Page 59 of I See Red

“Perfect, I will get these put in.”

“So, reservation under Ivy, I see. So, no returns lately?” Olive questions, curiosity written all over her face.

“Yeah, no returns. It’s been quiet, to say the least, and certainly less adventurous.Well—” I cut myself off, setting the conversation for her to pick up right where I want it to start as the waitress brings our drinks.

“Well,what girl? Spill. What’s new with you? How has work been? Liam? Tayden? We may be drinking alcohol, but I want all the tea, and I want it hot. I feel like we haven’t caught up in forever.” Her questions make me laugh because,ding ding,she asked exactly what I set her up to. Pausing, I glare at her tauntingly as our drinks arrive.

“Well, until a few nights ago is what I was going to say until you so rudely interrupted.”

Olive takes her straw between her fingers, lifting it to her lips, taking a sip, glaring at me like a dog in heat with zero patience. “Okay, and?”

“Honestly, O, l don’t even know where to start. There is so much to catch up on. First off, Tayden and I arenoton speaking terms at the moment. Honestly, I know why but don’t at the same time, which makes no sense, seeing as how I’m the one who ended things. You know we’ve gone without speaking manytimes, but this time just feels so different, so there’s that. Liam has changed, and I’m not even sure if changed is the right word because maybe I just never saw him before ‘cause, you know, I’m always stuck in my own shit focusing on my own demons. Work has been a shit show since I dropped Red. Functioning in that world without her is so foreign. I am beginning to wonder if she was the bad side of me or if I am. Maybe there is no good or evil like I thought. I know damn sure she was a fucking people person. I’m just a mousy people-pleaser. I’m way off my game and trying to manage the biggest deal of my career, as you know. It’s all rather confusing, and for once, I feel more out of control than I have been in years.” My words shooting out at the speed of light.

“So yous haven’t reached out to Tayden? And he hasn’t messaged you at all? Do you plan to?” Olive questions.

“I almost did on the way here, but honestly, why? This game we have been playing for years has become exhausting, O. Like, neither of us would blow our lives up, and neither of us actuallywantsto be together, yet we want to all in the same breath. It’s like this colossal mind fuck of deeply being connected without being connected at all that just fucks with the lives we are trying to lead, you know?” I am getting more uncomfortable even talking about him. I so desperately want to reach out, and it kills me not exchanging messages with him. Still, I’m trying my hardest not to for the sake of Liam and I’s relationship, even more so for my own sanity. Living two lives all these years and being two different people has become exhausting. Tayden triggers me. He is the only connection to the life and memories I’ve tried so desperately to forget. I haven’t spoken to a single human from my past in years. He’s the only past I’ve ever granted access to my present in this world. It complicates things. Then the whole other part to our dynamic, I haven’t even spokenwith him about, nor am I sure I even want to, and it’s just a lot; and I’m tired ofa lot.

“Yeah, I mean, you know I get it, Ivy. I’ve been here with you throughout this entire thing since the beginning of our friendship, but to play the devil’s advocate, I think you should reach out to him,” Olive replies, purposely avoiding eye contact with me.Ding ding.Her fake stare-off tells me there is more to tell than what she is. When will people learn I see it all, fuck, it’s why she’s my only friend, and even in that, I’m gracious with what I let her get away with playing dumb. I know my trauma response is reading people, and although it has saved me in many ways, it makes it so fucking hard because we all lie. Learning to let people get away with them is the hard part because it’s always the dumbest shit, never the big shit, which, in itself, is a trauma response becoming more reactive to small things than monumental things because you learned to handle those, but never the small things. It’s exhausting being a human reader. Hence why she is my only friend, I only have the capacity to look past so much with one person. I can’t imagine having to do it more than I already do.

Staring at her, I pause for a moment before speaking. O never has been one to encourage Tayden and I’s relationship outside of us communicating in hopes of finding an ending to this whole thing. She looks guilty as fuck, so why does she want me to reach out to him?Instantly, I’m transformed into detective mode.

What is happening in that head of yours, O? You know you are dying to tell me, and even if you aren’t, I will pry it from your lips.

“Well, that’s an interesting statement. You have never been one to want me to reach out to him, so is there something you aren’t telling me?” I question.

“ I-um-I, no. I just think it’s been years of you holding onto something from your childhood, or rather someone. I think whatyous have with Liam is good and solid, as I have said many times before. I just think, um, maybe this time there will be some closure to be found, is all. Anyways,soooo Liam, what’s going on with him? You said something was different.”

And she’s changing the subject. God, she is a terrible liar. Everything she just said is one hundred percent a lie. She may not tell me now, and I’m going to let it slide like I always do, but not forever. No, I will get it out of her before the end of today’s festivities. She’s lucky the waitress just showed up.

“Brown sugar-brined pork chops with a side of mayo?”

“That would be me,” I state, raising my hand.

“And for you, we have the seared sea scallops.” The waitress happily describes Olive’s dish as she places it down in front of her.

“Sweet lord, this looks wicked awesome. They never disappoint here, straight banga’s,” Olive exclaims, both of us foaming at the mouth over these perfectly plated meals. Another thing that makes Lotus—Lotus. Their ever-changing menu, every week offering completely different items, forever evolving.

“So, Liam, what’s different there?”

I call out to the waitress to please bring us another round of drinks, this time subbing my mimosas for a fresh blueberry vodka lemonade, double. I shouldn’t make the switch, considering how unstable I have been lately, but if I’m about to explain to Olive about Liam, I may need to skip the champagne and go for something a little harder.

“Mmmmk, so the Liam conversation requires vodka? Dish,” Olive taunts.

The eagerness in her face expressing her desire and need foralldetails.

“Girl, this is not even the time nor place,” singsongs from my lips, pretending I don’t want to have this conversation, baiting her for us to laugh more so she can get drunk and sing later.

“Bish whisper, come on, now you know I live vicariously through you and your twisted ways. The blushing on your face tells me it’sspicy.”

If there is one thing about me that has never faded in time, it’s that my ability to whisper is nonexistent. I mean seriously, my whisper voice is a human’s normal speaking voice. Scanning the room, trying to see how close the closest human to us is. Luckily, there is nobody directly next to us, so maybe I can swing it.

“Where do I even start, O? So, paraphrasing here, basically, so remember when I texted you that Liam and I had a long conversation about Tayden? Well, after our talk the next morning, he told me he had a surprise for me and took me to the basement where, as you know, he spends most of his time. I assumed just doing man shit or whatever. He wanted to show me some room, but it wentleft. Anyway,we had one of our Budweiser nights and girl, he laid me out on that fucking pool table like he hasn’t done in a long fucking time. Not once, but twice.”

Her eyes widen as she drags a sip from her drink.

“Girl, yous guys haven’t had a Budweiser night in alongtime. Twice? I’m jealous.”

“Twice! Actually, maybe three, I can’t remember,” I exclaim, my giggles mucking my words.

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