Page 42 of I See Red

Tayden:What time? Just give me a time, and I’ll be there.

Ivy:Three hours, say 1?

336 Old Acadia Road

Tayden:Yeah, with that address, I’m not fucking waiting three hours. I’ll be there in one. Don’t keep me waiting.

I need to go into damage control and figure out my next step. What does all this mean for me? Is it for real? I’d love nothing more than to run into his or Liam’s arms right now and just go back to how things were before the Gala, sexually and emotionally uncomplicated, zero pressure, zero desire for more, acceptance of our reality all around. We were all intertwinedin harmony, living a fantasy in reality so blissfully. I guess it’s possible we never were, and it was all an illusion, something I created, a figment of my imagination, and reality is here, knocking at my fucking front door. Fuck, for all I know, we were doomed to end here from the beginning. What started as four has now become three, and I’m once again to blame.

Ivy:Fine, see you in an hour.

Tayden:I love you, Ivy Sage Rutledge…

I begin replying, but my finger finds the delete button instead. Tears begin to fall from my eyes at his words. There’s nothing more powerful than those six words. They are my favorite six words of his, and I love it when he writes them to me. I can’t remember when it started or pinpoint the first time he ever said them, but I feel I’ve been hearing them for an eternity, in this life and many before. Unsure of our future, if it is the last text he ever sends me, I don’t want to cloud it with my jumbled thoughts right now. Loving him is effortless. It’s learning to unlove him that’s going to be hard, but nothing has ever been easy in my life. It sure isn’t starting today, not after last night’s mess.

“The truth….. The hardest thing about loving Ivy is watching her never love herself all these years.“

—Tayden

She’s lying to me. I don’t need a tone to know that, just that address. I don’t know much, but by Red’s fucking lack of response to my text this morning, and her passive-aggressive attempt at communication, it doesn’t take a genius. I can’t shake the feeling Ivy will lead me to the answers about Red and everything soon. I told her an hour, but I left the moment that address hit my phone. I want to see her before she sees me. I want to get a better idea of what I’m walking into. Turning the corner, I pull into a place I never thought I’d revisit again after the day I left for the last time. I assumed it would be broken down, but to my surprise, it’s perfectly maintained. The letters on the side are faded, the metal is worn from the weather, but the grass is cut, and I can tell someone has been taking care of it all these years. Pulling in, I park where she won’t see me, my chest heavy as I remove my seatbelt. Exhaling a deep breath, I wait.

Ivy:I’m on my way. What’s your ETA?

Tayden:I’m running a little behind, got stuck in a meeting, leaving in five.

Ivy:No rush; see you soon

Tayden:Hey, Ives…

Ivy:Yeah?

Tayden:Why there?

I watch as the bubbles appear, telling me she’s writing before they stop. A few moments later, they start again, then proceed to disappear. She isn’t responding. Throwing my phone to the passenger side, my hands rub my face in anger, and for a moment, I’m no longer frustrated. I’m back between Red’s legs on the hood of the car.Goddamn, this woman is infuriating, sexy, but fucking infuriating.

I’m not a nervous man, but this building has me questioning everything. With her, everything means something, and this, this fucking place, I can only imagine what she must tell me. It could go right or left, but either version is haunting. The weight of everything lately hits me in full force. If it’s happeninghere,it’s something massive. Coming from Ivy, massive makes me nervous as fuck. She’s the type of woman who can need you one minute and absolutely despise you the next. It’s her defense mechanism, rarely factual feelings. She only despises the fact she needs me. I understand it. For people like us, needing someone isn’t so easily admitted. She hates it more than me, and fuck, I love when she fights it. That could very well make me a narcissist. We all carry that label in life, some version of it. Fuck it. I’ll wear that title if it means having her. I have taken full advantage of her need for me all these years. Her need for my love, my touch, and I won’t fucking apologize for it, even though I know I owe her one at times. We both use each other. She feeds off it just as much as I do. Nobody is a saint here. Her knowing my need for her drives her wild. We are crazy for each other, and it will never end. We are constant and everlasting, at least we always have been.

Fuck where is she? This is fucking torture sitting here.

Time standing still, a lump permanently lodges in my throat as I watch her vehicle pull in from a safe distance. My early attendance goes unnoticed as she exits her vehicle, her blonde hair pulled into a messy bun, her body embraced in black sweatswith a matching hoodie. She looks defeated, and the lump grows larger, my mouth turning dry as reality hits me.

There is no version of this that is ending well.

Pulling her keys up to the deadbolt, she slides the key in, her movements frantic as she jiggles it, finally unlocking the entrance to the back door. In a moment’s time, she disappears inside, and my breath escapes me as I suck in a deeper one bigger than the one before.

What are we doing here, Ives? What’s happened in your pretty little head?

My phone dings….

Ivy:I’m here.

Reading her words feels like a knife has already been planted deep in my chest. I can’t help but feel that the moment I walk in there, all that is to come is her turning it, cutting me deeper and deeper. She’s always been good at that. Watching her completely berate another human with her words is one of her most attractive traits; Being on the receiving end fucking kills me every time. I never tell her how much her rage affects me. I guess I never wanted to be one to disvalue her feelings like so many before. Today, I feel there will be a lot of truths waiting for me on the inside of that door.Fuck, what happened now?

Putting my car in drive, I begin pulling onto Old Acadia Road, making my late arrival real. For all I know, she has a security system and is watching, so I can’t come walking over from where I am. Slowly, I creep into the parking lot, pulling in right beside her. Throwing it in park, I shoot her a reply.

Tayden:Just pulled in.

Loosening my tie, I gather myself. I’m a fucking shaking mess. She will notice, and that’s the last thing I want. Giving her or Red power is always a man’s second mistake. Letting themknow they have it is their first. If she knows my head is all over the place, there is no way I will come out of this alive.

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