Page 58 of I See Red

“Yeah, I’m going to leave that between you boys, but nice steal, Mr. Maddox.”

“Thank you, princess,” his soft lips whisper across mine, pulling me in for a kiss.

Heading across the house towards the mud room, a smile across his face, he slips into his bibs, boots, and Carhartt before trailing out to the shop, leaving me to clean these dishes, which I now regret offering to do, but I can get over my phobia for a day. Right? It’s not like anything has been normal with us in the lasttwenty-four hours anyway. I want to talk to Liam, to storm out to the barn and demand we stop tip-toeing, but fear overtakes me when I think about the questions I have and what his answers may do or change for me.For us. Letting it lie for now, I release a large sigh, watching him trek through the snow to his wood shop, his sanctuary—the barn. I backtrack back to the kitchen and these dishes.Fuck, I hate my hands being wet. I wonder if anyone else in the world has my same phobia? Is it even a real one? Like, is there a name for it? I should google it. No, ADHD brain, reel it in. You have shopping to get ready for, and that’s just what your pretty little brain needs. Girl time, a distraction. Yes, a distraction, keep going, further-further-further. Fuck, there it is.The perfect icy temperature encasing my hands, flowing glacially across my skin, igniting me, reminding me, loving me. Slamming the faucet off, pushing my desires away, I hurriedly dry my hands as I look around, making sure I was not seen.Fuck the dishes. I’ll do them later. Fuck you, T. I’m not folding first.

Grabbing my things, I rush out of the house as I am already running late in true fashion. Flashbacks in the shower this morning while trying to get ready are to blame. Well, that and my poor sense of time since birth. I see Liam over at the barn, the sound of the air compressor engulfing the stillness of the air. I stop, just taking him all in. He truly is a sight to see, especially when he is in his element, building and creating with those beautiful big hands. Snowflakes flutter all around as I trek through the snow over to him.

“Liam,” I shout, my words falling on deaf ears.

“LIIIIIAMMMMM,” I exclaim, hoping to reach his attention.

He hears me, setting down the nail gun, as he turns to me.

“I am heading out. I just wanted to let you know.”

Getting closer to him, I reach in, wrapping my arms around him. His frozen nose snuggles in the curve of my neck. Squeezing tighter, I pull his cold nose closer to my body. Leaning my head back, his hands encasing my face, gazing into my soul, he leans in, placing his lips to mine, slowly intertwining our tongues. His exhale so deep, the warmth creeps between my thighs. I pull back playfully. “I am already late. I have to go. Love you,” I say, turning away. Suddenly, his hand latches onto my wrist, pulling me back into him. This time, he only stares at me while I wait for another kiss. Brushing his hand through my hair, his breath nears my ear as he swallows and whispers, “Be good, little bird, for there are consequences when you are not.” My bottom lip curls between my teeth at the thought of his consequences, my eyes exploring the windows to his soul skillfully.

I’m not intrigued to see what would happen if I got on his naughty list again, or am I?

“Consequences, huh? Maybe I’ll have a few extra drinks out of curiosity,” I taunt, turning to leave, not making it one foot before I’m jolted by a hard smack to my ass. His words race to my ears before traveling between my thighs. “Oh, princess, that was a fucking appetizer. I’m not convinced you’d make it through the second course, much less all the way to dessert.”

“Okay, sweet man.” I’m not sure I want the war I just started, but to learn the things I’m aware I need to, one cannot play a fair game, and this is the only card I have to ruffle his feathers. I imagine if I were to turn around, the look on his face would make me desperately regret it. So, I don’t. A laugh escapes me as I skip away through the snow toward my vehicle.Backing out,I turn to see him still staring at me, his cold face telling me I’m so literally fucked when I return.Good.Making love has never been on my meal card, fucking on the other hand,well, it’s an untamable craving.Peering over at my phone sitting in the cupholder, intrusive thoughts begin. Instantly, I am at war with myself, wondering what Liam would have said a few moments ago if he knew about her, what I said to myself in his place earlier at breakfast, and the thoughts I was having. Would he still love me like he has is he came to the true knowledge of T and I? Months ago, this was the exact moment I would’ve picked up my phone and messaged Tayden, no Liam around to make that unobtainable. Although we haven’t talked in a while, you’d think it would make things easier, but the insecurity of why he hasn’t reached out has been eating me alive. Maybe we are in a game of who folds first. I certainly know I won’t, at least I hope not, but the silent standoff makes it disgustingly tempting. Picking up my phone, I click his name, scrolling to the last messages on our thread I have yet to delete, hoping for comfort or a reminder of why it’s best this way.My thumb hovers the letters; knowing I shouldn’t, as I begin to type.

Hey T, I hope life is treating you well. I miss you. Aggressively, I begin to backspace every letter, backing out completely, searching for Olive’s thread, shooting her a quick message letting her know I’m on my way. Phone down, I crank my therapy. “Angels on the Moon” by Thriving Ivory.Fuck yes. My escape.

“Don’t tell me if I’m dying, ‘cause I don’t want to know,” comes pouring from my lungs.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What the actual fuck is wrong with me? Why can’t I be a normal fucking human? Always twist and turns and shit man, fuck. You are a fucking idiot. You shouldn’t have even looked at your last texts, fucking weak.

I grip the steering wheel with one hand while hitting it with the other, abusively letting out a loud scream. “FUCKKKKKKKKK.”

Get your shit together. You’re almost there; you just passed the Cornish city limit sign.

I see Olive’s car as I pull in. Reaching in my bag, I pull out my powder, flipping down the visor, touching up my makeup before heading in.At least I didn’t fold, so I’m growing. I think.

“Damn girl, late, late, late, as usual.” Olive cackles

Yeah, yeah, not all of us can be perfectionists on art gallery time, lady,” I banter back as we make our way through the front door hidden just under the lattice-covered patio.

“Name?” the young girl behind the hostess’s desk asks.

“Ivy.”

“Perfect, follow me. We have your usual table ready for you ladies just over here.”

Olive and I follow the young hostess as she guides us to the back of the restaurant. Lotus is mine and Olive’s go-to-spot when we meet to catch up; although she also works in the city, she, just as I, prefers the quiet that Rowe has to offer. She and Dax bought a place out there almost a year after I sold Liam his. It’s a nice escape from the hustle and bustle of city life. When we both find ourselves out here at the same time, we always make the trip to the next town over for lunch at Lotus to catch up when scheduling allows it. It is quaint but vibrant. It also houses my favorite little bed and breakfast I used to escape to when needed before I was gifted my home from T. Lotus is a piece of that serenity for me. You walk in, and instantly, your sad turns to happy. Each room has a different feel, and we always sit in the back room with the vibrant lanterns hanging from the ceilings that overlook the perfect little waterfall snuggled between the rustic rocks and tall pines.

Passing the bar on our right, we enter our destination taking our seats.

“Your waitress will be with you shortly; can I start you ladies with some drinks?”

“Yes, I will have an apple cider mimosa with a sugar cinnamon brim, and a drizzle of maple syrup.”

“And I will take your loaded bloody mary,” Olive adds.

“Do you want some olives in that?” I joke.

Shooting me her infamous ‘yous got jokes’ glare over the top of the menu.

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