequences, we always just say it like it is.God, I hate surprises. I hate lack of control.After all theseyears of texts, FaceTime, and calls, I don’t think we’ve ever toyed with one another like he is at this moment. Like he did in his arrival and this unknown trip. Over the years, I’ve been blessed with hearing about all his sexual endeavors with all his women outside of his girlfriend, Anastasia. It’s not easy listening at times, but in a twisted way, it brings me comfort and security in us. For those women may get his body, but they will never get him the way I do. I am privy to it all; the good, bad, and ugly. Him—I get all of him. His heart, his soul, his mind, his forever. So what if I haven’t got to experience his beautifully-crafted-by-the-gods cock, that lives rent-free in my phone. I think that’s what excites us the most—the fact we haven’t crossed that line, ruined the desire, nor succumbed to the urges. Outside of fairytales and the books I read, in the real world, angst lasts longer than the act, and with us, it feeds us deeper than any one-night stand ever could. Well, that and it’s me he’s thinking of every time he thrusts himself into yet another faceless woman. So, hearing the stories, in a fucked-up way, is a version of me living out my fantasies with him without ever giving up the colossal angst that breeds between us. A way to stay on the edge of the cliff without ever jumping, allowing me to maintain my mental sanity and control. Satisfied torture, if you will, by two very fucked up humans, who enjoy the darkest parts of one another. The parts that sane humans would call red flags, T and I call green, and we fucking thrive on them.

T reaches over, opening a cabinet off to the side. The way his pants hug his firm ass sends butterflies shooting through my stomach, the air suddenly being sucked from my lungs and replaced instantaneously. The things I want this man to do to me are unholy. I am unsure how I can spend an entire getaway with him without breaking. I refuse to, and I will not be the first to allow my will to crumble. If anything, he must first. Lord knows Red will have my ass if it does. I can sense her jealousyall the way up here in Maine, just as I felt the morning she filled me in after the night at the Gala what happened between them. I’m sure she is knocking at my door as we speak.Pulling out a bottle of Champagne, he grabs two glasses, filling them to the brim. “Fuck, Champagne, you read my mind.” I gasp, leaping to grab the glass from his hand, my mental state parched, needing a resurrection. He lets a chuckle escape him as I spill a bit on the floor in my chaotic urgency. T lifts his glass to me. “Cheers to our dreams, history, and filling the plot holes in our story.”

I throw a taunting smile his way. “Plot holes, huh?” We’ve only got one I can think of, and it’s off-limits.” Throwing the entire glass back, no break between the bubbly liquid and my throat, I reach for the bottle, refilling it when he short circuits my entire body.

“Ivy, if I have it my way, I’m going to fuck you until you beg me to stop; then I’m going to fuck you again and again until your legs give out. Until your heart feels like your chest is caving in, and your pussy is so swollen that the only remedy to its pain is my tongue.”

Mentally I just bit the fuck out of my fist. His words send shockwaves to every inch of my flesh. It’s a whole new world hearing Tayden speak this way to me, mere inches away, verses through a screen like he has all these years. I feel the heat pooling between my thighs, instantly causing my clit to pulsate to the words that just left his tongue. Imagining his head between them, I throw my second glass back, knowing damn well alcohol is not the answer to the predicament I am in, but the only lifeline I currently have. Choking on the last sip, I gasp to catch my breath. My eyes drifting down between my legs as I throw my fake guard up. “That sounds like a nice dream, T, but it will take more than words to get this lily pad. I’m not like those other women. I’ve waited my entire life; temptation has no holdon me when it comes to you. Three days? Ha, that’s a fucking walk in the park!”

His jaw instantly clenches as he begins loosening his tie, leaning into me, eager for the challenge. We both know I’m full of shit, but what can I say? If I go down, it wasn’t for lack of trying.

“Mark my words, Ivy. It ends this weekend,” he bites, his breath trailing off my ear.

My body reacts to his threat, unhinged and feral, making me question my capability of maintaining the slightest restraint. More importantly, keeping true to my pact with Red; that any physical adventures with T are off-limits. The window rolls down from the front, a familiar voice filling the air. “We’re about to pull up, boss.”

“Antonio?” I press.Why is my driver driving for T?Confusion on my face, I turn to him.

“Yes, Miss Ivy?” Antonio responds.

“I’m sorry, since when do you drive for T?”

“Since you gave him the week off, and I needed someone we could trust,” Tayden brutally interjects, pride written on his lips by the chess move he just so eloquently played. If he weren’t so fucking cute in this moment, I’d smack it right off his face.

“So y’all were both in on it this whole time, whateverthisis. We will talk about this later, Antonio,” I joke as if we will ever revisit this conversation.

“Yes ma’am,” Antonio responds before rolling up the glass separating us and him, a laugh escaping his lungs before my ears are no longer in range.

T scoots closer to me, his hand grabbing mine, interlocking our fingers. “I want you to look out the window with me. It’s important. I want you to take it all in from beginning to end.” I let go of my frustration with them both. His eyes informingme whatever is going on is important,especiallyif Antonio is so eagerly willing to go along with it.

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